The line of the week came early this episode. The show started out with Jane barging into Megan's apartment looking for Michael. Jane asked whether they were having an affair. Like if they were, Megan would say so. Anyway Megan responded with, "I would have to be brain dead to make that mistake twice. I mean I'm not saying you're brain dead." She most certainly is. What happened to the new, empowered Jane we were supposed to see? She's still a sap.

On her way out, Jane bumped into Eve who moved into The Place, the only place to live in LA besides the beach or the marina.

Then Eve bumped into Peter, who just moved from the marina. Peter asked Eve out on a date. She said yes.

Eve asked Amanda for advice on the date. Eve learned that Amanda was divorced from Peter. Of all the men in LA, she was amazed that she was attracted to someone Amanda divorced. What are the odds? I'd say 4 to 1.

Eve asked Amanda for help in deciding what to wear on her date. She hasn't been in LA long enough to know that all the women wear cleavage-enhancing blouses with short, butt-hugging skirts.

Jane finally tracked Michael down in his office. Ms. Zero EEG questioned what depriving her of sex would accomplish. Before he could answer, Jane was removing her clothes and his clothes. Michael said he'd hate himself in the morning. Jane said he'd be too tired to complain. What a confident little vixen.

Equally horny was Lexi. She told Megan she was going to treat herself to a one night stand. She was going to pick a bar and pick up a stranger. What bar would that be? I'm there!

Since Michael's catch-Jane-cheating-by-making-her-so-horny-that-she'd-sleep-with-Alex plan was shot to hell, he suggested they fly to Vegas for a quickie marriage at the Elvis Chapel of Love. Alex was there and said this ploy arose from Michael's fear that Alex would once again bed Jane on the night before the wedding. So Michael slugged him. And in the process hurt his hand. Good thing he doesn't rely on his hands for a living.

Amanda was nominated for "Woman of the Year" by Biz Line Magazine. She met the editor, Drew, at the Stage Bar for photographs. He kind of put the moves on her but she told him to stand there alone for five seconds and he'd have all the beautiful women he needed. Just where is this bar? I'm there!

Lexi followed Amanda to the bar and it turned out she knew Drew. What a coincidence! What are the odds? I'd say 5 to 1.

Eve convinced Peter to blow off the philharmonic to play miniature golf. What did she wear? A form-fitting, ankle-length dress. Has she got a lot to learn about the LA uniform.

Lexi and Drew ended up in bed. For this, she ought to win the "Lady of the Evening" award. After the fact, she asked him whether he was still breathing. She didn't want to kill him. What is it with these cocksure (pun intended) women tonight? And where can I find them? Anyway, while basking in the afterglow, Drew told Lexi that Amanda won the award.

Returning to The Place after their date, Eve gave Peter a little kiss goodnight which quickly devolved into her trying to shove her tongue down his throat. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but he pushed her away. What's the problem with these guys?!

Lexi took a boxercise class led by Billy Blanks, who played himself. Blanks is a superb martial artist who made some awful chop-socky B-movies back in the '80s. His acting skills are so bad that he makes Andrew Shue look like Olivier.

After the workout, Lexi started to spread a rumor that Amanda slept with Drew to win the Biz Line award. It's a good thing for Lexi that female execs invited to the awards also take the same boxercise class.

Peter told Michael about his date with Eve. He read a letter Eve wrote apologizing for her aggressiveness. While making fun of her, she walked in carrying a bottle of champagne. I thought she was going to christen his head with it, but she just dropped it on the couch and left.

Jane accompanied Amanda on a shopping trip for a dress to wear to the award ceremony. Jane overheard the two women Lexi told the rumor to discussing said rumor. Another amazing coincidence! Odds? Even money.

So Amanda overhears Jane's conversation with these women and learns of the innuendo.

Alex was peeking through Jane's blinds and espied Jane and Michael screwing again. He turned away dejectedly. Bet he wished he had brought a camera.

Peter walked into the Jazz Club as Eve was singing. I don't know what was more pathetic, the song or the way the people tried to dance to it. Anyway, Peter apologized for what she overheard. He gave her the it's-not-you-it's-me speech and asked for another date. He asked her to meet him again at the mini golf course.

Drew showed up at Lexi's office. The rumor that she spread made it all the way to New York. She seemed rather proud of that fact. Drew wasn't all too happy though. He chewed her out. And Megan overheard.

Eve went to the golf course to meet Peter. She said she's never really had a real relationship before (she's been in jail, but we don't know that yet), so she was confused and didn't know what to do. Honey, I've had a few serious relationships and I still don't know what to do. It don't get any easier.

At the awards banquet, Megan slipped a note to Michael to pass on to Amanda. Jane read the note. "Meet me in the bathroom." Jane assumed Michael was having an affair with Megan and went to the bathroom to kick some ass. Megan explained that it was a misunderstanding. The note was meant for Amanda. The hooker-with-the-heart-of-gold wanted to tell Amanda that Lexi was the source of the hearsay (like it could be anyone else).

Jane was able to relay the information to Amanda before it was announced that Amanda won the award. Being the quick thinker that she is, Amanda tailored her acceptance speech to denigrate Lexi. She said she wasn't worthy of the award because she wasn't a backstabbing, cheating, lying, manipulating rumor-monger. She bestowed it upon Lexi.

Lexi could use the phallic trophy. I don't think she'll be getting any from Drew any time in the near future. But I'm available.

Tune in next week for "The Night the Lights Went Out on Melrose." The spoiler is posted on my site at http://geocities.datacellar.net/Hollywood/4616/.

Also new there is an article from Soap Opera Digest regarding what Linden Ashby and Scott Plank have been doing post-Melrose.

'Til next week...