Not too bad an episode tonight. But what an ending!

The show started out with Jane's adoptive parents showing up at The Place the morning of the wedding. Michael wondered why Jane wasn't with them. If she was there, he would have seen her and it would have jinxed the marriage. And Lord knows they don't need any more bad mojo.

Jane was holed up in a hotel. Amanda showed up and Jane told her she was having second thoughts about marrying Michael. She said she kissed Alex and thought about having sex with him. Which reinforces my theory that women are evil.

After Michael's lame bachelor party, Ryan hooked up with Lexi again. She was still in his apartment and had to hide when Kyle showed up for their daily basketball game. One look at Ryan's room was all that Kyle needed to determine that he bagged a babe. He asked whether it was Megan, hoped to God that it wasn't Lexi, or whether it was his new waitress. Hey, just who is this waitress and where have they been hiding her from me?

On his way to Michael and Jane's wedding, Ryan stopped off at Lexi's because she had an emergency. She needed him to zip up her dress. He figured out she just wanted him there to screw. But just as they were about to do it, Megan walked in. Seems like nobody in LA believes in locking their doors. Now it was Ryan's turn to hide.

He overheard Megan tell Lexi that Ryan thinks he's God's gift to women. No, that would be Michael.

At the church, Michael was reviewing his vows with Peter. "Jane, you were my first wife, my favorite wife, and I hope to God my last wife." How romantic. Brought a tear to my eye.

Waiting at the altar, Michael was informed that the limo had finally arrived. In walked Amanda, clad in her black bridesmaid dress, to tell Michael that Jane would not be participating in the blessed event.

Michael then addressed the assemblage with some of the worst dialogue ever written for television. He aborted a joke about a bar because they were in a church. Then tried to telll another one but stopped. What a waste of two and a half minutes.

The next morning, Jane tried to explain to Michael why she stood him up. She said she had a panic attack. Like the panic attack Michael had when the bride didn't show up for his wedding and then trying to explain to 150 guests her absence. I actually counted and there couldn't have been more than 70 people at the church.

Amanda tried to enlist Peter's help to get Michael and Jane back together. Which led to the line of the week. When Amanda told him Jane needs his help, Peter responded with, "What does she need? Directions? She didn't quite make it to the church."

So later that night, Peter tricked Michael into going to the hospital chapel where Jane and the rest of the gang were waiting. Jane recited her sappy vows, then Michael read his sappy vows and they were married once again. I wonder how long this marriage will last?

At the reception at Kyle's, the only restaurant in LA, Alex showed up to cause trouble. He provoked Michael by telling him that he and Jane exchanged saliva back in Chicago.

Lexi was causing her own trouble. Her dirty dancing with Ryan caught Megan's eye. Ryan followed Lexi to the ladies' room where they proceeded to press the flesh. Megan then walked in and caught them in the act.

While dancing with Jane, Alex commented about Jane's pearls. She said it was a gift from her birth mother. She couldn't make the wedding. In other words, the producers didn't want to shell out the bucks to bring back Donna Mills.

In making a speech to the guests, a drunken Michael questioned Jane about the goings-on in Chicago and what happened the night before their first wedding. Jane was incensed and demanded a divorce. This marriage was over before the honeymoon.

Jane stormed out and into a waiting cab. Alex joined her. She told the cab driver to take them to Alex's place. Like the driver would know where that would be.

After all the guests had left, a shit-faced Megan stumbled back upstairs to learn from a shit-faced Michael that Jane had already dumped him. A new world's record.

At Alex's place, Jane discovered Alex's real fall clothing line. She figured that bringing her to Chicago was a ploy to lure her back in bed. He said he still loves her. Hello? She married someone else. She doesn't love you. Some guys just can't buy a clue.

Michael and Megan return to The Place where Michael kicked in Ryan's door to gain access to the roof. He should have just tried turning the door knob. Nobody locks their doors in LA. Anyway, they got very familiar and started to have sex even though a few weeks earlier, Megan said she'd have to be brain dead to do it with him again.

Jane showed up at Amanda's for some consolation. Amanda suggested to Jane that she should go talk to Michael. Just as Jane said she didn't know where he was, the roof collapsed and Michael and Megan dropped in. Talk about rough sex. Or should I say roof sex.

Lucky for them they landed on Amanda's bed. Lucky for Amanda and Jane that they had cat-like reflexes and moved out of the way. If they hadn't, Michael would have had one of his fantasies fulfilled. The one where he is in bed with three, count 'em, three women.

That's it for this week. Tune in next week when we finally learn about Eve and Amanda's dark secret. The spoiler is at my site, http://geocities.datacellar.net/Hollywood/4616/.

Also new there are several Melrose-related articles that appeared in the November 17th Soap Opera Digest. First item said that Michael Mancini is one soap character you should not hire. Next, Steve Wilder played 20 questions. Kin Shriner talked about the bit part he had. And John Haymes Newton was voted one of Soaps' Sexiest Men.

Rob Estes shared his most memorable Christmas in the December Us. He lost some flesh sliding down a palm tree. Ouch!

Fox held their own celebrity auction the same day that Sotheby's auctioned off Place props and artwork. Courtney Thorne-Smith was slated to appear.

And John Haymes Newton tells TV Guide Online that he, Rena Sofer and Rob Estes meditate on the set to relax.

'Til next week...