Another good episode...

After a heated exchange between Michael and Jane and between Ryan and Megan after crashing through the ceiling onto Amanda's bed, Michael escorted Megan back to her apartment where he wanted to resume their shenanigans. She refused him, saying she was now sober. Next time I get totally trashed and need to sober up quickly, I'll get up on my roof and hop up and down until I crash through onto my bed.

Jane ran into the courtyard and tossed her wedding dress into a Weber grill which miraculously appeared out of nowhere. It wasn't there last week. She set the dress on fire. Upon seeing this, Amanda said the place was out of control. Who does she think she is? Regis?

Peter received a phone call from Texas informing him his father was dead. Wait a minute, Peter had already told Alycia that his father was dead and she checked up on it. But that was Peter Burns' father, the father of the doctor whose identity Peter assumed. Peter is actually Peter Howell, so I guess Peter's real father did die. But when he answered the phone, he said, "Yes, this is Peter Burns." So did he tell his father that he stole some else's identity and to notify Peter Burns in case of emergency? But he wasn't close to his father so he probably didn't tell him. So how'd they know to contact him? It's too confusing. Forget about it.

Megan quit her job working for Lexi because of what she saw in the bathroom between her and Ryan. From what I saw, there wasn't even air between them. Lexi tried to apologize by saying sex in the bathroom isn't serious. I agree. You usually don't even know the name of your partner when you do it in a public bathroom.

Michael was served with divorce papers. Among the things Jane was asking for was the cost of the wedding dress. The bitch burned it, he shouldn't have to pay for it. And besides, it didn't cost her anything. It was Alex's wedding present to her.

Lexi showed up at AWA to talk to Ryan. He told her to get lost. Amanda told her they don't validate. Lexi would have to pay for her own parking. This led to the line of the week. Lexi responded with, "Kiss my ass." I'd take her up on that offer.

Amanda was going to fire Ryan for sleeping with Lexi. He reminded her that he brought in six new clients while he was there and she only brought in one, Alex Bastian. He managed to save his job.

As he left Amanda's office, Jane walked in and was informed that Alex dropped AWA as his agency. So Amanda told Jane she was fired. Just then, Ryan stuck his head in and said if Jane goes, he goes. So he saved her job, too. My hero!

Jane could have just defended herself by saying she'll sue for sexual harassment because Amanda hinted that she should sleep with Alex to win and keep the account. But what do you expect from someone who would marry Michael twice?

Michael confronted Jane about sleeping with Alex. She said it never happened and that he should trust her. He said she never denied it. She threw him out without ever denying she slept with Alex again. Why the hell couldn't she say she didn't do it?

Peter and Eve went to Peter's dad's business/residence, Golf World Driving Range in Texas. While driving some balls, he flashed back to his dad barking instructions to him. Head down. Left arm straight. Address the ball. "Helloooo, ball."

Anyway, he stank as a kid and his dad said he was the reason why mom left, that he wasn't worth hitting anymore and that he was pathetic. From what I've learned from watching Sally Jesse Raphael, Peter should have grown up to be a drug addict with low self-esteem instead of the cocky surgeon he became.

Who were those guys that butchered "Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer" in the Gap commercial? Bring back Lucious Jackson!

Eve told Amanda that Peter was trailer trash stock. Amanda had thought Peter was born with a silver spoon in his mouth. But it was quite the opposite. Just like it was opposite when Michael thought that Megan came from the other side of the tracks when in fact she was rich.

During his lunch break, Ryan was able to track down Megan at Kyle's. It couldn't have been too hard since Kyle's is the only restaurant in LA. He wanted to apologize for saying, "once a hooker, always a hooker" to her when she came crashing down with Michael. It didn't look like she accepted his apology.

Michael was doing his laundry. He must have run out of underwear because that's the only time single guys (I know, technically he's married. But he is living alone so he can be considered single) do their laundry. Anyway, Jane walked in and they began to discuss their situation.

She said she just kissed Alex and that nothing else happened. But she said he couldn't say the same about him and Megan. She caught them half naked. I'm thinking Michael could have used the "Ross (from 'Friends') excuse." He could have said, "I thought we were on a break."

Arriving home and hearing their bickering, Amanda decided to lock them in. Someone will have to explain to me why a laundry room requires an outside-key-only lock on the door.

As he was soul-searching while going through his dad's stuff, Peter realized he was travelling an identical path as his father. Dad ran a driving range in the middle of a desert whose wife left him for a golf pro. Petey is Chief of Staff at a major metropolitan hospital who can get any babe he wants (except for Amanda). Lots of similarities there. He didn't want to end up alone like dad so he asked Eve to marry him. After giving it a lot of thought (16 seconds), she said yes.

It's 7:00AM and Kyle and Amanda were sleeping on the floor of their living room in white sheets. The roof caving in must have destroyed the leopard-prints. Peter and Eve woke them with the news that they were engaged and asked the two to stand up for them. They would elope and wed at a place called Oakhurst. Upon hearing the site, Amanda shot Eve a glance. Hmmm, what was that about?

Amanda remembered that Jane and Michael were still locked in the laundry room. She opened the door to find them arguing about their first divorce. How he slept with Kimberly and how she slept with her divorce lawyer and how he used one of Sydney's call girl connections to blackmail the lawyer and then him marrying Sydney. What a nice stroll down memory lane.

On the way to Oakhurst, Peter stopped for directions. Yeah, right. Like a man would ask for directions!

Swamp Boogie Queen was performing at the Jazz Club. I know how they got their name. The lead singer looked like she came from a swamp. She dragged Ryan up on stage and they began to grind their hips to her horrid song. Megan saw this and walked out.

Here's what Ryan could do. He could say he was trying to test Megan's feelings to see if she would be jealous. Or he could say he's got a clinical disorder which forces him to rub his pelvis against any woman that asks him to. Many men suffer the same affliction.

Up in Oakhurst, Amanda and Eve snuck out of the bed and breakfast they were staying at. It looked remarkably like the house from Alyssa Milano's "Charmed." But they weren't sneaky enough for Kyle. He woke up and followed them. Amanda and Eve didn't notice that in the middle of the night, with no other cars around, that there was a car following them.

Lexi tracked Megan down at Kyle's. She apologized and asked for another chance with a speech which sounded like a lover asking for another chance. Megan agreed. I took notes for when the next time some woman dumps me.

Anyway, Megan's conditions were that she would no longer be lied to, no longer be manipulated and no longer be a Pollyanna. So what is she? The next "new Jane?" Well, we know how long "new Jane" lasted.

Lexi agreed to the terms and made Megan a VP at Sterling Conway. They stared each other in the eye and I half expected them to seal the deal with a big, wet, tongue-thrusting kiss. But they didn't.

Amanda and Eve pulled up to a house which looked remarkably like the house from Alyssa Milano's "Charmed" but from a different angle. Amanda and Eve go to a room with an old lady where they all hug and chat. Kyle knew exactly where they would be and spied on them from the outside.

After the girls left, Kyle went into the old lady's room. He saw a picture of Eve and Amanda in cheerleader outfits. I like that. Just then, Old Lady wakes up. Kyle told her he wanted to ask a couple of questions. She accused Kyle of being one of "them." Whoever the hell "them" is.

She then said her granddaughter paid for her mistake. That she spent fifteen years in prison. Kyle put two and two together and figured that Eve was the granddaughter and ex-con. Hmmm. I think I'll check out www.jailbabes.com (a real site) to see if there are any more girls like Eve behind bars.

When Megan went to apologize to Jane for the roof incident with Michael (my, there certainly were a lot of apologies tonight), Jane told her she discovered a lump on her breast. Could it be the implants she had between Season 3 and 4? She said her doctor told her it was a 50-50 chance she may have cancer.

Back in Oakhurst, Lexi called Peter to say she loved him. I don't think that's enough to stop the wedding. Alex told Jane he loved her before her wedding and that didn't stop her.

Kyle confronted Eve about her past. He asked her whether she killed somebody. From behind, Amanda responded. They both did. Dun dun duuuuuun!

Tune in next week to find out what happens. Of course, the spoiler for next week, "When Cheerleaders Attack," is posted on my site.

Also new there, Laura Leighton answered fans' questions on E!Online. The most revealing answer was that neither she nor husband Doug Savant wished to return to Melrose. Which is fine and dandy since their characters are dead.

Courtney Thorne-Smith's publicist announced her engagement to her boyfriend of one year, Andrew "Not Shue" Conrad. He's a geneticist, but I'd bet he's a better actor than Andrew "Not Elizabeth" Shue.

TV Guide has created their own awards to be voted on by its readers. The winners will be announced on a show airing February 1st on FOX. The significance? February 1st is a Monday. Which means no Melrose.

Soap Opera Update previews the upcoming episodes. They reveal the fate of Eve and Peter's impending nuptials, Jane and Michael's possible divorce and Megan and Ryan's rocky relationship.

Also in Soap Opera Update was a picture of Lisa Rinna in a leopard-print outfit. It could have been made from Amanda's sheets.

Read 'em all at http://geocities.datacellar.net/Hollywood/4616/.

Finally, in an article about Baywatch, Entertainment Weekly had this to say about David Charvet: "The ninth season of Baywatch... has gotten bogged down by the weakest roster ever (a sad distinction, considering such dramatically impaired grads such as Carmen Electra... and David Charvet.). Ouch.

'Til next week...