Were you upset that Hanson didn't MMMBop in last night's episode as I reported two weeks ago? Sorry, I was misinformed. But they'll be on fer shur next week.

This week, Michael met with a not-too-bad-looking female realtor, Linda (she could broker some deals for me), to sell the beach house. There were definite sexual undertones in what she was saying to him, yet he didn't respond. What was wrong with him? He'd normally be all over her like white on rice. And I know rice.

Ryan and Megan obviously had feelings for each other. They rehearsed how they would ask the other out in front of a mirror. They agreed to go out on a date, so their tactics worked. Hmmm, maybe I should give it a try. Nah, that would mean I'd have to clean my mirrors.

Determined to get pregnant, Amanda made a list of things for Kyle to do. Wear boxers so that his 'nads don't get crushed. No hot tubs so his sperm doesn't get cooked. And sex only when she's ovulating. Kyle objected, telling her not to mess with Mother Nature and that he wanted regular sex. Amanda countered with the line of the week. She told him, "Just be patient and let me play God." She's never asked for permission before.

Kyle went to Peter for a physical. He was worried because some of his buddies he served with in Operation Desert Storm have had fertility problems. After shooting at Iraqis, they are now shooting blanks. He then told Peter not to let Amanda know. This was a sure sign that Peter will eventually tell her.

Amanda had a stack of files brought into Ryan's office. He flipped because of the added workload. He thought it was payback for sleeping with Lexi. She said she wasn't that petty. Oh yes she is. Anyway, she explained that she was grooming him to take over the agency for when she has the baby.

Why would she need to do that? She's the CEO. She makes the rules. She could bring baby to work with her. She could breast-feed the tyke in front of her employees. She could do anything she wants. There's no need to step down.

Another funny line came when Peter and Eve found Amanda and Lexi in Peter's office. Eve said to Lexi, "It's nice to see you dressed for a change." Funny, funny.

Amanda and Lexi were there to announce that they were creating a charity to benefit the children's wing of Wilshire Memorial. It's a great cause because Wilshire Memorial is the only hospital in LA and every child in LA is taken care of there. That's where I would be treated.

Ryan and Megan went on their official first date. It looked like he took her to Kyle's. Of course he did. It's the only restaurant in LA.

They had absolutely nothing to talk about besides the weather. The date was not going well. And I should know. I've heard that death knell myself.

To make matters worse, he forgot his wallet and couldn't pay the bill. Megan didn't have any cash or credit cards either. So the restaurant held onto Ryan's car for collateral. Which meant a fate worse than death to many Angelenos... they had to ride public transportation home.

Needless to say he didn't get any that night. He probably ended up spanking his monkey.

While sorting out their possessions at the beach house, Michael and Jane flashed back to their first date. A time when their relationship was fresh. A time when she had a good haircut.

The next day, Michael went to the beach house discover Linda lounging out in a bikini. She said she carried it with her in her brief case. Yeah, all the real estate agents I know have their bikinis in the brief cases. I guess that's why they're called "brief" cases.

She came on to him again. But he said he wanted to be alone because the house evoked many memories for him. He rejected her again. My guess is that the real Michael had been possessed by an alien being. The real Michael would have done her without a second thought. I'd do her without a first thought.

Lexi pressed Eve for her Christmas memories. Since she was in prison and didn't have many recollections, she said she came from a big, well-to-do family who sat in front of a fireplace singing Christmas carols with all her aunts and uncles and cousins. After Lexi left to take a phone call, Amanda bitched that those were her holiday memories that Eve was bragging about. Hers and a hundred million other people with the same Christmas routine.

Back at the beach house, Michael was arguing with Jane about the proceeds from the house sale when who should walk in? Linda, dressed rather provacatively. Jane stormed off. Linda proceeded to jump him. This time, he offered no resistance. All is right in the universe again.

The new guy at Amanda Woodward Advertising, Tim, asked Jane out on a date. She said yes. Now I'm not the proper person to judge, but I didn't think he was all that good-looking.

The morning after, it was revealed that Michael couldn't "perform." I hate when that happens... not that I know. In the professional opinion of Linda, she said he was still in love with Jane. She should know. After all, she is a real estate agent and her expertise is sexual dysfunction.

Amanda discovered she was ovulating. Luckily, she spotted Kyle's SUV on Pacific Coast Highway and ran him off the road to tell him that she had some cooked eggs ready to be cracked. Even more fortunate, she pulled him over right next to a motel where they could do their thing.

At the Jazz Club, Megan spotted Ryan on a business meeting with a beautiful woman, a spokesmodel for one of AWA's clients. I hate those kind of meetings... NOT!

Megan became jealous and ran off. Ryan chased her down, they expressed their feeling for each other and they kissed passionately. It appeared that his monkey would get a reprieve that night.

Peter called the lab which analyzed Kyle's spank. The disorderly technician told Peter that Kyle's sperm count was low. But the tech read to him "Robert" McBride's test results, not Kyle's. Now what are the odds that two different McBrides would submit to a fertility test at the same laboratory, at the exact same time?

So Kyle may not be shooting blanks after all. But that's not what he believes. He thinks he's sterile. When Peter proposed an alternative to conception, in vitro fertilization, Kyle immediatley said no. Why?

They could store up his sperm and inject those puppies into Amanda using a turkey baster or something. But he dismissed that idea without a second thought.

Amanda, Lexi and Eve went to a Christmas tree lot to buy trees as part of their charity event. The owner of the lot, Travis, recognized Eve. Turned out he was a prison guard where she was incarcerated. My, what a coincidence! I doubt we've seen the last of Travis.

After Jane and Tim went to see a movie, she agreed to go back to his place for a "nightcap." Correct me if I'm wrong because my dating skills are extremely poor to non-existant, but does "nightcap" mean sex? I assume it does because Tim seemed awfully giddy.

But when they got into the car and turned the radio on, "Addicted to Love," the song Michael stripped to, was playing. Jane had second thoughts. She asked to be taken home. Tim probably ended up spanking his monkey.

Still ovulating, Amanda called the Jazz Club and talked dirty to Kyle. Believing he was sterile, all Kyle could do was mope.

That's it for this week.

Check out my site for the spoiler for next week's episode, "Suddenly Santas."

Also new there is an article from Playboy naming Heather Locklear as one of the top 100 sex stars of the century.

Soap Opera Digest divulges two new characters. The most important one being Kyle's dad. The other being Kyle's drug dealer.

Lastly, Rob Estes relates his experience directing an episode of The Place. He was forced to watch his real-life wife, Josie Bissett, kiss another man.

Read 'em all at my site, http://geocities.datacellar.net/Hollywood/4616/.

'Til next week...