SPIN CITY VIXEN CAITLIN MOORE - A.K.A HEATHER LOCKLEAR - KNOWS POWER POLITICS. WITH WRITER TOM HERTZ, SHE TELLS RUDY HOW TO BEAT HILLARY.

Hey, Mayor Giuliani, it's Caitlin Moore. Let me get right to the point. I'm writing to offer you a little advice on how to clobber Hillary Clinton in the upcoming Senate race in New York. But please keep this confidential, because it wouldn't look good if people knew that the campaign manager of one of your other opponents was helping you.
     Don't get me wrong: I still think my guy Randall Winston, is a great candidate. But I'm beginning to doubt his chances of actually winning, and I've got to cover my own ass (although right now Versace is doing a fine job of that, thank you very much). Our latest poll numbers are plummeting faster than Jennifer Lopez's neckline. He's down with everyone. It's gotten so bad that we recently polled a group of more than 1,200 people who love Randall Winston and he only got a 41 percent approval rating.
     I know you've got plenty of advisers and consultants to help you win this thing, but they tend to use more traditional methods. I'm here to suggest a few less-savory avenues. Let's face it - politics is a dirty business. Otherwise it wouldn't attract any politicians, right?
     Start with something simple. Point out the confusion that would ensue on the Senate floor if Hillary were to win a seat. "The House recognizes the senator from Washington, D.C. ... no, wait. I mean Arkansas ... What? New York? Are you sure? ... Aw, hell, here's the ex-president's ex-wife." Believe me, Jesse Helms and Strom Thurmond don't need any more items on their "Things to Remember" lists.
     You've got some pretty solid connections with the Yankees. Ask your buddy, The Boss, George Steinbrenner, to publicly invite Hillary to throw out the first ball before some big game. It's a win-win. If she turns him down, then everyone will know what they Already suspect: This "Yankee fan" only wears the cap when she's having a really bad hair day on her gazillionth new hairdo. And better yet, if she shows up, she's going to get booed and laughed out of Yankee Stadium by fans who see you, their fabulous mayor, at games rooting for the Yankees all the time. See? Purr-fect.
     A lot of people think Hillary is only using her Senate run as a stepping-stone to higher office, possibly even back to the White House. You see where this is going. Remind people of her shameless ambition by introducing a new concept in your campaign - term limits for first ladies.
     Finally, if Hillary puts up more of a fight than you anticipated, then it's time for desperate measures. It's time for you to marry her. Then she'll let you get away with anything you want. Please destroy this.