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PILOT ERROR
Think this season sucks? Could have been worse. Real pilots that didn't make the cut.
I SPIKE
It's Charlie's Angels meets Baywatch when female FBI agents go undercover as...wait for it...pro volleyball players. The career-risking cast was to include Daisy Fuentes as an ex-Navy SEAL and Melrose Place's Lisa Rinna as squad leader. Obviously the spandex-clad babe potential didn't escape us...but after the pilot's "counterfeit sunscreen" plot line, where could you go from there?
DOG YEARS
A woman and her talking dog, Zak, do...something. Conflicting reports had the dog voiced by Andy Richter and the guy who does the Pets.com puppet. Other canines reportedly had the voices of Tone Loc and Tommy Chong. Somebody was certainly smoking something...
DAY ONE
A meteor wipes out virtually all life forms on Earth, including Michael Jackson. Luckily, eight strangers on a train survive, including a carpenter, a veterinarian (someone's gotta heal those triumphant cockroaches), and an ex-con. A coed cast and no more condom manufacturers ensure that humans will live on, while that fact that most of them are soap opera stars means society will start over with excellent teeth and hair.
WED AT FIRST SIGHT
Who Wants To Marry A Multi-Millionaire was a long courtship compared with this show, wherein women chose a husband in an hour. Features inspired by other reality shows include advice lifelines, taped interrogations, and on-air proposals. The pilot, buried after the Millionaire debacle, similarly produced a real marriage. Bet they feel stupid now...—David Jacobson
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