Rousing Finales and Bitter Ends
The Federation won the war. Amanda and Peter didn't really die. Tim and Jill stayed put in Michigan. Jamie and Paul lived happily ever after - well, that's what their whiny daughter said.
Oh, yeah, and The Nanny had twins. Loudly. Heaven help us.
Unlike last year's Seinfeld mania, no single series farewell this spring had such cultural resonance. I suppose you could blame "Star Wars" for distracting everyones attention. But this season it seemed less like the end of any era than a necessary - and in many cases, overdue - rite of passage.
In order of preference, here's a critical summary of how it all ended.
Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
A grand mix of soap and space opera. Capping an impressive final season of multilayered intrigues and relationships unfolding in the perilous shadow of an intergalactic war, DS9 gave its fans an emotionally satisfying and spiritually provocative send-off in a jam-packed two-hour finale.
High points: Quite a few. Terrific space battle scenes, suspenseful resistance fighting on the planet Cardassia, a memorable villain in Salome Jens's dying female shape-shifter, and wrenching good-byes all around - as Odo (Rene Auberjonois) left Kira (Nana Visitor) to return to his liquid planet and Captain Sisko (Avery Brooks) vanished into the celestial realm of the Prophets.
Low points: In a heavyhanded war-is-bad message, we're told 800 million perished. But this statistic lacked impact because the war was so bloodlessly dramatized, even when the evil Dominion ordered a genocidal holocaust.
Famous last words: "Nothing lasts forever" - Holographic crooner Vic Fontaine (James Darren), saluting the crew's last night together with "The Way You Look Tonight."
Prognosis for reunion: Quite good. If the Next Generation movies don't incorporate more of these characters in future installments, I'd be shocked.
Home Improvement
The best and most popular family comedy of the '90s took 90 minutes of clips, outtakes and final-curtain hugs to bid a sentimental farewell. It dragged a bit, especially in the middle half hour - the actual final episode - as you waited for the Taylors to realize there's no place like home. But you can't improve on the warm feelings generated by the memories of this TV family's evolution.
High points: Playing back the scenes between Tim Allen and Patricia Richardson, who never lost their enjoyably combative chemistry.
Lowpoints: No Jonathan Taylor Thomas, except in old clips.
Famous last words: "More power" - Allen's mantra, one last time.
Prognosis for reunion: Plausible, especially if Thomas shows up.
Mad About You
The hour finale earned marks for ambition as it skittered back and forth through the future, as grown-up daughter Mabel (Janeane Garofalo) charted her parents' marital tensions (rarely affections), including a brief separation in 2021.
Highpoints: A climactic sequence of tenderly shot home movies reminding us what we loved about Paul Reiser and Helen Hunt's TV relationship in the first place.
Low points: A revolting scene of Jamie (Hunt) changing her mind as Paul undergoes a vasectomy. The episode's jittery and oft-putting structure confirmed how unpleasant and unfunny the show had become lately.
Famous last words: "There are millions of things I want, but only one thing I really need" - Jamie vowing love to Paul.
Prognosis for reunion: No way. We already know how this couple turns out.
Melrose Place
Attempted murders, faked deaths, two weddings, a staged funeral - and still, a dull final hour. "I'm all out of fight," Amanda (the durable Heather Locklear) confessed during the hush-hush, who-cared finale. And Melrose Place was all out of steam. Had been for years.
High points: Newlyweds Amanda and Peter (Jack Wagner), in tropical exile, considered naming their offspring after all the crazies they had survived - except for their memorably insane nemesis Kimberly (the much-missed Marcia Cross).
Low point: Anything involving perky psychopath Eve (Rena Sofer), a comedown from the wondrous wackos who used to be a Melrose specialty.
Famous last words: "It's this building. It makes people nuts.. Like the opposite of Lourdes" - Michael (Thomas Calabro).
Prognosis for reunion: Nil. The cheap thrill is gone.
The Nanny
"Oy, that can't be good," said Fran Drescher, about to go into labor in a stalled elevator. Truer words were never spoken.
High points: That snazzy Ann Hampton Callaway theme song. It always was the show's best asset.
Low points: Antagonists C.C. (Lauren Lane) and Niles (Daniel Davis) getting married over Fran
in the delivery room.
Famous last words: "Oh, my God, she's got my mother's hips!" - Fran giving birth to her daughter.
Prognosis for reunion: Only if we're all really bad.