A spin-off of the "Big Bunny" episode, which originally aired on December 8, 1973.
Invasion of the Moon Creatures (aka Big Bunny)
Series 4
The Goodies send experimental rabbits up to the moon, who breed,
become powerful, and prepare to invade the Earth. Bill and Tim go up
after them, braving a meteor storm, the Tardis, and Graeme's radio
communication protocol. (8/12/73)
CAST:
Tim Brooke-Taylor.........Tim Brooke-Taylor
Graeme Garden..............Graeme Garden
Bill Oddie.......................Bill Oddie
(First scene: Outside shot of a shack on the moon. Inside shot: many rabbits sitting around, nibbling on carrots. Bill Oddie is looking funky in a purple leisure suit that fits snugly; Tim Brooke-Taylor is wearing a cheesy-looking rabbit costume and buck teeth. He hovers over a small rabbit sitting on a tall pedestal.)
BILL: (yelling in an incredibly annoying screechy voice) Tim, if you don't stop staring at that rabbit, I'm warnin' ya, I'll belt ya one! (wiggles around gesturing with his fist)
TIM: (stroking rabbit) I can't help it. You see, life was meaningless until we landed on this moon and I met (lovingly) Bum-fluff.
BILL: Listen! Y' gone off the deep end! Ya can't sit around mooning all day ya know! (pause) Way-hey, "mooning," get it? Ha! Get it?
TIM: Look, I'm staying. I'm establishing a British colony--(shot of puppet rabbits by a gramophone putting on a record; "Land of Hope and Glory" begins) That's right; Bum-fluff and I are claiming the moon for Britain--not to have our names go down in history--
BILL: I should hope not, with a name like 'Bum-fluff'--
TIM: --not for the glory, no, not even for the dune buggy races held on Thursdays in the craters...I'm staying -- for England! (shot of puppet-bunnies waving miniature UK flags)
BUNNIES: (in high-pitched voices) Yaaaayyy!
BILL: You're bleedin' barmy! Dij-didnjt--(indecipherable) dij' ya know you'll be serving Big Bunny?
TIM: Big Bunny is just the kind of leader we need to make Britain great again...he's better organized, better experienced, and shows more leadership skills than Britain's top political leaders. Plus he's a whole heck of a lot cuddlier... (BILL runs over to the gramophone, grabs the record and breaks it over Tim's head)
BILL: Enough of this tat. We've got to go back to Graeme!
TIM: (stunned) Why?
BILL: Because we're not THE GOODIES if there's just two of us! There's a clause in our BBC contract that says one of us can't work without the other two.
TIM: I always wondered about that...
BILL: Besides, all me clothing has "The Goodies" written on it, can't just throw that lot away. And there's nothing to nosh on here on the moon EXCEPT THESE BLEEDING CARROTS! (throws carrot away)
TIM: (petulant child-like voice) Well I'm not going. This is where Bum-fluff and I plan to raise our litter, (aside to Bum-fluff) don't we darling? (firmly) So you'll just have to go alone.
BILL: (Bill gets out a black pudding sausage-type thing. [see "Ecky-thump" episode]) Do you remember what this is?
TIM: I'm coming.
BILL: Good.
TIM: But Bum-fluff must come too...
BILL: All right, all right... (there is a general talking over each other's lines.)
(That is all that the BBC has salvaged of this scene...Thank God.)
(Second scene: Bill and Tim are back on earth, running around a grassy knoll to the snazzy "Run, run, run away--I'm runnin'" song. The cage hanging from the tree prop is used again. Bum-fluff is safely tucked in Tim's space-helmet on top of his head, which, for some reason, he continues to wear. This segment lasts for just a few brief seconds until the tape suddenly cuts off to the next big scene.)
(Third scene: In the Goodies' "office." All the Goodies are present; Tim is still serving Big Bunny. Bobbies are milling around. Some unknown chaos has apparently just ended.)
BILL: All right, all right--push off. (ushers a group of bobbies out the door with a shepherd's staff. Bum-fluff assists by racing around on the floor, acting as a shepherd's dog).
GRAEME: Well, that was a close one...
BILL: I knew this would come in handy someday! (puts staff in closet)
TIM: (picking up B.F.) Good job, my little pumpkin...
BILL: Eh--what are we gonna do about him, eh?
GRAEME: There's one way to find out. (goes over to his computer) Come on, Bessie, don't fail me now...(punches in numbers, adjusted settings. Computer whirrs and spits out some paper tape. G. looks at it) All my scientific data confirms that he's still under the influence of Big Bunny; however, this has caused a noticeable improvement in his personality.
BILL: You call thinkin' you're a rabbit a noticeable improvement?!
GRAEME: Well, he is in love. That's made him happier and, let's face it, they make a cute couple, don't they? But Big Bunny has all the power. (shakes head) It's just not right.
BILL: Yeah--and all that luver's talk 'es puttin' on is makin' me vomit! (looks over at Tim again)
TIM: ...sweetie-peetie-poopsy-whoppsie...
BILL: Look out! 'ere I go again!
GRAEME: Wait! (presses a button on the wall; it flips over and presents a modern mini-vomatorium, complete with aqua-pik and high-powered hose.) There you are.
TIM: Well, we're off now!
G & B: WHAT?!?
TIM: Well, now that Bum-fluff has domesticated me. No more care-free bachelor days for me! We're settling down and raise a littler.
BILL: What, are you off to Bognor?
(general discouragement by G & B)
TIM: You can't expect Bum-fluff and I to share this...this (with disdain) bachelor pad with you two. I mean, just look around--look, look at that beanbag, and your computer, and--is it me or is that giant "G" on the door starting to look a bit goofy?
GRAEME: Oh, that'd be because its been twenty years since this was recorded. A bit dated, you know...
(TIM goes over to his "royal" desk and chair and starts to pack his things. This includes the "royal" telephone, the picture of Queen Elizabeth on a motorcycle, and the Prince Charles triptych.)
(B puts his arm around G and starts to whisper conspiratorially)
GRAEME: Eeewww! You're standing entirely too close to me. (B. backs off) And quit saying "Sssss-ssssss." I can't tell what you're saying. Now, this is serious. Do you know what this means?
BILL: Yeah. It means we haven't got a proper pecking order anymore! It'll be just you an' me...
GRAEME: No, no. It means we'll be two pathetic middle-aged bachelors sharing a flat...too close to a Neil Simon play if you know what I mean. ("Odd Couple" theme starts playing.) This is about camaraderie, friendship, loyalty....and besides Tim's the only one who knows how to type.
BILL: Aye, and 'e does the washing up...but what can we do? I'm panickin'!
GRAEME: Don't panic! I have--(turns towards his computer)--a solution...(turns around with hypodermic needle). This mixture of carrot extract in an alcohol solution will solve all our domestic cleanliness problems.
BILL: HEY! Wait a minute--'e's a flippin' rabbit! 'e LIKES carrots--how's that gonna cure 'im?
GRAEME: It probably won't...but it seems just about as rational as anything else we do.
BILL: (slap-happy grin) Way-hey! Right you are!
(G and B sneak up on T, apply alcohol to sterilize his "bunny" ear, and G. jabs the needle in. Tim is blissfully unaware while he's tending to his mate--ahem, rabbit.)
TIM: ...Ah, wha...what am I doing drooling all over a bunny?
BILL: ITS WORKED!
GRAEME: Knew it would.
BILL: (jumping up and down like a little kid) I got this great guitar riff to play at this part!
(Tape ends)
The Goodies (formerly)
Lost Footage
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Last updated April 5, 1996 by
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