The Almost Exciting Adventure of Clarissa Albury-Tomlinson.


Hubert Halberd-Hewitt first became aware of Clarissa Albury-Tomlinson in the first class section of a transatlantic flight from New York to London. Initially he thought he was mistaken but a second and third glance confirmed that the rather attractive young lady with the half empty Champagne bottle placed strategically within her grasp was indeed winking at him over a copy of 'The Tatler' magazine. Even in first class all the seats were fully occupied except from the one next to the woman who appeared to be trying to attract his attention. She placed the magazine in the seat pocket and was now smiling broadly at him with full sensuous lips. Hubert could hardly believe his luck.Once again he paused to confirm that the woman was indeed smiling at him and decided he had to find out who she was. So he took a quick gulp of air and with a swig of the complementary Scotch   for courage he approached the woman. As he approached he noticed that his first impressions were indeed correct and that the woman was even more attractive when viewed close up.

'Excuse me' he almost stammered 'but I wonder if you would mind awfully if I introduced myself. I know this sounds very forward and it isn't something I would normally do but I couldn't take my eyes off of you. I'm Hubert Halbard-Hewitt but you can call me Hughie - all my friends do'. He offered his hand as if to shake hands but immediately recognised this breach of protocol and mumbled an apology.

'Clarissa Albury-Tomlinson' the woman said rather regally and she offered him her gloved hand. Hubert had been raised a gentlemen so he did what his training in etiquette demanded and kissed the proffered hand lightly on the back of her gloved  hand. He had obviously passed some kind of test as the woman smiled and indicated that he could sit on the vacant seat adjacent to her. Within minutes they were deep in conversation and they seemed to have so much in common. Both of them moved in the highest strata of English society and both of them demanded and received the best in life - the finest food, the most expensive wines and the best seats at the opera. As his patre would have said 'She is quite a filly' and he wondered why he had never met her before given the rather elite circles both of them moved in. He had to know more about this creature of class and beauty.

'Claire...' he started.

'Clarissa' she corrected him gently.

'Clarissa,  I wonder if you would do me the great honour of coming to see 'La Boheme' with me?'.

Clarissa looked slightly surprised at the question as if her reply was never in doubt. 'Of course Hughie. I would love to'.

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A few days after they had met Clarissa and Hubert were leaving the Royal Opera House. Hubert felt the night had been a resounding success as not only was the production the best he had ever heard but also the seats he had acquired offered unparalleled views of the stage. Clarissa looked gorgeous in a lime green satin opera gown and white opera gloves. Throughout the production his ears were attuned to the singing but his eyes were most definitely on his companion.

As they left Clarissa turned to him. 'Hughie, that was absolutely divine' she said dreamily.

'Claire...' said Hubert.

'Clarissa' she chided.

'Clarissa, I wonder if you would do me the great honour and come back to my residence for a cognac? I know this sounds very forward but..'

Once again Clarissa smiled broadly with her full sensuous lips. 'Of course Hughie, I would love to.

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So they took a taxi to Hubert's penthouse flat which was located in one of the most prestigious dockland developments in London.As they entered the flat, Hubert switched on the light and Clarissa surveyed the room quickly. She obviously liked what she saw as once again she beamed coyly at her host.

'Claire...' said Hubert.

'Clarissa' said Clarissa.

'Clarissa. I wonder if you would like to see the bedroom? I know this sounds very forward but...'.

Clarissa moved closer to Hubert and wrapped her opera gloved arms around his neck  She then pulled his face towards hers and gave him the most smoldering french kiss he had ever experienced. It was in fact the only french kiss he had ever experienced and it suddenly occurred to him that he had led a rather sheltered life. They embraced for. what seemed to Hubert, several minutes whilst her tongue probed his mouth in a most sensual manner and his pulse rate rapidly rose. When they finally disengaged Hubert gulped. 'I'll make sure the bed is ready' he stammered.

Hubert went and bounced on the bed and pinched himself to ensure he wasn't dreaming. 'Well, this is it old boy' he thought to himself. He was still attired in his opera suit but somehow he knew he would enjoy it as his paramour disrobed him. He could hardly contain his sense of anticipation but it was a couple of minutes before Clarissa finally followed him into the bedroom. She entered the room, her hands clasped seductively behind her back and her eyes sparkling.

'Claire...'.

'Clarissa' she reminded him.

'Clarissa, I wonder if you would do me the great honour of sleeping with me?' he said.

Clarissa smiled again, her full red lips tastefully re-touched with lip gloss since their passionate embrace. 'There is a price for all this Hubert' she said simply.

For a moment Hubert was dumbfounded. 'Price? What do you mean?'.His thoughts slowly formulated and a horrible idea entered his head. 'You're not a ......'.

'Certainly not' Clarissa interjected indignantly.

'So what do you do Claire?' said Hubert.

'For the last time Hughie, the name is Clarissa' she said. She paused and then added rather nonchalantly 'And I rob people'.

Just to prove the point she unclasped her hands from behind her back and in her right hand, almost hidden in the palm of her gloved hand, was a small silvery automatic pistol.

'Now' said Clarissa 'I wonder if you would do me the great honour of giving me the combination of the safe which is obviously hidden in that painting over the bed'. She was still smiling. 'NOW'. The gun inched forward for emphasis and her smile disappeared.

'10-65-42' he mumbled.

'Thank you Hughie' she said and smiled again. Clarissa moved to the bed and swung back the picture to reveal a safe. Hubert had never considered himself a hero but he decided to make a move. He leapt upwards from the bed and sprung at Clarissa. During her previous robberies this had happened to Clarissa before and though but it was a rare occurrence she knew what to do.

Because you are a woman, wear expensive perfume and dress in the most exclusive designer dresses men think you won't shoot. To Clarissa it was a simple choice, the contents of the safe or spending the next few minutes rolling around on the floor grappling for the gun like some common fishwife. In reality it was no choice at all - she shot him in the stomach.

Hubert's leap became more like a lurch The bullet did not fully stop his charge but did severely impeded his momentum. His arms encircled her waist and his head rested momentarily on her lap. Clarissa brought her knee up in a most unladylike manner and Hubert slumped backwards against the wall.

'Silly boy' Clarissa. chided 'now I've got blood all over my nice new dress'.

Clarissa returned to the safe and proceeded to remove the contents, some cash and a set of jewelry cases. She placed the haul under her left arm and made towards the door which joined the bedroom and lounge. Hubert was still slumped against the wall nursing both a bullet wound to his stomach and a sore jaw where Clarissa had struck him with her knee. The pain really was too much and he was groaning softly under his breath. He saw her just about to exit the room.

'Claire' he said 'I'm not feeling too good. I wonder if you would do me a great favour and call a quack on your way out'.

Clarissa stopped and turned the gun now held casually   in her right hand next to her waist. 'This really is too much' she thought to herself.

'Hubert, my surname may not be Albury-Tomlinson but it IS Clarissa' she said rather harshly.

'It has an I'. BANG. Clarissa's gun spat out a bullet and it entered Hubert's upper left leg. He groaned.

'An S'. BANG. The second bullet hit him higher up in the stomach and he groaned again.

'Another S'.  BANG.The third bullet entered his chest and he tried to groan but found his lungs couldn't find the necessary air to do so.

'And an A'. BANG. He couldn't groan any more. The bullet went through his heart and killed him.

'Now look what you've made me do' said Clarissa.

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A few hours later and Clarissa was back at her apartment. She looked at the contents of the jewelry cases one more time. No doubt about it, the jewelry was all fake. 'Men can be such frauds' she thought to herself. 'Now let's see. There was £5000 cash and a bit of worthless jewelry. That's not even going to cover expenses; two first class air tickets and of course I'll need a new dress after Hughie ruined it for me. I could ask daddy for some cash' she thought 'or then again I could....' Clarissa thought hard.

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Warren Wilmington-Williamson first became aware of Clarissa Ollenburg-Newbetter in the first class section of a transatlantic flight from London to New York......

THE END.


    

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