Power Rangers Meet Seinfeld
by Kittie
INT. SEINFELD'S APARTMENT, DAY
Jerry sits in front of the television, bored out of his mind, flipping channels.
Jerry: Nope.... Nope.... Boring.... Stupid.... Tattooed Teenage Alien Fighters From Beverly Hills?! (Frustratedly turns off the television.) There's nothing on television. There's never anything on television. Maybe I'll call George. (Reaches for the phone, then pulls back.) Nah.
There is a commotion outside, then Kramer bursts in.
Jerry: Hi, Kramer.
Kramer: Yeah, hey. Hey.
Jerry: What's wrong with you?
Kramer: Have you talked to George?
Jerry: Not since the sixties. Why?
Kramer: He's moving away!
Jerry: What? You're kidding, right?
Kramer: No! Guess where he's going.
Jerry: I'm not going to guess.
Kramer: Come on, guess!
Jerry: I'm not-
Kramer: Aaaaahhh!
Jerry: All right! (Rolls eyes.) Jeez... Mississippi.
Kramer: Mississippi? What kind of guess is that?
Jerry: Are you going to tell me or-
Kramer: California!
Jerry: He's moving to California?
Kramer: EEEEYeah! (Almost falls over.) California!
Jerry: Hmph. (Pause.) So what part?
Kramer: (Begins to raid the fridge.) Angel Grove.
Jerry: Angel Grove? There's no such place.
Kramer: There is, you know. (Grabs an apple, kicks the fridge closed.)
Jerry: No. There's an Angel Grove, Florida, but no Angel Grove, California.
Kramer: Yeah! It's right near Stone Canyon! Look it up!
Jerry: I will. I have an atlas right here... (Heads for bookcase slowly, waiting for Kramer to recant. He doesn't.) I'm going to look it up. I am.
Kramer: (Excitedly, in a typical Kramer fashion.) Go ahead! Go on! I DARE ya!
The buzzer rings.
Jerry: (Makes a beeline for the intercom.) That'll be Elaine.
Jerry: (Into intercom) Yeah?
Elaine: (O.S.) It's me!
Jerry: Come on up.
Kramer: Look it up! Go on!
Jerry: (Ignores him, opens the door for Elaine.) I'm not gonna look it up.
Kramer: Yeah, cuz you know I'm right. (Shakes his apple at Jerry.) Angel Grove, California!
Kramer heads out the door and bumps comically into Elaine, who is just heading in. He mumbles a "Hey, how ya doin? See yah," and then he's gone. Elaine gives him a weird look and enters Jerry's.
Elaine: Hi! Hey, didja hear about George?
Jerry: Kramer said he was moving?
Elaine: He IS! To Angel Grove, California!
Jerry: Are you sure you don't mean Angel Grove, Florida?
Elaine: No! California! I can't believe he's going to do it!
Jerry: You'll miss him, huh?
Elaine: No! They have monsters in Angel Grove.
Jerry: Monsters. In Angel Grove.
Elaine: Yes! These monsters go on rampages of destruction through downtown Angel Grove and these superheroes called the... Forest Rangers, or something, go after them in big robots and blow 'em to hell!
Jerry: Uh-huh.
Elaine: Are you telling me you never heard of the Forest Rangers?
Jerry: No! That-
Elaine: (Slams him in the chest, he stumbles backward several feet.) GET OUT!!! Really?!
Jerry: No! Forest Rangers, that's just-
The intercom buzzes.
Jerry: (Into intercom.) Yeah?
George: (O.S.) It's George.
Jerry: Come on up.
Elaine: You really never heard of all this?
Jerry: No! Whoever heard of monsters attacking a city?
Elaine: They're aliens, you know. Trying to take over the world. I'll tell you one thing, if they ever do it, I'll be ready.
Jerry: Yeah? How?
Elaine: Well, I'm still single, right? I could be an alien queen. Huh? Whaddaya think? (Laughs and slaps his shoulder.) Gotcha!!
Jerry: Whatever.
George appears in the doorway, looking pitiful and dejected.
George: Hi.
Jerry: What's with you?
George: I'm moving to California. Angel Grove, California.
Elaine: Tough luck, George. Say hi to the monsters for me.
George: (Laughs nervously.) Monsters? Ha. I'm sure the locals aren't that bad. I've heard they're a little off, but-
Jerry: You mean you don't know?
George: Know? Know what?
Jerry: (Hushed, conspiratorially.) The monsters. Angel Grove is swarming with monsters.
Elaine: (Nodding.) Alien monsters. Big scary, alien monsters.
George: Monsters?! In Angel Grove?! Oh, great, just great! You know I already bought the house, you know that don't you? Monsters! Of course... (Throws his hands in the air and heads for Jerry's fridge.)
Jerry: Don't you have your own fridge?
Elaine: Why'd you buy the house already?
George: It was such a great deal! And they said the neighbors were really nice... Monsters?! Jeez....
INT. ERNIE'S JUICE BAR, ANGEL GROVE CALIFORNIA, DAY
A group of six teens are sitting at a small table, slurping on Frostees.
Jason: So, Billy, someone finally bought the house next door to you, huh?
Billy: Affirmative. I'm afraid we haven't been able to observe the new occupant as of yet.
Zack: You mean they haven't moved in yet, right?
Billy: Precisely.
Kim: I hope they're nice. Maybe they've got kids our age!
Billy: Negative. My father has informed me that our new neighbor is a single businessman from New York.
Trini: He'll probably be nice, though.
Tommy: I don't know. I've heard stories about New Yorkers.
A portly man approaches the table with a tray of food.
Ernie: Hey, kids, I just made a pot of chili. How about a taste?
Zack: All right, Ernie! Bring it on!
EXT. 1521 MAPLE STREET, ANGEL GROVE CALIFORNIA, DAY
George, Elaine, Jerry, and Kramer are standing outside a nice little house.
Jerry: Nice neighborhood. Quiet.
Elaine: Verrry quiet.
Kramer: EEEEEYeah.
George: I wanted quiet. I wanted to get away from the loudness and rudeness of New York. Look at all these great parking spaces! Just look!
Jerry: Yeah, it's a toss-up. Parking spaces and monsters, or no parking spaces and no monsters.
George: Monsters! Awww!
Kramer: Hey, let's take a look inside, huh? You furnished it yet?
George: No. I still have to take care of all that. Monsters!
INT. BILLY'S GARAGE, DAY
The lights are dimmed, and Billy is hard at work over a gadget of some kind. The other rangers are wandering around the lab, touching things they're not supposed to.
Zack: Hey, Billy, are you done yet? I'm hungry!
Tommy: Yeah, man. It's been hours since lunch.
Trini: It looks like he's about there, right Billy?
Billy: Affirmative. All systems... nominal!
He whips off his goggles and presents the newly completed gadget to the gang.
Kim: Um... so what is that thing?
Billy: I'm not sure yet. That would require further research.
Zack: Right. So let's order a pizza or something. I'm starved!
Jason, who has been staring out the window, suddenly calls to the others.
Jason: Hey guys, check it out! I think Billy's new neighbor is here!
Everyone runs to the window and peers out. They see Seinfeld and crew looking Billy's house over critically.
Billy: It appears they've mistaken my house for theirs.
Trini: Let's go straighten them out.
The teens exit the garage.
Kramer: Hey, George. There's some miscreants in your garage.
Jason: Hi.
Elaine: (Looks him over critically, starts to flirt.) Hi.
Jason blushes as the others try to hold back their laughs.
Zack: Uh, listen, I think you guys are confused. You've got the wrong house.
George: What are you talking about? 1521 Maple street.
Billy: I'm afraid not, sir. You see, 1521 is the number of my domicile.
George: (To Jerry.) You hear that? His domicile. Unbelievable.
Trini: He means 1521 is his address.
George: I know what he means! I don't believe this.
Jerry: What?
George: I've been taken! I just bought a house that wasn't for sale!
Elaine: Are you sure? Maybe you've got the address wrong?
Billy: Affirmative. You see, 1523 has been on sale for years now-
George: No. No! Look, it's right here, it's got the official seal and everything! I don't believe this.
Jerry: Probably not an official seal, then.
Kramer has wandered into Billy's garage.
Kramer: Whoa, look at this place!
Billy: (Hurries over.) I'm sorry, sir. But it would probably be wise for you to vacate these premises before-
Kramer touches something weird, get a big shock, and jerks back Kramer-style.
Kramer: Yeeeouch!
Billy: (Flinches.) Oh.
Jerry: Look at it this way, George. At least you don't have to deal with the monsters.
Elaine has cornered Jason against a car and has turned on the charm full-force. Billy is trying to get Kramer out of his lab, the others just watch all this, confused as Hell. Jerry turns to Zack.
Jerry: Nice neighborhood. How are your taxes?
End
