Marek Vit's Kurt Vonnegut Corner



Sons of Gasstrotis

Joseph Scala


(2003)

 

Of the roughly six-hundred-billion planets that orbit the sun-star Gasstrotis, about three- to four-hundred million currently sustain some form of life.  Of these, less than one-third are inhabited by creatures visible to the human eye, and of these there are only two planets whose species have what we might reasonably call a brain: there's Gallaca (whose notorious inhabitants have the nasty habit of eating their children), and of course the pretty blue-green and white orb named Ithbay.

The Martians, as they call themselves, are the dominant life form on the planet Ithbay, and are by far the most the most intelligent and gifted creatures in Gasstrotis.

"And have been for a damn-well long time!" they would often haughtily remind their children.  A Martian was typically angry and sulky for most of his later life, partly from exhaustion from toiling all day under his heavy brain, and partly from frustration for caring for his poor old eye.

          Most scholars believe that the source of much Martian unhappiness is this very eye.  For while the suspiciously humanoid creatures of Ithbay have been blessed by the gods of creation with an enormously large brain (It is well known throughout Gasstrotis that a Martian's grey matter may become so large later in his life that it becomes necessary to disassemble it and distribute the pieces among his children), they unfortunately lose most of their abilities of sight as small children.  A Martian adult is reduced to one bleary, cloudy, irritated eye, and is cursed by near-blindness for the rest of his life.  Pedestrian accidents were commonplace and often fatal on Ithbay (this peculiar epidemic is unique to the system of Gasstrotis), which is no surprise if you picture a blind jay-walker with an enormously large brain.

          One day, Martian scientists discovered that the Martian brain (excluding those of the elderly or small children) was capable of comprehending simultaneously the whole of Gasstrotis, and was therefore more suitable for navigation than that blasted eye, and that every Martian on the planet Ithbay should just keep his eye shut for the rest of his life.

           Immediately, the plan produced an improvement in every Martian’s daily life, and they soon enjoyed hassle free trips to the park under the sole guidance of their brain.  The discovery sparked a new Golden age on the planet Ithbay, and so the Martians passed on their knowledge of blind-sight to their children.  No teen-age Martian ever again felt self-conscious during the shedding of his child-eye, and word soon spread of the Martians, the Good-Natured Geniuses of Gasstrotis.

          Of all the forms of life under Gasstrotis, the Martians of Ithbay are the only ones who teach their children to see with their brain and not with their eye.

 


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Last modified: March 10, 2003
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