Token Ring
Ron Dolling
Thank God there’s life after death.
“I have
questions! I have questions for you Lord.”
“Questions?”
“What is Heaven
like?”
“Perhaps you
should save that one for later, I can’t answer it right now.”
“But you said
…”
“I know, but be
patient; ask another question.”
“Is there a
Heaven, and a Hell?”
“Yes there are
both.”
“I have another
question. Is Heaven beyond that light for me, or Hell?”
“Actually …
both.”
“ … Lord, I
know I’ve been a sinner, but I’ve repented, confessed, I am a religious man, a
believer – maybe not always, but now I am. Isn’t that what is important? I’ve been basically a good person; I know I
could have done better; I could do better. Please God. Please God let me go
back. I’ll do better!”
“But I said
that you were to go both places, to Heaven as well!”
“But what do I
have to do to keep from Hell; what more can I do? What about forgiveness?”
“Is that a
question? Is it one of your questions?”
“Yes.”
“I can’t answer
it right now; ask another one.”
“I thought you
were the God of Truth?”
“I am, but it wouldn’t
make sense right now; ask another question.”
“… If I am to
go the Hell, surely most people will go to Hell. I thought half went to Hell
and half didn’t; that’s what I thought. I know that it doesn’t say it in the
Bible, but that is what I thought. I just thought that if I lead a better life
than half the people, I would get in … To Heaven”
“You do get in;
I said that you go the Heaven and Hell; perhaps I should have said Hell and
Heaven? I’ll answer your question, I am not the Lord of riddles, but the Lord
of truth: all go to Hell and Heaven.”
“I’ve lead a
good life, why should I do time in Hell at all? Is it a matter of time? Will I
spend less time in Hell than a criminal? Is that it?”
“No, everyone
goes to exactly the same Hell and Heaven. There is no difference, no matter how
severe the sin.”
“Then what is
the point in leading a good life? Do you not value good more than anything
else?”
“There is the
most desperate of reasons to live a good life. I value good above all. I am the
Lord of all that is Good.”
“Forgive me
Lord. Please forgive me. I’m upset…why must I go to Hell?”
“You would not
understand the answer unless you ask more questions first. Most just stare at
the light and walk toward it or not. They stay for a while or move on. No one
asks a question; it never occurs to anyone to ask questions. They are too moved
by the experience to take advantage. You are powerfully inquisitive. You come
here and you and begin to ask the right questions, but then you can’t get past
the answers. Do not lose this opportunity. I am the God of Truth. This is your
opportunity; ask the questions to which you’ve always wanted to know the
answers.”
“But Hell …
what is Hell like? … no, don’t answer … I can’t bear the answer. Don’t answer right
now, even if you will. You’ve already answered my biggest question: Is there
life after death.”
“Yes, there is
life after death, but you never really doubted that.”
“It was always
the biggest question in my mind, but you are right, I never had any doubt. I
just couldn’t believe in eternal nothingness; although, strangely I always felt
that it is as bad as Hell. In a way I thought it would be worse, and right now,
I just don’t know. I just don’t want to think about it.”
“Yet you must
think about it...”
“…Where am I?”
“Talking to me.
Talking to God”
“Yes, I know,
but what is this place?”
“You’re on the
edge, between life and death. You can think of this place as the edge.”
“I was praying,
what happened?”
“A piece of the
Cathedral fell on the back of your head; you are not conscious.”
“Will I live?”
“Yes, it is not
your time; you will regain consciousness.”
“So I’m not
going to Hell yet?”
“You are going
to Heaven and Hell.”
“But you said
that I am going to live.”
“You will live
a life of Heaven and Hell as you have always done.”
“But you said
after I die I will go to Heaven and Hell, or Hell and Heaven, you said …”
“You will; when
eventually your body is buried, you will go to Hell and Heaven, or Heaven and
Hell, whatever word order you prefer.”
“I don’t understand.
You said that you are not the God of riddles. So I will live a life of Heaven
and Hell as I have done. I will live a life a fulfillment and disappointment?
Of pleasure and pain? Of excitement and terror? Just an ordinary life of good
and bad?”
“Yes, you
understand Heaven and Hell; that is what I mean.”
“But after I
die, my body dies, I will go on to live in the same way? Another life like this
one?”
“Yes, that is
what I mean.”
“You are
talking about reincarnation. That is not what I’ve been told. That is not what
the bible says. That cannot be!”
“I am not
talking about reincarnation in the sense that you mean.”
“Then how do
you mean it?”
“Keep your
questions specific. Only by responding to your specific questions will my
answers make sense. I am the God of Truth. It is not the Truth if you do not
understand the answers.”
“So if I go on
to live another life like this one, a life of Heaven and Hell, it might not be
so bad. It could be another good life. My life has not been so bad; I have not
suffered much. I am not complaining Lord.”
“Yes, that is
how you could think about it. It is not exactly right, but it is what your mind
can easily understand. You go on to another life that is not perfect: a life of
Heaven and Hell.”
“Then that is
reincarnation. Will I go onto a better life? If you lead a good and faithful
life do you get a better life later on, more Heaven than Hell?”
“No all go to
exactly the same Heaven and Hell.”
“You’ve said that
before, but it makes no sense. If my soul goes on to live another life, surely
it will be unique and it will be my own Heaven and Hell, my own life.”
“I am
speaking in riddles… you do not understand... you go on to live all other
lives.”
“All other lives.
All other lives?”
“Yes, you go on
to live all other lives.”
“At the same
time?”
“Yes and no;
you can think of it as though you do.”
“ … But how is
that possible? I am one man, one soul. How can I go on to live more than one
life? My soul would go from this life to the next life.”
“You understand
Heaven and Hell, perhaps you do not understand the soul.”
“Very well,
explain the soul, or will you delay the Truth until I ask more specific
questions?”
“I will try
something different. I will ask you questions so that you understand my
answers.”
“O.K…”
“What is the
difference between you and everyone else?”
“What do you
mean? I am not like anyone else. I do not have an identical twin brother and
even if I did …”
“No, what is
the essential difference? What is the difference if you were to compare
yourself to another person as opposed to you comparing two other people to each
other?”
“I still don’t
follow.”
“Imagine that
everyone else were a lifeless android. Each a perfectly convincing one
programmed incredibly well. What is the essential difference?”
“ I have
control over myself. I can wave my hand or not, decide what I am going say and
say it or not. They have control over themselves, but it is different. I feel
my own life; I see; I breathe. They feel their own, but it is theirs; I do not
feel through them. From my point of view, I am unique; all others are the same.
Yes they could be soulless androids, but they are not. Yes, I could be the
center of the Universe, except for you of course, but that is just a thought
experiment - science fiction. It’s silly assuming that I am so much more than
they are. I am not the center of the Universe. Are you saying otherwise?”
“Yes and no.”
“Yes and no …
this isn’t helping. I’m confused. First of all you tell me I’m going to Hell,
and then you tell me that I’m really going to be reincarnated, but not, because
I’m going to be reincarnated into everyone else.”
“Yes, sort of.
You have the idea … sort of.”
“So what is the
idea exactly?”
“Be patient,
you have preconceived ideas that are not compatible with what I am trying to
teach you. I have as much difficulty with your way of thinking as you do with
mine.”
“But you are
God; surely you know what I think; surely you know me better than I know
myself?”
“You are right.
I know you better than you know yourself.”
“… So the rest
of the world is filled with androids. I’ve read a story like that once, by an
author named Kilmer Trout or something like that … Kilgore I think. Everyone
else in the world was an android programmed just for his sake … everyone. The
problem is someone took the book seriously and went on a rampage. Perhaps I
should have led my life more selfishly.”
“No, for the
most part you have led your life well. A rampage would be terrible; it is
violent and evil.”
“So what is the
point of your android question?”
“You understand
the difference between yourself and everyone else?”
“Yes, but you
could be having the same conversation with anyone and they would give you the
same answer!”
“Yes, but that is
the limitation of your thinking; you imagine that you are like everyone else,
but you can decide how you live your life moment to moment and you cannot
decide for others. That is the essential difference. Recognize the asymmetry of
your situation from your point of view. You are different.”
“O.K., but I
have to have a huge ego to accept that I am different than everyone else in
that way.”
“That is O.K.
It is necessary for understanding the soul; however, living your life, it is
necessary to accept fairness and equality.”
“And I’ve done
that haven’t I? I’ve been a fair person?”
“As I’ve said
before, you’ve lived a good life. Comparatively, you’ve lived a superb life.
All should live a life like yours.”
“Is that your
judgment Lord?”
“That is self
evident; you know the world; you know the difference between good and evil; you
can judge yourself for yourself.”
“But it is not
going to keep me out of Hell.”
“Do not lose
the opportunity …”
“O.K. … So if I
view myself as more than everyone else, I can understand the soul?”
“If you
understand that, you do understand the soul.”
“…”
“The soul is
the point in the Universe where the decision is made.”
“…The soul is
the point in the Universe where the decision is made...”
“Yes.”
“ … I do not
understand.”
“The soul is
consciousness, and it occurs at the point the decision is made.”
“So, I make a
decision; I have a soul. The others are androids; they do not have a soul.”
“Yes and no.”
“I don’t
under…”
“Where is the
point of consciousness?”
“Everyone is
conscious.”
“Are they? Do
you feel their consciousness as you feel your own?”
“No.”
“They are like
androids.”
“All right they
are like androids. There is only one point of consciousness and that is me.”
“That is the
Truth.”
“That is fine,
but each of them is like me, they could take my place …”
“For you to
understand the soul, it is necessary to let go of that.”
“But is what I
say not true?”
“Yes, but it is
a paradox. You must let go.”
“ … So, now
that I understand the soul, now that I’m so much more enlightened and satisfied
what should I ask?”
“You are not
satisfied.”
“I am sorry
Lord; please forgive me, but I am not getting it.”
“Perhaps you
are interested in the properties of the soul, how it behaves. To understand how
something behaves is to truly understand.”
“The soul is
good and evil?”
“The soul is
neither; people are good and evil.”
“And there is
only one soul … mine.”
“Yes, but it is
shared.”
“How?”
“You can think
of it as a token that gets passed around from being to being. You have it at
this point, and then it goes on to the next being “
“If that were
the case, everyone would share consciousness.”
“They do.”
“Then we would
all know each others thoughts and make each other decisions.”
“No.”
“Why not, I
decide something, and when I am done, the soul jumps into another body and then
that person decides something.”
“When the soul
jumps into another body, as you put it, how does it make a decision?”
“Well, I guess
it uses the persons sensory input, and the persons experiences and then it
makes a decision. Maybe a pretty bad one depending on how warped the mind.”
“Yes. It would
use their input and their memory.”
“So?”
“The soul would
not longer have access to your memory.”
“O.K…”
“And then when
it jumped back into your body, it would have access to your sensory input and
your memory.”
“Yes…”
“So the soul is
shared, the consciousness is shared, but the experience is not; the effect is
such that you feel like you are the only one who is conscious”
“The paradox.”
“Yes, the
paradox.”
“This sounds like
nothing. What is the point to this?”
“This is
everything. There are the most dire consequences to this.”
“So what
happens to the soul when my body dies? I suppose it just keeps buzzing around
from person to person.”
“Being to
being.”
“I don’t
follow.”
“You die all
the time.”
“… And then I’m
reincarnated just like you said.”
“No, you die
every moment and are reborn.”
“No, I’m not. I
may be dying now.”
“Your body may
be, but it is not. You will wake up.”
“Then what do
you mean that I die every moment?”
“The soul is
the point in the Universe where the decision is made.”
“You’ve said
that.”
“The point. The
consciousness is one point.”
“When your soul
as you say buzzes around from being to being…”
“Yes I talked
about that … the buzzing around.”
“…With everyone
of these bounces, you die and are reborn.”
“But that’s
different than my body dying.”
“Not to the
soul; not to consciousness.”
“But I live
more than a moment. I’ve lived for decades.”
“Are you living
decades right now?”
“What do you
mean? Yes. I’ve led a full life. I have a lifetime of experiences to share with
you, some good and some bad. Heaven and Hell and mostly in between.”
“So those
experiences are you.”
“Yes, that is
my life.”
“And you
experience this life all at once?”
“Yes, this is
my life.”
“That is you
perception.”
“What do you
mean?”
“You feel like
you are living a whole life, but your consciousness is in the moment. You feel
as though you are more than a point, but all you are in any moment is the
decision that you are making and the memories it accesses to make the decision.
These moments scan like a film. Your life seems like a movie, but you are
living only one frame at a time.”
“No, I’m living
a whole life.”
“Here is something
that you may understand, an analogy. Your vision, what you see. You imagine
that you are viewing a whole image at once. A large panoramic screen.”
“Yes … that is
what I see.”
“No, if you
observe carefully, you see only a small area in any detail, what surrounds is
indistinct and fuzzy. Your eyes scan around and collect lots of these little
details to make the big picture. If the surroundings weren’t already familiar,
you wouldn’t be able to make any sense of what you were seeing at all. You would
have to scan every detail of what you were looking at. Your mind fills in all
the details that your eyes collect as fuzziness outside of your central point
of concentration. This gives you an instantaneous perception that you are
seeing a large panoramic picture, yet you are not.”
“What do you
mean if the surroundings weren’t familiar?”
“There is
little opportunity to see something that you have genuinely never seen before
in any form, except as a baby. An optical illusion is an example. It confuses
your visual cortex, your usual view of your surroundings.”
“So you are
saying that I think I’m seeing a billboard when all I am seeing is a postage
stamp, and one with little detail.”
“Yes.”
“And you are
saying that I view my life the same way?”
“Yes, you live
in the moment, nothing more, nothing less. The moment disappears, you die and
are reborn.”
“O.K., but when
my body dies, my memories and my senses die as well. How is that the same as
dieing in the moment?”
“The soul still
bounces, it doesn’t require your body.”
“So I cease to
exist; I am at an end.”
“Yes and no.”
“Another
paradox?”
“The same one,
the soul does not occur in time.”
“What do you
mean?”
“Time doesn’t
affect consciousness, it can be everywhere at once.”
“But if my body
is ashes, my memories and my senses gone …”
“That occurs in
time, but the consciousness, the soul, doesn’t. It experiences all moments at
once. Not just the ones in the present, but all moments.”
“This is very
interesting, but from my point a view, nothing is any different than it ever
was. This consciousness may bounce all over the Universe if it wants to, but I
am a stream of memories and when I die, there is blackness. Not a Heaven or a
Hell.
“No.”
“If my stream
of consciousness ends, I end.”
“No, that is
not the effect. When your body dies, you live all lives just as you did when
your body was living.”
“But I don’t
see it, if my same consciousness is bouncing all over the place with my body
alive and I can’t detect it, what is the difference with my body dead?”
“Think of it
this way, it is not exactly how it works, but it may be what you can
understand. The effect is that when your body dies, you go on to lead another
life, and when the body of that life dies you go on to live another, and so on
until you live them all.”
“Reincarnation.”
“No, you go on
to live all other lives; it is endless.”
“You mean life
goes on forever? There is no end to the Universe?”
“You are
thinking in terms of time; the soul is not bound by time. You live all other
lives.”
“So when I die,
I might come back as my great grandchild.”
“You will come
back as you great grandchild, and as your great grandfather.”
“But that is
not possible, he’s already lived and died.”
“The soul does
not recognize time.”
“I had a waking
nightmare once when a submarine sank and there were people trapped inside,
without hope of rescue. I was suddenly one of them and that person became me.
We switched consciousness, and I was trapped, in a panic, waiting to die.”
“You did switch
consciousness. You became him, and your new body, his old one, died.”
“No, I’m here
now.”
“It seems that
way because in your present moment you have access to the sensory input and
memories of your body. From that point of view you never become someone else
and find yourself in a place and a body that is not yours. That is the stuff of
science fiction, but an interesting way to look at it and useful for
understanding Heaven and Hell.”
“You said that
I passed that test, that I understand Heaven and Hell.”
“Well then lets
see if you can take what you now know and understand Eternal Justice.”
“You mean the
kind of Eternal Justice where I go to Hell even though I’ve lead a good life.”
“And Heaven.
Yes.”
“What kind of
Justice is that?”
“I am the Lord
of Justice.”
“You’re the
Lord of Justice, but I don’t understand your Justice. How is it fair after I’ve
led a good life that I go on to lead one that is cruel or violent?”
“We’ll try an
example of Justice; you know the story of Spartacus?”
“Yes, I saw the
movie just last week.”
“I know, and
the story will do for illustration. Then you know what horrible treachery
Crassus committed?”
“Yes, he was an
animal.”
“Yes, and of
course you know about the thousands of captured slaves that were crucified
along the Appian Way.”
“Did this
really happen?”
“Not like the movie,
but it is true enough for our purposes.”
“So where is
Eternal Justice for the slaves?”
“After Crassus’
died, he went on to lead all other lives; he lived the life of every slave that
he had crucified.”
“How is that
possible? They died before he did!”
“The soul does
not answer to time.”
“Are you saying
that we die and become are own victims?”
“Yes. I am
saying that you go on to live all other lives.”
“So after we
die we live our every other life that has ever been lived?”
“Yes. You will live
the life of Crassus and the slaves and all other lives.”
“But that is
impossible. There are billions of people on the planet now, how can I live all
other lives? That would take hundreds of billions of years to live them one at
a time, more time than the age of the Universe!”
“I told you
that you can think about it as leading them one after the other, but the effect
is that you live all other lives. The soul does not answer to time.”
“That is mind
boggling.”
“That is the
paradox.”
“So the Justice
is, when we do something horrible to someone else, we are really doing it to
ourselves.”
“Yes.”
“I don’t
believe it!”
“I am the God
of Truth.”
“And Justice…”
“And Justice.”
“But I can’t
accept it; it just doesn’t make sense to my mind.”
“You are no
stranger to paradoxes”
“What do you
mean?”
“You are not an
openly religious man; you keep your candle hidden.”
“I am a
scientist. I could never reconcile what my mind says with what my heart feels.”
“So you live a
paradox. Also you’ve taken physics courses; you’ve studied paradoxes.”
“I am not a
physicist, but yes I did back in University; there was the twin paradox.”
“You accepted
it; it boggled your mind, but you accepted it.”
“I barely
remember it.”
“Two identical
twins, one stays on earth, one travels on a spaceship to a star a long way away
and back at close to the speed of light. The twin on Earth will have aged
decades, but returning twin is close to the age he was when he left.”
“Is that true?
Is that really true?”
“You’ve never
doubted it before; you seemed to accept it quite well.”
“I accepted it
because the mathematics made sense, and because smarter people than me accepted
it.”