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"If I Never Knew You"
Written by Angela Kuo (angela_h_kuo@yahoo.com)
To the tune of "If I Never Knew You" from _Pocahontas_.
  Lyrics by Stephen Schwartz, music by Alan Menken.
Copyright: 1995,1996. Originally posted 9/8/95.

Author's note: This was based on a number of rumors and opinions about
the song that was cut from _Pocahontas_.
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"If I Never Knew You"

ALAN MENKEN
"If I Never Knew You,"
That's the title of this song,
It's a hit that can't go wrong--
That's what I thought before.

But "If I Never Knew You"
Bored the kiddies all to tears,
So it came to our worst fears:
It's missing from the score!

"Beauty and the Beast" was grand,
"Whole New World" was fine,
Love that "hot crustac'an band,"
They're all mine--
Six Oscars mine.

So "Poca" got a love theme
And pop versions one and two:
Vanessa's "Colors" and
"If I Never Knew You."

STEPHEN SCHWARTZ
"If I Never Knew You,"
Lyrics safe but half as great,
Boring, bland, and second-rate,
There's nothing really new.

If it weren't a pop song,
Its Oscar chances would be few--
Lost forever,
"If I Never Knew You."

MENKEN
I thought this song would be so beautiful--

SCHWARTZ
But they wanted changes left and right.

BOTH
Look what they did to "Savages"--an awesome song!
Now its PC lyrics make it lose its might.
But Oscar nominations are in sight...

MEL GIBSON [in counterpoint with KUHN]
"If I Never Knew You"
Was in trouble from the start.
I'm the hero of "Braveheart"
But singing's new to me!

JUDY KUHN [in counterpoint with GIBSON]
Disney Records will regret
That they've snubbed Broadway's Cosette.
I'm not well known like the rest
But I'm the best!

[JON SECADA and SHANICE hit the high notes; everyone winces]

SECADA & SHANICE
I thought this song would be so beautiful, (So beautiful)
We'd have the biggest hit today.
I thought this song would be so beautiful,
But all the lyrics are cliche.
Well, no one understands us anyway.

KUHN
What'd they say?

ALL
Yes, "If I Never Knew You"
("If I Never Knew You")
Though the music's strong and true--

SECADA & SHANICE
The lyrics are so weak...

KUHN & GIBSON
And all they do is shriek...

ALL
Is it lost forever,
"If I Never Knew You"?