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Advice to Esmeralda ("You Gotta Be a Mimic")
Written by Angela Kuo (angela_h_kuo@yahoo.com)
To the tune of "You Gotta Have a Gimmick" from _Gypsy_. Lyrics
  by Stephen Sondheim, music by Jule Styne.
Copyright: 1996. Originally posted 6/13/96. 

Author's note: This was based on the trailer, a few comments I read 
on the rec.arts.disney.* newsgroups, and some guessing on my part. 
This was posted just before "The Hunchback of Notre Dame" came out.
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Advice to Esmeralda ("You Gotta Be a Mimic")

[Scene: ESMERALDA is in a tent, gazing into a crystal ball. Her pet goat
DJALI is with her.]

ESMERALDA [To the ball]: Give me words of wisdom from those who have gone
  before me! What do I need to do to make "The Hunchback of Notre Dame" a
  really big hit this summer? I ask for help from the women of the 1990s!
  [The images of BELLE, JASMINE, and POCAHONTAS appear before her] The leads
  from "Beauty and the Beast," "Aladdin," and "Pocahontas"! I am so honored
  by your presence! But where is Nala from "The Lion King"?
BELLE: We would have brought her, but we were afraid she'd make Djali nervous.
ESMERALDA: What about Miss Bianca from "The Rescuers Down Under"?
JASMINE: We were afraid she might get trampled by Djali.
POCAHONTAS: Or eaten. Goats are like raccoons, they want to try to eat
  everything.
ESMERALDA: I see. Will you give me advice about my film?
BELLE: Sure.
JASMINE: Gosh, have we heard some rumors about you.
POCAHONTAS: I know the feeling; I went through it last year.
ESMERALDA: Then you'll help me!
BELLE: Yes. And the first rule is: you can't stray too far from the previous
  Disney films.
JASMINE: People want more of the same stuff!
POCAHONTAS: They're afraid of change!
ESMERALDA: So what should I do?

[Music starts]

BELLE
You can wink both your eyes out
So you knock the guys out
Haunt with your flaunt and your flirt.
But you gotta be a mimic
If you wanna hit pay dirt!

You can be a little braver
And act as a life saver,
Dress for success that they'll see.
Kid, you gotta be a mimic
If you wanna rate a G!

You can dance, you can dance, you can dance, dance, dance
Until the music's ceased.
Well, I dance, and I dance, and I dance, dance, dance
But I do it with a Beast!

[Interlude: excerpt from the ballroom scene from "Beauty and the Beast"]

Get an ugly co-star,
Now I bet you'll go far
With a revolution in France.
You gotta be a mimic
If you wanna have a chance!

JASMINE
You can fight, you can fight, you can fight, fight, fight,
You sure can use a sword!
I can fight, I can fight, I can fight, fight, fight
But there's more to my reward!

[ALADDIN appears, surrounded by mountains of gold (profits) and the GENIE in
a few of his 10,000 forms]

Genie made my film tick,
So add a comic sidekick,
Put in a funny gargoyle or three--
'Cause if you are a mimic,
Gypsy girl, a hit you'll be!

POCAHONTAS
They say love, they say love, they say love, love, love
For me was just a myth.
Well, I love, and I love, and I love, love, love
A real handsome, good-souled Smith!

[Interlude: romantic clips of POCAHONTAS and JOHN SMITH]

Turn that Phoebus zero
Into a noble hero,
Just change the plot and people around.
You gotta be a mimic
If you play it safe and sound!

ALL THREE [in canon]
It's not a fable:
Be a pretty babe'll
Earn lots in film merchandise!

You gotta be a mimic
And maybe have a gimmick,
Listen close and heed our advice:

JASMINE
Comedy with action--
You'll be the main attraction!

POCAHONTAS
Change a tragic hist'ry
Into romantic myst'ry!

BELLE
For a winning show go
Get a Quasimodo!

ALL THREE
So be another mimic:
What's done once can be done twice!

[They disappear. ESMERALDA turns to DJALI]

ESMERALDA: What do you think, Djali?
DJALI: Baa.

[I'm not sure if Djali is baaing the advice or the parody...:) ]