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Casablanca Lion King
Written by Dave Cleary (dcleary@fas.harvard.edu)
Copyright: 1996. Originally posted 8/1/95 to alt.fan.lion-king.
Author's note: Last week, someone at alt.fan.lion-king asked 
for a picture of a drinking lioness. Drinking what, I wondered? 
Well, with an idle mind readily available, thought I'd try the 
following. Apologies to "The Lion King," "Casablanca," and 
1930's foreign legion movies:
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Place: The Pridelands
Time: the present

[In the Blue Parrot Cafe, on the corner of Sidney and Green Streets. Nala
sits at a table, two bottles and a glass in front her. Next to her at the
piano is Timon, playing "As Time Goes By."]

Timon: Whaddya drinkin' tonight, sister?

Nala: Scotch, neat.

Timon: Ahhh, with a bourbon chaser, I see [continues playing piano].

Nala: [sighs] He's been gone, what, six months now? Disappeared without a
trace. [drinks] Wish I knew what happened to him. Hey, play that song for
me again, will you Timon?

Timon: Aw, c'mon now, you don't wanna hear that tune again, do ya? You
know what that song does to you when you hear it.

Nala: You used to play it for him, now you can play it for me. If he
could listen to it, so can I. [drinks] Play it.

Timon: OK sister, whatever you say [plays "Can You Feel the Love
Tonight"].

Nala: [drinks] Of all the gin joints in all the world, I wish he'd walk
into this one....

[Simba suddenly bursts in and looks around anxiously]

Simba: Nala! Is it really you?

Nala: [surprised] I don't believe it! You've come back. What happened to
you? Where have you been all this time? [pauses] I've really missed you,
you know....

Simba: It was the strangest thing. I got caught by circus hunters and
somehow got sold to the commander of a Foreign Legion post. I tried to
escape, but got caught. As punishment, they stuck me in laundry detail
with two bozos named....Laurel and....what was that fat guy's name?
Harding? Harvey? A couple of real bohunks, anyway. But then I fell in with
a couple of swell guys in the squadron, some American named Rick and this
Frenchman, Louie--well, that was the beginning of a beautiful friendship,
let me tell you. The French guy was gonna help me escape, but Rick said,
"Not so fast, Louie. I know somebody with connections." They introduced
me to this guy, Private Geste; he snuck me out of camp and got me onto a
freight car running back to the edge of the Pridelands.

Nala: [apprehensive] What if them come back for you?

Simba: I don't think they will. I really gave 'em the slip. And if the
worst happens and they drag me back there, we'll always have The
Serengeti....

Nala: I knew you wouldn't just leave me [tears trickle down her cheeks].
I knew you'd be back....somehow....

Simba: Hey, no tears now. Here's looking at you, kid.

Nala: [sniffs back the tears] Let's go. We've got a lot of catching up to
do.

[Simba and Nala dash breathlessly from the bar]

Timon: [annoyed] Him. Her. Alone....And they took off without leaving me a
tip in my cash jar, too. Carnivores, oy!