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"Crap, Crap, Crap"
Written by Ryan McGinnis (mcginnr@iastate.edu)
To the tune of "Mine, Mine, Mine" from _Pocahontas. Lyrics
  by Stephen Schwartz, music by Alan Menken.
Copyright: 1995.
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"Crap, Crap, Crap"

EISNER
Your kid's favorite toys
Your credit card sarrows
Will seem like mere trinkets
By this time tomorrow
The crap we sell here
Will dwarf them by far
While kids shout and holler
We'll suck every dollar...

Crap, boys, crap by the mountainful,
Buy, dad, buy till you're broke.
Get a loan, dad,
Quick, dad,
Rush to the store
Hope there's still more
While your kid cries in your lap,
Go ahead, buy some crap, crap, crap!

SALESMEN
Sell and sell and sell and sellity
Sell and sell and sell and sellity

STOCKHOLDERS
Hey money money
Ho money money

EISNER  Oh, how I love it!


STOCKHOLDERS
Hey money money
Ho money money

EISNER  Riches for me!

STOCKHOLDERS
Hey money money
Ho money money

ALL  They'll be heaps of it!

EISNER
And I'll be on top of the heap!
It costs two cents to make
And four cents to market
It retails for twenty
At Kmart and Target
Your kids know you
And nag to no end
Your kids will stay whiny
Till you buy Poca Barbie...

It's crap, crap, crap
For the selling,
It's crap, kids,
Crap not yet bought
With your credit in the red, it's
Money you'll gimme
Your kid is a ninny
Unless his good ol' pap
Breaks down, and buys all our crap!

SALESMEN
Sell and sell and sell and sellity
Sell and sell and sell and sellity-sell!

KID
All of my life I have searched for a toy
Like this one!
A larger more breakable thing
That weighs half a ton.
Hundreds of dollars, I know,
But why don't you love me?
It's a toy I can take,
A toy I can break!
As a daddy who cared would see...

EISNER				SALESMEN
Keep on buying, dad		Crap
Your kid's crying, dad		Buy that ugly thing
Crap, dad, crap,		It's in aisle fifteen
Buy them some crap		Sell and sell and sell and sellity
Beautiful crap			Sell!  Sell all that crap!

ALL
Use your credit
Buy it!

EISNER
Everyone has one
Your kid will have no fun
Without our useless crap!

KID  This toy that I see!

EISNER  Your wallet's the key!

KID  Please buy it for me!

EISNER  It sure isn't free!

EISNER				SALESMEN
Just go buy			So go buy the crap
Our...				Your kid will love you
Crap!				Your other kid too!
Crap!				Go this minute
Crap!				You're no dad till you buy our
Crap!				Crap!

SALESMEN
Sell and sell and sellity-sell!
Hey money money, it's crap!