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"Herc's Going the Distance"
Written by Matt Plotecher (MattBat@ix.netcom.com)
To the tune of "The Distance" by Cake.
Copyright: 1997 by Matt Plotecher. Originally posted
  7/20/97.
Author's Note: I have to give credit where credit is due (or
blame where blame is due, if you don't like this;) ),
to Angela K. I had read "Grecian Nights" a week ago or so,
so it was in my head as I was driving home from work
later, listening to "The Distance" by Cake on the radio.
And I thought it was interesting that here was a song
in a style very different from Disney, yet the title was
so close to the main track from them, "Go the Distance".
Hence, I couldn't sleep that night until I wrote this.
Thanks Angela. :)
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Herc's Going the Distance

Mount Olympus was Hercules birthplace
He had the grin, Zeus' chin--cute face
But the three fates say, he'll stop Hades
Dreaming, and scheming, he heeds the ladies
He plots out a course, sends Panic and Pain
They kidnap Herc, but still they're inane
Herc's made mortal, save for one small drop
He bats them off and found by Mom and Pop.
He goes through adolescence, wrecking bazaars
The clay pots break, and the injured see stars
The populace fears him, and he feels so bad
So he sings, and that brings, confessions from Dad:
"My son you aren't ours. We just found you loose.
But this pendant will take you to the temple of Zeus.
The way's long, but a song, will get you there fast.
And move the plot to where you kick Grecian...'vase'."

Herc's going the distance
Pegasus? His steed.
Meg? Later on! (Later on!)
Later on in her time of need.
Because he's Grecian, and seekin', trainer Phil of course
He's riding, and gliding, upon his winged horse
Herc's going the distance

Now Jason, Achilles, Perseus, they tripped
But Herc has knocked Nessus right out of the script
Megara's sultry smile, it catches his eye
But Phil drags him off and to Thebes they fly
In his mind, he's a hero, as he saves the tots
Meg's hoping that the hydra's had all of its shots
'Cause Herc's ducking, and sucking, at achieving his goal
It's fighting, and biting, and swallows him whole
He cuts himself free, but it's a long bout
'Cause for each head removed, three more pop out
But then Herc grins, and Herc wins, by a landslide
Even though from its claw he must be pried

Because Herc's going the distance
Hades is rather peeved
Meg's used again! (Used again?!)
And now Herc is deceived
And now Herc's wheeling, and dealing, forfeiting powers
Losing might--that's not right!--for 24 hours
While titans, are fightin', the whole pantheon
Herc's staying, and praying, that with his powers gone...
He'll go the distance
You'll have to go see
Him go the distance


(c) New lyrics Matt Plotecher
Distribute freely, but do not modify. 

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