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Split Personalities

Scar/Jeremy Irons post
written by Meaghan Edwards (ak092@freenet.hamilton.on.ca)
Copyright: 1997. Originally posted 1/15/97.

Frollo/Tony Jay response 
written by Karen Lewis (opera@ferret.lmh.ox.ac.uk)
Copyright: 1997. Originally posted 1/16/97.
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>       {SCAR trips JEREMY IRONS and grabs him by his legs. Scar
> is ready to drop him.}
>
> JEREMY IRONS: What are you doin?
> SCAR: I'm sending you back to HELL were you belong!
> JEREMY IRONS: Hey, stupid. If I was brutally killed, you won't have a
> voice.
> SCAR: Oh.
>
> {SCAR heaves him up. JEREMY IRONS snarls, and the two begin to fight
> viciously. Seeing a lone wilebeest, SCAR gets distracted. JEREMY IRONS
> spots a movie set and also gets distracted. While the two have been
> seperated, SCAR is riding on the Wildebeest's back and JEREMY IRONS is
> killing some actors.}

{Enter JUDGE CLAUDE FROLLO and the actor TONY JAY, walking arm in arm.
They survey the carnage impassively.}

FROLLO: My, my, what a grisly scene. Such a shame those two can't get on
as well as we do, loyal provider of my dark-hued tones...
TONY JAY: I quite agree, Your Grace...
FROLLO: And Scar even had to... ahem, "borrow" one of my lines! Such a
pity he's not inventive enough to create his own...
TONY JAY: Oh, I don't know... One could even say the same thing about
yourself, Your Grace...
FROLLO: What do you mean?
TONY JAY: Two of your lines - "But HOW????"- and "Leaving so soon?" - were
taken from the very first episode of "Reboot". From Megabyte, to be
precise, the very character for whom I provide the voice.
FROLLO: No! what are you saying?
TONY JAY: Just that you're not very original...
FROLLO: You're lying!
TONY JAY: You'll have to face facts, Your Grace, but your script is
a morass of heavily overused movie cliches. {Imitates FROLLO}
Remember "Mark my words, gypsy, you will pay for this!" Or maybe
"I'm going to do what I should have done twenty years ago!" You are a Camp
Villain. Period.
FROLLO: No I'm not! People take me seriously!
TONY JAY: You wish. You even _look_ like Maleficent!
FROLLO: Shut up! You wouldn't have got all those ad contracts without me!
TONY JAY: Your Grace, I played in the Royal Shakespeare Company under
Peter Hall before I provided your voice! You, on the other hand, could not
manage without ME.
FROLLO: Oh yes?? Take that back, mortal, or I'll...
TONY JAY: You'll...?

{FROLLO breaks away and starts metamorphosizing in a blaze of smoke and
light, and TONY JAY can only watch in horror as SYLVESTER STALLONE emerges
from the clouds wearing FROLLO's robes and carrying a Kalashnikov}

FROLLO-DREDD: AY UM DUH LO!!!!!

{TONY JAY runs like he's never run before}


Hee hee!

Frolloholic.
1