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"Here Two Times at Least"
Written by Drew Hamilton (awhamilt@calum.csclub.uwaterloo.ca)
To the tune of "Beauty and the Beast" from _Beauty and the Beast_.
  Lyrics by Stephen Schwartz, music by Alan Menken.
Copyright: 1996. Originally posted 1/15/96.

Author's note:

I was looking for some more things to add to my Belle Fan Page, and
I remembered two of the best song parodies I had ever read, Amberle
Ferrian's "Hell" and "Hell (Reprise)".

In those parodies, Belle is featured as a college student who is just
barely making it through her class.  That inspired me to write the
following parody, "Here Two Times at Least - A Tribute to MATH 138".

For some background information, MATH 138 is our Calculus II course
here at the University of Waterloo, in Ontario, Canada.  And, as
the name suggests, I'm taking the course for the second time.

I've written this for inclusion in mathNEWS, the University's Math
Faculty student newspaper.
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"Here Two Times at Least - A Tribute to MATH 138"

Who can pass this course?
Neither you nor me.
I'm here a second time --
Is that really a crime?
I'm striving for a "D".

Isn't it so strange?
My marks have decreased.
I failed the exam,
Sad to say I am
Here two times at least.

This all looks the same.
Not a big surprise.
I've seen this before
I'm just not so sure
That my grades will rise

What a waste of time
Sitting in this class
Four lectures a week
So bored I can't speak
And I won't even pass.

Re-taking this course,
Boredom has increased
I failed the exam,
Sad to say I am
Here two times at least.

I failed the exam
Sad to say I am
Here two times at least...

  - Drew "This isn't anything personal against Dr. Collins" Hamilton