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"It's High-Tech"
Written by Angela Kuo (axk23@psu.edu)
To the tune of "Be Our Guest" from _Beauty and the Beast_.
Music by Alan Menken, lyrics by Howard Ashman.
(c) 1997. This parody may be freely distributed for
nonprofit purposes as long as it is properly credited and
retains its original content.
Author's note: "The Secret of Blue Water" set to Disney
 music...
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"It's High-Tech"

[Scene: JEAN and NADIA are taken aboard the Nautilus.]

JEAN
It's high-tech! It's high-tech!
I'm so glad to be on deck.
Captain Nemo, I'd be glad to go
Wherever you may trek.
This machine,
Submarine,
Is the best that I have seen,
Engineers who like submersions
Keep on coming with new versions.
They improve! They advance!
Wish I had this back in France,
I would pay at least a bushel and a peck--
Your sub would soon be sold
If only I had gold,
It's high-tech! It's high-tech!
It's high-tech!

Back at home
Sun or rain,
I would test the shear and strain
For each flight with my insight
I would rewrite plans for my plane.
Studied drag, studied lift,
Looked at currents and at drift,
I'd use pliers on some wires
So I could rotate the tires.
'Twas my soul, 'twas my heart,
Even when it fell apart
But compared to this my plane is just a speck!
I'll follow your command--
Don't put me back on land!
Your sub's high-tech!
At your beck,
I'll be here as sure as heck,
It's high-tech! It's high-tech! It's high-tech!

Life would be depressing if we were not progressing
We'd be stuck back in the muck of yesteryear.
Ah, those poor old days when we were cavemen
Shivering from hunger, cold, and fear.

Yet here there's no rusting
And no barnacles encrusting,
It's so comfortable away from nature's wear.
What we want is easily provided:
Shelter, food, and clothing--

NADIA
So I'm fearing and I'm loathing...

[Scene: JEAN is at work designing yet another flying machine while he is on board the Nautilus]

JEAN
It's high-tech! It's high-tech!

NADIA
It's not working!

JEAN
Just a sec!
Don't despair, I shall repair
And I'll do a double-check.
Check the stress, check the torque,
Please hand me a tuning fork,
I will see if sound vibrations
Will affect its navigations.
Copper wires, nickel plate,
And to add a bit of weight
Put some gold on it--apply it fleck by fleck.
I always will persist
'Cause I'm a physicist
And it's high-tech!

NADIA
It's high-tech?

JEAN
It's high-tech!

NADIA
It's high-tech!

JEAN
It's high-tech! It's high-tech!

NADIA
Jean, watch out! You'll break your neck!

JEAN
What's the news?

NADIA
You'll blow a fuse!

JEAN
No, I won't--Hey, what the heck?
It won't start, 'cause this part...
Silly me, that wasn't smart!
For I must consider friction
Since this isn't science fiction...

Force by force, mass by mass,
My invention is first-class!

NADIA
Ten to one that his machine will be a wreck.

JEAN
My work has its reward!

NADIA
Back to the drawing board...

BOTH
It's high-tech!
It's high-tech!
It's high-tech!
Yes, it's high-tech!

[He sets off his machine. For an instant it appears to work, 
and then there is a series of explosions (all coordinated 
to music, of course) and what's left of the thing comes 
crashing back down.]