==============================================================
"What Is on the Internet?"
Written by Kevin C. Bissessar (94bisses@wave.scar.utoronto.ca)
To the tune of "Just Around the Riverbend" from _Pocahontas_.
  Lyrics by Stephen Schwartz, music by Alan Menken.
Copyright 1995 by Kevin C. Bissessar. Originally posted on 8/27/95.

Author's note:
Hello everyone! This is my first attempt at writing a song
parody. I attend the Scarborough campus of the University of
Toronto (one of the three campuses which makes up the University).
The Scarborough College provides _lousy_ Internet access for 
its students. We have no IRC capabilities, no "talk" functions,
a 1-hr-pre-day modem connection time, a 1 meg account limit, no 
24-hrs access to the computer labs, a Net server that does not
allow simple programs to work (like Tiny Fugue, a telnet client),
system administrators that take forever to set up your home page
(it's been 2 weeks, and I'm still waiting), and six modem lines
for the 1000+ students who have Internet access.

As you can see, the Scarborough College provides _lousy_
Internet access. And this song parody helps to exemplify that. :)

I'm proud to present to you, "What Is on the Internet?" Comments
are appreciated, but please, no flames. This parody is copyrighted
by me and could only be electronically distributed as long as
this message remains intact.
--------------------------------------------------------------
"What Is on the Internet?"

What I hate most about Scarborough is:
You can't have real Internet access.
The system is always crashing, always breaking.
But students, I guess, can't Net like that
We all must pay a price.
To surf the Net, we lose our financial savings.
What is on the Internet?
Seeing what is on the Internet?

I think once more,
"What is on the Internet?"
Beyond the screen,
Where others surf free.
Don't know what for
What I dream for real access,
What is on the Internet?
For me?
Waiting for me?

I heard of things like IRC,
And even something graphical.
Can I ignore that call for finer access?
For a crummy Scarborough College
Who gives crummy Net accounts.
And never think that something might be better?
What is on the Internet?
What is on the Internet?

I think once more,
"What is on the Internet?"
Beyond the screen,
Somewhere past the fees.
Don't know what for...
Why does my Net access suck?
What is on the Internet?
What is on the Internet?

Should I buy a new account
Purchased from a business source?
Should I look at AOL?
Are all my options at an end?
Or do you still wait for me, Net bringer?
What is on the Internet?