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"Phoebus vs. John Smith"
Written by: Angela Kuo (axk23@psu.edu)
Copyright: 1996 by Angela Kuo. Originally posted 7/3/96.
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Phoebus vs. John Smith

Phoebus reminded me a lot of John Smith--handsome, blonde, brave
captains with a lot of charisma and charm--but I've come up with some
key differences to tell these two apart.

TEN REASONS WHY JOHN SMITH IS BETTER THAN PHOEBUS

10. "He has a good soul, and he's handsome too."
9. That Mel Gibson voice and sense of humor.
8. He actually gets to sing in a Disney musical.
7. Willing to risk life to save potential future father-in-law.
6. Can save people without knocking anyone out.
5. Ability to swim while wearing armor.
4. Can find his way around without a map.
3. Has a good friend Thomas available for double dates.
2. Can easily make friends with heroine's furry sidekick.
1. Doesn't get the girl, so he's still available at the end of the
   film.

TEN REASONS WHY PHOEBUS IS BETTER THAN JOHN SMITH
10. "Either the bravest soldier I've ever met, or the craziest."
9. That Kevin Kline voice and sense of humor.
8. Can accurately identify a wine being poured on his wounds.
7. Has a super-obedient horse, Achilles.
6. Admires talent and isn't afraid to admit it. ("What a woman!")
5. Not afraid to openly defy his boss--no sneaking out in the middle
   of the night.
4. Always has a witty line ready--he's a punny guy.
3. Nice beard.
2. Recovers quickly after getting shot.
1. Cool first name.