"No! No! It's not true! That's impossible!"
--Not Mark Hamill.
"What the --?"
--Not Harrison Ford.
"The writing could be greatly improved."
--Not Carrie Fisher.
"Am I getting any royalities?"
--Not Alan Menken.
"Call my lawyer."
--Not George Lucas.
"Mine too."
--Not Michael Eisner.
Yes, it's true. Two of the most creative forces in the galaxy have teamed up to make Star Wars: Musical Edition. Using classic Disney tunes and George Lucas's beloved characters, the Musical Edition shows off state-of-the-art CGI and digital technology. Ever want to see Luke Skywalker, Han Solo, Princess Leia and the rest of the gang sing and dance to showstopping melodies? We didn't think so. But anyway, five musical numbers are presented here for your enjoyment.
[Han's advice to R2-D2 during the hologram chess game in Star Wars.]
HAN SOLO
Chewbacca should win,
Chewbacca should win,
Just take my advice now, you barrel of tin,
To beat him would be such a mortal sin.
Chewbacca, Chewbacca should win.
A roar from his lips,
An unhappy glare,
If you make a good move, you'd better beware.
You'll find his patience starting to wear thin.
Chewbacca, Chewbacca should win.
Of course you know Chewbacca is a Wookiee.
It's never wise to get one so upset.
(Don't worry 'bout the droid, it won't get as annoyed)
Winning now would be a losing bet!
My fine furry friend,
This big hairy beast
Can rip limbs from sockets and that's just the least
Of damage he can do - so save your skin.
Chewbacca, Chewbacca should win.
REBEL CHORUS
It's superblastersbluelightsabersX-wingsbattlecruisers
Overthrow the Empire and then turn them into losers!
Fight the nasty torturers and evil Force abusers!
SuperblastersbluelightsabersX-wingsbattlecruisers
Um-diddle-diddle-um-diddle-ay! Um-diddle-diddle-um-diddle-ay!
Um-diddle-diddle-um-diddle-ay! Um-diddle-diddle-um-diddle-ay!
LUKE
Because my farm was burned to ash when I was just a lad
And troopers killed my aunt and unc' and Vader killed my dad,
I figured I should learn the Force or things could get much worse,
I'll go and fight with all my might and save the universe!
[CHORUS]
HAN
I've traveled through the galaxy but never had a ride
Where I felt safe if caught without a blaster at my side.
When I get threats to pay my debts I never feel distress,
I use my special gun and then I leave behind a mess!
[CHORUS]
LEIA
So if Darth Vader gets your ship there's no need for dismay,
(LUKE: Hear, hear!)
Just smuggle out some droids and then you'll somehow save the day.
Now go out there and rescue us from terror, fear and strife--
HAN: Princess Leia?
LEIA: Yes?
HAN: No, thanks. I'd rather get some cash and leave here with my life.
REBEL CHORUS
SuperblastersbluelightsabersX-wingsbattlecruisers
SuperblastersbluelightsabersX-wingsbattlecruisers
SuperblastersbluelightsabersX-wingsbattlecruisers
SuperblastersbluelightsabersX-wingsbattlecruisers
[Luke meets Yoda and begins his Jedi training in The Empire Strikes Back.]
YODA
Hear me Ben Kenobi - I can't teach him how.
This kid has no patience, wants to do things now.
BEN
I was just the same when in my youth,
But face the truth, our hopes are dim
Unless you make a Jedi of him.
YODA [to LUKE]
Weapons you won't need them,
Let me set things straight.
We don't seek adventures,
Wars don't make one great.
Will you finish what you have begun?
'Til you're done, you just won't do.
Somehow I'll make a Jedi of you!
LUKE
I'm never gonna catch my breath,
Say hello to Yoda's training.
Boy, my ship is stuck in muck and lots of slime.
This cave's got me scared to death,
What was that vision explaining?
Now I can't believe my eyes at all this time!
YODA & CHORUS
(Jedi Knight)
You must believe or you'll just know failure
(Jedi Knight)
There is no try when you take this course
(Jedi Knight)
With all your strength you'll control your anger
That's dangerous as the dark side of the Force.
Time is racing toward us, what is it you see?
LUKE
My friends are in trouble - now it's up to me!
YODA
Don't be reckless here! For you, I fear.
Don't pack up! Stay here! Yes, do
Until I make a Jedi of you!
YODA & CHORUS
(Jedi Knight)
You must believe or you'll just know failure
(Jedi Knight)
There is no try when you take this course
(Jedi Knight)
With all your strength you'll control your anger
That's dangerous as the dark side of the Force.
(Jedi Knight)
You must believe or you'll just know failure
(Jedi Knight)
There is no try when you take this course
(Jedi Knight)
With all your strength you'll control your anger
That's dangerous as the dark side of the Force.
[The Dark Lord reviews the situation at Cloud City during The Empire Strikes Back.]
DARTH VADER
I admit that in the past I've been a nasty
They aren't kidding when they call me Lord of Sith.
And you'll find that nowadays I haven't changed my ways
In fact I have more stuff to torture with!
(True? Yes.)
And I fortunately have a little power
It's a talent that I always have possessed.
Han and Leia will get shocked and then they will be locked
In a prison feeling terribly repressed
(Pathetic)
Poor unfortunate souls
In pain, at war,
This one gets a bolt of lightning,
That one gets a torture droid
And do I hurt them? Give 'em more!
These poor unfortunate souls,
So sad, so glum,
They came flying to Cloud City
Crying, "Help, Calrissian, please!"
But I caught them, rebel scum.
Now it happens there's a twist
They're not really on my list
But I'm afraid I had to use 'em for my goals.
Yes, I have to watch and wait
But soon enough he'll take the bait
To these poor unfortunate souls!
Now Solo here is going to go to Jabba
And Boba Fett delivers overnight.
Though his flight is all reserved,
For Jabba we'll have him preserved
And after all, Han,
It's not lethal carbonite!
Come on, he'll be alive while he's in hibernation,
Young Skywalker will be the next in line
And as soon as he's all froze, to the Emperor he goes--
In time that would-be Jedi will be mine!
Come on, you poor unfortunate soul!
Go ahead! Take a stand!
Obi-Wan has trained you nicely, but you aren't up to par
You won't lose much, just your hand.
You poor unfortunate soul
It's sad, but true.
If you want to save your life, young Luke,
Acknowledge your true role.
Did I mention I'm your dad?
You don't believe me? Search your soul!
Ben Kenobi, now I've got the boy,
He's under my control!
This poor unfortunate soul!
[Luke and Leia outside the Ewok hut on Endor.]
LEIA: Luke, you have a power that I don't understand and could never have.
LUKE: No, Leia, you're wrong.
LEIA: What is it?
LUKE [sings]
I'll tell you what's happ'ning.
LEIA: What?
LUKE
Darth Vader's not all bad.
LEIA: Luke?
LUKE
There's good in him and here's the bottom line
I have to save my dad.
LEIA: No!
LUKE
The forests here on Endor
With Ewoks everywhere,
And I have in this sylvan atmosphere
A family tree to share...
Can you feel the Force tonight?
In case I don't survive
You are the one who'll save the galaxy
And keep our hopes alive.
[to himself]
So many things to tell her,
But how'd it end like this?
The only girl around--it's horrible!
She had to be my sis!
LEIA [to herself]
He's holding back, he's hiding,
It's dreadful news I bet.
Why won't he say and tell me what is wrong,
How bad can the news get?
LUKE
Can you feel the Force tonight?
In case I don't survive
You are the one who'll save the galaxy
And keep our hopes alive.
Can you feel the Force tonight?
You needn't look too far
'Cause it's strong within my family--
Yes, that's who you are.
LEIA
And though I feel the Force tonight,
It's no joyful thing.
LUKE
For when we're done with this whole trilogy
BOTH
We'll both need counseling.
[They look at each other and burst into tears]