================================================================ "Clopin in Theme Park Land" Written by Rich Koster (rkoster@shell.portal.com) To the tune of "The Bells of Notre Dame" from _The Hunchback of Notre Dame_. Lyrics by Stephen Schwartz, music by Alan Menken. Copyright: 1996. Originally posted 7/26/96. Maintainer's note: This post also includes some info about EMuck. Contact Rich Koster if you have any questions. ---------------------------------------------------------------- "Clopin in Theme Park Land" Rising majestically along the shore of the Splooshissippi River, the Belltower of Terror is an awesome sight. From the depths of the structure at the Belltower Docks up to the tip of its spires, its height is breathtaking. A tall, thin man dressed in a Harlequin outfit pops out and grins. Clopin sings, "Here it is! The ride that you've been waiting for! Here it is! You might have heard of what's in store! Been in line for hours 'til your feet got sore? Friends of mine, you're at the Belltower!" Clopin exclaims, "The Belltower... of TERROR! Bwhahaha! I will lead you through this attraction step by step. But please, watch your step! Clopin's feet get stepped on enough." Clopin smacks his head and says, "Ah, yes! Allow me to introduce myself. I am Clopin -- master storyteller, convivial host, singer extraordinaire, talented dancer and puppeteer..." Clopin suddenly spins and now appears with a feathered hat on his head and a puppet of himself on one hand. Clopin continues, "...and quick-change artist! Our story begins here, at the docks of Theme Park Land. It is a story of a man... and a youngster!" Clopin begins to sing the story: "Dark was the night when our tale was begun On the docks of Theme Park Land. Just before dawn came two figures up onto The docks of Theme Park Land. They had heard all about Early Entry So they woke up at the crack of dawn. You see one was a mother, Her son was the other who came Who came to Theme Park Land." Choir: "Ear-ly Admission!" Clopin: "There stood Frollo at the gate, and held it with a grin." Choir: "Ear-ly Admission!" Clopin: "And he'd rather keep out Ev'ryone Than let them in." Frollo sneered, "You have only one pass, but I see two people." Clopin: "He pulled her in but left the boy outside the gate. She cried... 'My baby! He's young and should get in free, but I'll give you everything I have -- half the amount of an adult ticket.'" Frollo exclaimed, "Ridiculous! He'll stay out there." Clopin: "The mother cried "Supervisor!" to get Frollo's boss to protect her." The Gate Leader, Frollo's supervisor, came to them and sang, "See there the innocent mom you've distressed At the gates of Theme Park Land. Go ahead, please her and give me some rest At the gates of Theme Park Land. She can pay you in full her admission But her son's fee she won't have on hand So you'll give that there miss one half-price son admission inside, To get inside of Theme Park Land!" Choir: "Ear-ly Admission!" Clopin: "So Frollo did what his boss ordered and let the child in the gate, but he called the boy Quasitotal, a cruel name meaning Half Price." Clopin sings once again: "Now here is a riddle to guess if you can At the gates of Theme Park Land, Who is the youngster and who is the man?" Clopin and Chorus: "At the gates, gates, gates, gates, gates, gates, gates, gates, Gates of Theme Park Land!" - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - . . . Will Quasitotal be reunited with his mother or stay Out There? . . . Will Frollo be reassigned to a Hellfire Fries food cart? . . . Will Clopin sing more fun parodies? For the answers to these questions and for more Hunchback of Notre Dame spoofs, go to the Belltower of Terror attraction at EMuck (EntertainMuck). What is EMuck? What? How do you get there? How? Why would go want to be there? Why? Hush! Awww... I will tell you -- EMuck is a part of the Internet you can Telnet to. There you can explore and be a part of an imaginary world, filled with fun Disney chat and many interesting places. It's a live, interactive chat and exploration area called EntertainMuck -- or EMuck for short. How do you get there? It's easy, via Telnet to log on -- telnet://alia.ce.umn.edu:6903 (134.84.148.81, port 6903) Feel free to explore EMuck as a guest character (type and enter 'connect guest guest'), and to apply for a regular character -- simply e-mail us for more information at emuck@alia.ce.umn.edu, or register online with our easy-to-use registration page on EMuck's homepage at http://alia.ce.umn.edu/emuck.html Once you are online as a guest or regular character, you can run to the Belltower of Terror by typing and entering without quotes: 'run ewc;em;express too;cast;thh;tg;ms;hub;ff;br' and then type and enter 'look docks' followed by 'explore' (both without quotes). Why would you want to be there? It's fun to chat with fellow Disney fans, explore the virtual reality Disney-style theme park of Toon Gardens, spend some time in Spoonerville and meet the stars of "A Goofy Movie" and "Goof Troop", look for Beetlejuice in the "Nether World," stroll along the streets of "Olde London" (where you might find Sherlock Holmes wandering around the best of Merry Olde England in all eras), giggle at the "Mystery Science Theater 3000"-style antics in "Deep Space, Nein?", or simply relax at the peaceful "Swan Lake." Visit EMuck, where *you* are the star!
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