This year Joel and I had the unplanned pleasure of being invited to attend a wedding in Kaanapali, Maui. I was still trying to figure out a big adventure for this year and the funding was looking pretty pitiful, but our asses were saved at the 11^th hour.

I need to make mention again of the hospitality the wedding couple presented to us by not only sponsoring most of our trip, but including us in their own adventures and making sure we were comfortable throughout the trip. I will have to say that drinking Cuervo 1800 before hopping a plane is a bad idea for me, but Cyndy had nothing but the best intentions.

For those of you who have never visited Maui, as Joel and I had not previously done, I highly recommend the trip. You can book packages for a relatively inexpensive rate (although ours sure wasn’t) and I’m sure you can have an equally enjoyable time. You might just not be able to grab a beer out of your full size fridge while the Ducane is grilling up your steak and lay back on the lounge chair on the patio to watch the rain fall 4" beyond your toes. You might also not have the opportunity to engage in meaningful conversation over the true meaning of "Watch for Flying Balls" stickers on the sliding glass door in your bedroom. The real adventure of Maui is both the beauty of the Island, and the beauty of the Islands. (See the pics, it will make more sense.) Rent a car, it doesn’t really matter what. Our Mini Van with dual sliding doors made a great mobile picture taking platform whenever people weren’t dropping crap out the door when I couldn’t pull over.

To the Islands: grow up. I’m sure glad those 20 points are only given once. There weren’t a whole lot of single tourist babes when we went, so you have the problem of either taking your own P.O.A. and risking getting your ass kicked by her every time something outrageous walks by, or risking having some guy kick your ass for drooling over his lucky catch. Just be good and stay out of the slammers. Judging by the Lahaina Police box, they can’t be very comfortable.

We have several endorsements on that section, but I really recommend partaking of as many as possible. If left to our own cash flow, we would have been eating McDonald’s and grilling stuff from Safeway on the sidewalk, but you might have the same kind of luck we did. Try the "Bucket of Boat Trash" from Gump’s, Anything with Shrimp at Longhi’s (About $50 per person,) breakfast at Castaways is very reasonable if you don’t mind watching people eat coconut syrup on their breakfast, and everything I tried at Momma’s was excellent. I basically went around the table and vacuumed up anything people didn’t properly defend. Good drinks are plentiful. Naturally, I would have to recommend fruitier drinks when you are in the tropics as they are very refreshing, but don’t avoid sampling a beer or two that you’ve never tried. Smokes were hard to come by, though, so bring your own stogies if you are in to them as I am.

Now aside from our adventures of chasing/shooting fast moving Islands, smoking, drinking, carrying on, and all of the stuff you have come to expect from us here at F-YOU.com, we have learned some lessons about travel that I feel it is our duty as publishers to present to you for your own well being. First: Always read your contracts in detail on everything you sign up for. This includes rental cars, hotel rooms, condos, airlines, and everything else. As we keep harping on, one of our crew members got royally screwed by Budget when they signed her up for every type of insurance they had. Now I always recommend getting the full coverage when you are having an adventure because the adventure business is inherently dangerous and very rough on cars. However, these contracts can also limit your liability as well as the liability of the person you enter the contract with. Just make sure you know what you are up against. Secondly, I recommend leaving all family members more than 6 years apart in age behind. Parents, leave your kids at home. Kids, ditch the old folks. If you do have to bring them, stay in separate hotel rooms for your own safety. After a week of causing trouble, even Joel and I want to kill each other, so you can imagine how things got with ages 12 to 48 were in our room. I had plenty of family on the trip with me and it went fairly smooth as long as we weren’t exposed to each other for too long.

Maui is a wonderful place for people like Joel as long as you don’t mind missing most of the day. The nights are wonderful and warm if the wind isn’t blowing too hard, and people are accustomed to people showing up late. However, if you want to take a dive, take it in the morning to avoid the wind and see the best sights. Please be sure to send me pictures because I didn’t get to go diving and it was the only thing I really wanted to do.

Anyway, I’ve rambled enough. The bottom line on Maui is: GO!! Have Fun, take pictures, and stay away from the bait.

-Robert