Welcome to yet another document which I had nothing to do with the production of, all credit for this should go to Charles Daniels.
Version 1.0
Space Corps Directive List
Version 1.5
The first Space Corp Directive is mentioned in Polymorph. Now alothough some might say it sounds as if there is only one Directive in existance at the time this is said, I believe for continuity reasons we must take the following quote as Kryten mentioning a specific space corp directive that he thinks everyone will know:
Kryten: What about the Space Corps Directive which states, "It is our primary overriding duty to contact other life forms, exchange information, and, wherever possible, bring them home"?
Space Corp Directive #003
By joining Star Corps. each individual tacitly consents to give up his inalienable rights to life, liberty, and adequate toilet facilities. (yes it says Star Corps.)
Space Corps Directive #147
Crew members are expressly forbidden from leaving their vessel except on production of a permit. Permits can only be issued by the Chief Navigation Officer, who is expressly forbidden from issuing them except on production of a permit. Space Corps directive #169: It's never said what this directive says either but it's probably has something to do with a sacrifice a hologramatic crew member has to take for the benefit of the rest of the crew. Kryten reminds Rimmer of this directive when he's mad about the "time-sharing" idea with Dr. Landstrom.
Space Corps Directive 195 clearly states that in an emergency power situation, a hologrammatic crewmember must lay down his life in order that the living crewmembers might survive.
Space Corps Directive #349
Any officer found to have been slaughtered and replaced by a shape-changing chameleonic life form shall forfeit all pension rights. Space Corps Directive #592
In an emergency situation involving two or more officers of equal rank, seniority will be granted to whichver officer can program a vcr.
Space Corps directive 595
Allows you to keep people in Quarantine for a period of 3 months, however if the people can use Space Corps Directive 699 to demand a re-screening after five days, if no trace of diease is found they can leave Quarantine.
Space Corps directive 597 clearly states "One berth per registered crew member"
Space Corps Directive #723
Terraformers are expressly forbidden from recreating Swindon.
Space Corps Directive #997
Work done by an officer's doppleganger in a parallel universe cannot be claimed as overtime.
Space Corp Directive #1694
During temporal disturbances, no questions shall be raised about any crewmember whose timesheet shows him or her clocking off 187 years before he clocked on.
Space Corps Directive 1742: 'No member of the Corps should ever report for active duty in a ginger toupee'
Space Corp Directive 1743: 'No registered vessel should attempt to transverse an asteroid belt without deflectors.'
Space Corp Directive 5796: 'No officer above the rank of mess sergeant is permitted to go into combat with pierced nipples'
Space Corps directive 5797: Rimmer tries to use this as a reason not to let Lister in when there is a chance he might be a Psiren. He never says what the directive is but I would assume it is something about the safety of the crew.
Space Corps Directive #7214
To perserve morale during long-haul missions, all male officers above the rank of First Technician must, during panto season, be ready to put on a dress and a pair of false breasts.
Space Corps Directive #7713
The log must be kept up to date at all times with current service records, complete mission data, and a comprehensive and accurate list of all crew birthdays so that senior officers may avoid bitter and embarrassing silences when meeting in the corridor with subordinates who have not received a card.
SPACE CORPS DIRECTIVE 34124:
"No officer with false teeth should attempt oral sex in zero gravity"
Space Corps Directive #43872
Suntans will be worn during off-duty hours only.
Space Corp Directive 68250 is never exactly quoted so I have decided to include the conversation it was mentioned in:
Rimmer: That's it I'm invoking space corp directive 6_8_2_5_0
Kryten: 6_8_2_5_0? But sir, surely thats impossible without at least one live chicken and a raabi.
Rimmer: Forget it. Forget I was ever born.
Kryten: But sir, I'm very happy to perform the ceremony, but I'm bewildered as to how sacrificing poultry will clear up the screen problem.
Space Corp Directive 196156: Any officer caught sniffing the saddle of the excercise bicycle in the women's gym will be discharged without trial.
There is one Space Corp Directive about removing an irrational person from duty, Rimmer tries to invoke it against Lister in Rimmerworld. Rimmer gives the wrong number (196156) however Kryten does not tell him the correct number, but he quotes the directive Rimmer named and for once Rimmer does not give the correct number afterward.
R: The Rimmer Directive which states, "Never tangle with anything that's got more teeth than the entire Osmond family"?
Rimmer Directive 271 states clearly, "No chance you metal bastard."
R: Why does he only ever use them against me? Why never against Lister? Why do we never hear him quoting a Space Corps directive to clearly state "No crewmember should floss his teeth with the E-string of his guitar after spraying the entire contents of his sugar puff sandwich all over his superior's bunk"? We never hear that one, do we?
RIMMER : I've no idea who you are, but boarding this vessel is an act of war, ergo, we surrender. And as prisoners of war I invoke the all nations agreement article number 39436175880932/B.
KRYTEN : 39436175880932/B. All nations attending the conference are only allocated one parking space. Is that entirely relevant sir. I mean here we are, in mortal danger and you're worried about the Chinese delegates bringing two cars.
RIMMER : Can't you let just one go, I was talking about the right of P-O-W's to non-violent constraint.
KRYTEN : But that's 75880932/C, sir.
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