You always wanted to know......
| What girls say | ...what they mean |
|---|---|
| Can't we just be friends? | There is no way in hell I am going to let any part of your body touch any part of mine, again. |
| I just need some space | ...without you in it |
| Can you help me with my homework? | If I keep whining, the fool will do it for me. |
| Do I look fat in this dress? | We haven't had a fight in a while |
| No, pizza's fine | Cheap bastard |
| I just do not want a boyfriend now | I just do not want (you as a) boy-friend now |
| I don't know; what do you want to do? | I can't believe that you have nothing planned |
| Come here | My puppy does this too |
| I like you but... | I don't like you |
| You never listen | You never listen |
| We're moving too quickly | I am not going to sleep with you until I find out if this guy in Bio has a girlfriend |
| I'll be ready in a minute | I AM ready, but I am going to make you wait because I know you will. |
| Oh, no, I will pay for myself | I am just being nice; there is no way I am going dutch |
| Oh Yes! Right there | Well, near there; I just want to get this over with |
| I'm just going out with the girls | We are gonna get sloppy and make fun of you and your friends |
| There's no one else | I am doing your brother |
| Size doesn't count... | unless I want an orgasm |
| What guys say | ...What they mean... |
|---|---|
| It is just orange juice, try it. | 3 more shots, and she'll have her legs around my head. |
| She's kind of cute | I want to bang her till I am blue |
| I don't know if I like her | She won't blow me |
| I need you | My hand is tired |
| I had her | I had (wet dreams about) her all week. |
| I really want to get to know you better | ...so I can tell my friends about it |
| How do I compare with all your other boyfriends? | Is my penis really that small? |
| You're the only girl I've ever cared about | You are the only girl who has not rejected me |
| I want you back | ...for tonight anyway |
| We've been through so much together | If it was not for you, I never would have lost my virginity |
| I miss you so much | I am so horny that my roommate is starting to look good |
| No, I do not want to dance right now | Shoot! She'll know that I have a hard-on |
| The break-up should not start for another 24 hours | I want to have sex a few more times |
| I am different from all the other guys | I am not circumsized |
TOP TEN REASONS WHY THERE WON'T BE A CHINESE AMERICAN PRESIDENT ANY TIME SOON
10. WHITE HOUSE NOT BIG ENOUGH FOR IN-LAWS
AIR FORCE ONE: NO FREQUENT FLIER MILES
9. ENGINEERING, MEDICINE, AND LAW ALWAYS PREFERRED OVER POLITICS
8. OVAL OFFICE HAS BAD FENG SHUI
7. CAN'T FIND DECENT ROAST DUCK INSIDE THE BELTWAY
6. SECRET SERVICE COULD NEVER HANDLE NAGGING FROM MOTHER
5. DIGNITARIES GENERALLY INTIMIDATED BY CHOPSTICKS AT STATE DINNERS
4. NO CHANCE FOR PROMOTION
3. LACTOSE INTOLERANCE NOT CONSIDERED POLITICALLY CORRECT
2. SENIOR AIDES WON'T TAKE OFF SHOES BEFORE COMING IN
1. Wear clothes of two colors: your choice of black or white
2. Own an alphanumeric pager with a built in answering machine
3. Own a cellular phone ....
4. Have only Asian friends
5. Speak only in Asian languages
6. Dress as though you're headed for a party when you're actually going to class
7. If you're a girl, BE SURE TO STUFF YOUR BRA
8. If you're a guy, BE SURE TO SOUP UP YOUR ACURA INTEGRA
9. Smoke even if you don't know how to, especially if you're with friends
10. Travel only in droves of 10 and above to parties
11. Go to all the cool Asian "intercollegiate parties"!
12. Refuse to dance to anything but techno music
13. Whenever in droves of 10 or more Asians, stare menacingly at all other Asians
14. Dance in circles at all parties and clubs
15. If you're a guy, BE SURE TO COP CHEAP FEELS OFF GIRLS YOU LIKE!
16. If you're a girl, BE SURE TO RUN YOUR FINGERS THROUGH YOUR HAIR EACH TIME YOU SEE A HOT GUY!
17. Wear only designer labels
18. Make sure designer labels are extremely visible. Better yet, make sure that the make is emblazoned on the front of the apparel
19. Own a pair of Doc Martens
20. Be very good at pool. Own a cue stick if you can, even if you know nothing about them
21. Make sure your parents are doctors, or better yet, grocery store owners
22. BELIEVE IN BARN JACKETS, J. CREW, AND TOMMY HILFIGER
23. Make sure you install every possible option you can in your car
24. Own a sports car
25. Date only someone that a friend of yours has already dated
26. Be an officer in the KSA/CSA of your respective school
27. Be a Christian pretending to actually care about the religion
28. Use church as a social ground to meet potential dates
29. If you're a guy, make sure your hair looks like the head of a circumsized penis
30. If you're a girl, make sure your hair is colored with tinges of brown or red for optimal "coolness"
31. Two words: Manhattan Portage
32. If you're a guy, don't be embarassed that your penis is small.
Instead, simply make sure that its size is inversely related to the loudness of you
car's engine
33. If you're a girl, don't be embarassed about your small chest.
Instead, make sure that its size is inversely related to the amount of make up on your face
34. If you're a girl, weigh no more than 75 lbs.
35. If you're Korean girl, have eye surgery done so you can look like a goldfish
36. Date only the people from your own clique, or even "a cooler one"!
37. If you're in a group of 10 or more friends, stare menacingly at all interracial couples you see.
38. If you're a guy, start having insecurities and complain about the "theft" of your women
39. If you're a girl... well, Asian men never date interracially anyway
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