"The gene pool could use a little chlorine."
"I love cats...they taste just like chicken"
"Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot."
"Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician"
"Your kid may be an honor student but you're still an IDIOT!"
"If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?"
"Forget about World Peace.....Visualize Using Your Turn Signal!"
"He who laughs last thinks slowest"
"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."
"i souport publik edekasion"
"We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated."
"Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?"
"Auntie Em: Hate you, Hate Kansas, Taking the dog. -Dorothy."
"All generalizations are false."
"Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine."
"Time is what keeps everything from happening at once."
"Out of my mind. Back in five minutes."
Seen on an old, beat-up car: "This is not an abandoned vehicle."
"Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death"
"Cover me. I'm changing lanes."
"As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools"
"The more people I meet, the more I like my dog."
"Sometimes I wake up grumpy; Other times I let her sleep"
"Work is for people who don't know how to fish"
"Montana --- At least our cows are sane!"
"I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian."
"Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition."
"It's as BAD as you think, and they ARE out to get you."
"If you don't like the news, go out and make some."
"I Brake For No Apparent Reason."
"Sorry, I don't date outside my species."
"I may be fat, but you're ugly - I can lose weight!"
"Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges."
"I took an IQ test and the results were negative."
"When there's a will, I want to be in it!"
"Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?"
"Few women admit their age, Few men act it!"
"I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it!"
"Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!"
"IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you have got. "
"It's lonely at the top, but you eat better."
"According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist."
"Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have."
"A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory."
"How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?"
"Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear."
"Give me ambiguity or give me something else."
"We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?"
"Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot."
"Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else."
"Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy."
"Consciousness: that annoying time between naps."
"Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home."
"Why is 'abbreviation' such a long word?"
"Diplomacy is the art of saying 'Nice doggie!'... till you can find a
rock."
"I like you, but I wouldn't want to see you working with sub-atomic
particles."
"Lead me not into temptation, I can find it myself."
"I'm out of bed and dressed, What more do you want?"
Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
Support Cannibalism-EAT ME!
I don't have a license to kill. I have a learner's permit.
Keep honking while I reload.
Taxation WITH representation isn't so hot, either!
Who were the beta testers for Preparations A through G?
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
5 days a week my body is a temple. The other two, it's an amusement
park.
EARTH FIRST! We'll stripmine the other planets later.
If you drink, don't park. Accidents cause people.
If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.
Save the whales! Trade them for valuable prizes.
Just say no! to sex with pro-lifers.
Sure you can trust the government! Just ask an Indian!
Alcohol and calculus don't mix. Never drink and derive.
If we are what we eat; I'm cheap, fast, and easy.
Horn broken, watch for finger.
If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.
Help wanted telepath: you know where to apply
Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
Hang up and drive.
Lord save me from your followers.
Guns don't kill people, postal workers do.
I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.
