*I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.
*I will not burn rubber through the open car window and into the fast 
 food restaurant,  no matter how good it smells.
*The computer's mouse is, unlike a real mouse, inedible.
*I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of carpet in the
 house when I am about to throw up.
*I will not throw up in the car.
*I will not scootch my bottom along the carpet to rid myself of hangers-on.
*I will not steal used sanitary napkins from the bathroom garbage.
*I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.
*I will not eat other animals' poop.
*I will not lick my human's face after eating animal poop.
*I will not roll my head around in other animals' poop.
*"Kitty box crunchies" are not food.
*I will not eat any more socks and then re-deposit them in the backyard
 after processing.
*The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
*I will not eat the disposable diapers, especially the dirty ones.
*I will not wake Mommy up by sticking my cold, wet nose up her bottom end.
*I will not chew my human's toothbrush and not tell them.
*I will not chew crayons or pens, 'specially not the red ones, or my people
 will think I am hemorrhaging.
*When in the car, I will not insist on having the window rolled down when
 it's raining outside.
*I will not drop soggy tennis balls in the underwear of someone who is
 sitting on the toilet.
*We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
*I will not steal Mom's underwear and dance all over the back yard with it.
*The sofa is not a face towel. Neither are Mom and Dad's laps.
*My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
*I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in for Mom's driver's
 license and car registration.
*I will not play tug-o'-war with Dad's underwear when he's on the toilet.
*I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying under the
coffee table.
*I will not roll my toys behind the fridge.
*The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.
*I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.