Things We'd Like to See on Company Motivational Posters
1) If you do a good job and work hard, you may get a job with a better
company someday.
2) It's only unethical if you get caught.
3) The light at the end of the tunnel has been turned off due to
budget cuts.
4) Doing a job RIGHT the first time gets the job done. Doing the job
WRONG ten times gives you job security.
5) Sure, you may not like working here, but we pay your rent.
6) If you think we're a bad firm, you should see our rivals!
(We suck less!)
7) Rome did not create a great empire by having meetings, they did it
by killing all those who opposed them.
8) We put the "k" in "kwality"
9) If something doesn't feel right, you're not feeling the right
thing.
10) Artificial Intelligence in no match for Natural Stupidity
11) A person who smiles in the face of adversity... probably has a scapegoat.
12) If you stay calm, while all around you is in chaos...then you probably don't completely understand the situation.
13) ABANDON ALL HOPE, ALL YE WHO ENTER HERE.....
14) We make great money! We have great benefits! We do no work! We are union members!
15) 2 days without a Human Rights Violation!
16) Your job is still better than asking "You want fries with that?"
17) We are Microsoft. Resistance is futile.
18) Plagiarism saves time.
19) If at first you don't succeed - try management.
20) At least you're not being rectally probed by aliens.
21) Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.
22) This can't go on for ever, even the Third Reich only lasted 12 years
23) Never quit until you have another job.
24) TEAMWORK ... means never having to take all the blame yourself.
20. Cleaning up the dining area means getting the fast food bags
out of the back seat of your car.
19. Your reason for not staying in touch with family is that they do not have e-mail addresses.
18. Keeping up with sports entails adding ESPN's homepage to your bookmarks.
17. You have actually faxed Christmas cards.
16. Pick up lines now include a reference to liquid assets and capital gains.
15. You consider 2nd day Air Delivery and Inter-office Mail
painfully slow.
14. You assume any question about whether to valet park or not is rhetorical.
13. You refer to your dining room table as the flat filing cabinet.
12. Your idea of being organized is multiple colored post-it notes.
11. Your grocery list has been on your refrigerator so long some
of the products don't even exist anymore.
10. You lecture the neighborhood kids selling lemonade on ways to
improve their process.
9. You get all excited when it's Saturday so you can wear sweats
to work.
8. You refer to the tomatoes grown in your garden as
"deliverables."
7. You find you really need PowerPoint to explain what you do for
a living.
6. You normally eat out of vending machines and at the most
expensive restaurant in town within the same week.
5. You think that "progressing an action plan" and "calendarizing
a project" are acceptable English phrases.
4. You know the people at the airport hotels better than your next
door neighbors.
3. You ask your friends to "think out of the box" when making
Friday night plans.
2. You think Einstein would have been more effective had he put
his ideas into a matrix.
And, the number one sign you work in the nineties...
1. You think a "half-day" means leaving at 5 o'clock.
