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David Hasselhoff’s spinoff of his most popular show Baywatch, which is originally entitled “Baywatch Nights”, hasn’t had the kind of success the former has had. So they decided to revamp the show to be a cross between it’s predecessor and the X-Files. (no joke.) According to HAMRADIO sources, in the first episode, all the Baywatch beauties’ breasts will be invaded alien visitors. Hasselhoff and the guys must figure out how to save them. A “deep-throat-type” character, played by Linda Lovelace oddly enough, will help the men along by saying “The Implants are out there.”

Question: How long before we see Steven Seagal at Supermarket openings?

Why do aliens like the ones in The Arrival or Independence Day have to look like wired bizzare insectoids from one of Franz Kafka’s nightmares? Remember when George Lucas depicted the villains as British guys in Nazi SS uniforms.

Okay Blockbuster season is almost over. One question: Where the heck is Sylvester Stallone? Oh, yeah I forgot about Judge Dredd

Alright, who here is sick of Oasis? Yeah, Hootie is overplayed, but those guys at least are real and a little bit modest about their success. Hey Oasis, don’t spend all your money just yet!! See Duran Duran-- the missing years, Culture Club, Terence Trent D’Arby, Kajagoogoo, and Ringo Starr’s solo career-- “And Thomas pulled into the station with all the coal for the townspeople.”

Question: Yeah, who DID put the “bop” in the “bob-she-bob”?

Picture it Slow moving shadows crawling across the landscape over heavily-populated areas with some promotional tie-ins. Independence Day trailers? No, the blimps of the Goodyear, Fuji, MetLife, the Budweiser variety.!!

RE: NBA Salaries. Does anybody remember when $3 million-a-year was a lot of money. Now, that can’t even buy a back-up center! Okay $25 million for Michael next year, $95 million over 7 years for Shaq is about right. Maybe Alonzo could command $105 million for 7, but Juwan Howard and his $98 million over seven years or $85 million for Gary Payton during the same time. If only I could go to my left. Consider this, Joe McIlvaine (back-up, yes, back-up center for the Washington Bullets (ahem Ghosts), who averages 14.9 minutes not points per-game, 2.3 points per game, 2.9 rebounds and 2.075 blocks per game, is looking for $21 million over those seven years. I think you could get “Chocolate Thunder” Darryl Dawkins for a million and get better numbers, for crying out loud.

Question: Why is the Psychic Friends Network becoming the Love Boat for the nineties? “And Ted Lange as your Dream Interpreter.”

Anybody see the cover of TIME for the week of August 19? Take a look, and now running for Supreme Emperor of Mars, Bob Dole and Vice-Emperor Jack Kemp. Now the incumbets, current Supreme Emperor Marvin the Martian and his running mate, Uncle Martin, are a little worried. The self-proclaimed King of Mars himself Eric Fred Norris from the Howard Stern show has no comment.

Last question: Anybody remember when Pearl Jam used to rock? I’m not look forward to this Ravi Shankar-Nar-Affazzidcatt or whoever he is-insipired album. PJ fans watch out. I’ve just seen Eddie Vedder walking around Central Park with Yoko Ono... Is Mark David Chapman, still locked up?

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