Play
An exciting new Word Game for Two
based on Real Life Retailing
The rules are simple:
1. The two players write down the names of as many Nineteenth-Century
British Prime Ministers as they can remember.
2. Whoever remembers the least is the Victim, or Customer.
3. The other is the Prankster or Shopkeeper.
4. The Victim next asks the Shopkeeper for a type of cheese.
5. The Shopkeeper, who has no cheese whatsoever in his shop, must then
give an excuse why he does not have that particular variety. If he simply
says that he does not have it he loses the game. He must give an excuse
(see below for a few examples).
6. The Victim then asks for another variety of cheese.
7. The Shopkeeper gives another excuse.
8. This continues until either:
(a) the Customer runs out of new names of varieties of cheeses or repeats
himself, in which case the Shopkeeper wins; or
(h) the Shopkeeper keeps the Customer in his shop for three minutes,
in which case the Shopkeeper wins; or
(c) the Customer attacks the Shopkeeper or has a fit of any kind, in
which case the Shopkeeper wins; or
(d) the Shopkeeper pauses for more than three seconds before giving
an excuse or repeats himself, in which case the Customer wins (this is
not like real life, but then this is a game); or
(e) the Shopkeeper admits he has no cheese at all, in which case the
Customer wins and may punch the Shopkeeper in the teeth.
Special long version of game for real life shopkeepers:
Rules are the same but the Customer must be kept
in the shop for forty minutes.
A few simple excuses for beginners:
1. There's very little call for it around here.
2. The van was supposed to be bringing it in this morning.
3. We never have it on Wednesday.
4. We would stock it but it goes off so quickly.
5. It's very seldom sold these days.
6. It'll be in tomorrow.
7. I wouldn't recommend that one really.
8. We just sold the last piece.
9. I'll have a look. . . . I'm sorry the cat must have had it.
10. May I ask what you're eating it with?
11. Shall I order some for you?
12. We're fresh out of it.
13. It's a bit too runny, I wouldn't want to sell it to you like this.
14. Taylor's down the road might have some.
15. There's been a run on it this week.
16. We haven't got that as such.
For lactophobes the following variations are
recommended:
Fish-shop
Book-shop or Library
Pet-shop
Greengrocer
