I'll
make you a
MASTER of LLAP-Goch. ...
the Secret Welsh ART of SELF DEFENCE that requires NO INTELLIGENCE, STRENGTH
or PHYSICAL courage
The FANTASTIC SECRETS of the SECRET world-famous method of SELF DEFENCE, kept secret for centuries because of their DEADLY POWER to MAIM, KILL, SMASH, BATTER, FRACTURE, CRUSH, DISMEMBER, CRACK, DISEMBOWEL, CRIPPLE, SNAP and HARM are now revealed to YOU in the English Language by a LLAPGOCH master AT HIS OWN RISK, PROVIDED you promise to MAIM, CRUSH, DISEMBOWEL and so on ONLY in SELF DEFENCE.* * This is just
to cover ourselves, as you will understand.
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SECRETS of LLAP-GOCH. He is a fully qualified leek coloured belt first dai master and cares nothing for penal reform. |
BECAUSE if his fellow masters of LLAPGOCH DISCOVER his IDENTITY, they will PUNISH HIM SEVERELY for revealing the DEADLY secrets he had promised to keep SECRET, without giving them a piece of the ACTION, and also BECAUSE of the TERRIBLE risk of PUNISHMENT he runs under the Trades Description Act.
IT is THE most DEADLY form OF SECRET self-DEFENCE that HAS ever been widely advertised and available to EVERYONE.
Because THE most likely kind OF person TO answer THIS sort OF advertisement HAS less trouble under-STANDING words if they ARE written in BIG letters.
No, you mean 'How do You Learn'. I know already.
You receive ABSOLUTELY FREE your own special personal LLAP-GOCH Picture Book with hundreds of PHOTOGRAPHS and just a very few plain, clear and simple, easy to understand words
and you will be ready to HARM people
DEVELOP UP TO 38 BICEPS
GROW UP TO 12" TALLER
LOSE UP TO 40" OF FAT IN YOUR FIRST WORK-OUT!
PROLONG YOUR LIFE BY UP TO 1,000 YEARS
GO TO BED WITH UP TO ANY LUDICROUS NUMBER OF GIRLS YOU CARE TO THINK
OF PROVIDING YOU REALIZE THIS STATEMENT IS QUITE MEANINGLESS AS THE PHRASE
'UP TO' CLEARLY INCLUDES THE NUMBER'NOUGHT'
This, like LLAP-GOCH, is a SECRET but you will find out sooner or later,
don't worry.
O.K.
Honourable Master. I accept your daring, hair-raising, mind-boggling, blood-curdling,
no-risk, half price, free trial offer to reveal the secrets of LLAP.GOCH
in a plain wrapper at once. Yes Master, I never again want to be 'Weak
In The Knees' and 'Chicken Out' and 'Wet My Pants' when insulted and attacked.
I agree never to abuse the principles of LLAP-GOCH or consult a lawyer. I am over 4. I have an extra Y chromosome. Bill me later. I understand that if I am not completely satisfied I have been had. NAME ___________
AGE _____ ADDRESS ________________
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Please enrol me under your special Car Insurance Scheme. I understand that I do not have to sign anything to make this completely legally binding to me. |