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I don't know what got into me. It all happened so quickly. So much rage had been building up inside, and all at one moment, it was released. It just burst out of me like a volcanic eruption. Let me explain: I met Jacob in early spring. I never thought he'd be interested in me, like I wasn't good enough. Surprisingly enough, he called me up one evening and asked me out. So we went out that weekend. He took me out to a nice restaurant, a movie, and then we took a walk on the beach before he took me home. I couldn't believe I was out with him! He poured his heart out to me that night. He said "I love the way the moonlight catches the red in your hair, like a burgundy sunset." Oh, how I fell in love with him at that moment. He took me out every weekend following that for 2 months. One weekend, I went with him to a party my friend was having. There was a little bit of alcohol there, but I didn't drink any. Jacob had a beer or two, but that's all, as far as I know. He started acting really stupid, doing "guy stuff". What could I do but let him do his thing, act like a complete idiot, and then let him feel embarrassed about it the next day and regret it. There was nothing I could do. At the party, I talked to this guy in my physics class for a little while, discussing how weird our teacher is, and all his cheesy jokes. Jacob came up to me and gave me this look of hate and disgust. He just walked away slowly and went to his car. I followed him to see what was wrong. I asked "what was that look for?? What did I do wrong, Jacob?". He looked at me in a domineering way, his blonde hair half-hiding his brown eyes. "How dare you speak to him!" he said. "Who?? What are you talking about?? Oh, you mean... we were just talking about Mr. ..." I responded, but he cut me off in my sentence. "I don't care!! Don't ever let me catch you talking to another guy again!" he said in a way that took me breath away with fear. He went to his car, opened the door, and ordered me to get in. We drove off. I figured his actions that night were caused by the alcohol. About a month later, I was invited to one of my friends to her sister's wedding. I went and enjoyed myself and got to spend time with my friend and her family. It had been awhile. The next day, Jacob came over and told me he needed to talk to me. We went to the park, which was always empty because no one went there anymore since the mall was built. We got out of the car and started walking when all of sudden he thundered at me "where the hell were you yesterday??". "I went to a wedding! I thought I told you!" I answered. "Did I give you permission to go??" he demanded. He yelled at me for about 10 minutes, telling be how I should tell him everything I do, where I'll be, who I'll be with, and for how long, at all times, like I was on house arrest or something. I looked at him in shock and said "Why should I tell you every aspect of my life??" With that, he looked at me with hate, it was pulsing out of his veins. I could feel it. His fist curled up and the next thing I knew he had punched me in the face. I had a black eye for a week. I had to try to cover it up with make-up, which was quite a task, but I let him get away with it for some reason. I didn't understand why he did that. I thought that if someone loved another person, they would never hurt them. I guess I was wrong. "Something else must have been bothering him." I thought. "It couldn't have been what he said it was. That just doesn't make any sense!" I gave him another chance, hoping that it was all just a phase and that it would pass, but being naive only caused things to get worse. One Friday night, I was out with 3 of my other friends, and we ran into some of out other friends at the mall. We were sitting in the food court when I saw Jacob walk up through the mist of the crowd. His eyes were fierce and burning like fire. He stared at me as he was coming at me, like he saw me through tunnel vision and nothing else. It was clear he had a purpose. He grabbed me by the arm when he got to me. His grasp was firm and it hurt. His fingers left welts on my skin. He dragged me outside, and he didn't speak a word, until we were in sight of no one. Then, all he spoke were words of hate. He cursed at me, called me cruel names, and he struck me. He punched me a thousand times, it seemed. He didn't stop. He was a machine. I remember laying on the ground, helpless, feeling blood trickle from my lips. I could barely open my left eye, and my right was fuzzy. I tried to get up, and I found myself all alone, like some kind of horrible nightmare gone too far. Just as I got to my feet, I saw 2 of my friends coming toward me, to my rescue a little too late. I was in the hospital for 3 days and 3 night. He split my lip open, gave me another black eye, and somehow cut my other eye, maybe with a fingernail, no one really knows. My kneecap was dislocated, probably from all of the kicking. All those things could heal, but my heart was broken for all eternity. Call me bitter, but by the time my poor body had recuperated, I had this rage inside of me, destined to make sure Jacob would never hurt me or anyone else again! I asked him if I could see him alone. My parents were away for the weekend, so I had the chance to do as I pleased with him. I asked him if he was going to apologize for the pain he put me through, but all he did was turn his back to me and tell me how annoying I am. Poor Jacob. He shouldn't have done that, because as I pulled the knife from behind my back, he had no clue, that I would stab him in the heart and take his life from him, the way he took mine from me. The only difference is, I recovered, ... somewhat, anyway. As I pondered what to do with the rest of my life now that he was dead and I was free, I stared at his lifeless body before me. After much contemplation, I then realized that I had sunken to his level. There was no reason for me to live now that I have become that which I loathed. So I leave this note in explanation of my suicide. I'm sure my death will not hurt much. I found something underneath the kitchen sink that stated clearly on the side that if consumed, results would be fatal. I'm sure that will kill me right away, and I won't feel a thing. So, I'm sorry things had to be this way. I wish I could have had a happy ending. If only I had learned the lesson Jacob didn't learn. Sincerely, Christine
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