The Secret Cave of Poetry

All poetry written by Bethany Moore

© 1997-1998 Bethany Moore

Last Updated: 7/15/99


  • The Monster of Change
  • The Act of Tragedy
  • Activation
  • Sisters
  • Pledges
  • The Way Things Used To Be
  • Paradise of Hell
  • Confessions
  • Bed of Dead Roses
  • Flashbacks
  • The Unnerving Realization
  • The Addiction that Kills
  • Clue
  • Escaping
  • Afterwards

    The Monster of Change

    Transformation is the inconsistent rebellion
    which feeds off of the weak
    and makes it's way through rivers of regret.
    One cannot escape the predator which shields us from the stars
    and makes our existence our worst enemy.
    Controlling this beast is impossible yet.
    But he who speaks to God and recieves an answer
    must be a little closer than the rest of these poor seekers.
    I followed the star that was split out of rage and undeniable angst
    which was to be left undesired.
    I was transformed.


    The act of tragedy

    These awkward situations leave me drunkened,
    and the smell of sex lingers on my fingertips
    as I ever so willingly pass myself along
    from man to man, without shame.
    The weather is acting strange again, so very strange.
    But these shameless acts are meaningless,
    and my deepest feelings remain elsewhere.
    As cruel as it seems, this pleasure is not real.
    I sink into this hole, all too willingly.
    I cannot bear this stage any longer,
    and to fight for a love that is nowhere near
    would be even more pathetic,
    but why stop now?
    Oh, this thunder, this lightning,
    and those strange looking clouds,
    why do they haunt me so?
    They remind me over and over again
    of the mistakes I've made that slowly dig into me,
    taking me apart, piece by piece.
    What the hell am I still doing here?
    Where is that cliff or bridge when you need it most?
    All this thinking is making me tired,
    these tears I keep inside, they somehow comfort me
    and keep me sane during this performance.
    But inside, I am still sore.


    Activation

    Feel the girls outside
    dancing for the boys
    in the rain.
    I always preferred
    sleeping through the thunder
    that calmed the insane.
    Teardrops falling
    and I need money.
    A silver sun
    and we're still dying.
    It's late, but the freaks
    still want to play with me.

    Sisters

    Finally, a little breathing room.
    Oh, how it hurts to remember, though.
    I'd rather not speak of this tragedy,
    just know that I have survived.
    It took me so long to exhale.
    My God, how it hurts to remember.
    A tragedy that keeps me from sleeping.
    I cry out a furious storm,
    and the weather seems to sympathize.
    These gloomy clouds hovering over me
    follow me just to remind the world,
    things aren't as they seem.
    And Christ, does it hurt to remember
    those things you've pushed back in your mind.
    Those things that you tried to forget.


    Pledges

    I can't believe I let you inside.
    My heart was handed over to you
    and you say "things have changed".
    Why did you close yourself off to me?
    Why must you break my heart like this?
    I'm dying from this tragic loss,
    my heart bleeds,
    and I feel it seeping out of me,
    draining me away.

    The seeds we've planted in the summer
    were left neglected and unnurtured,
    and now our garden remains bare.
    Nothing has bloomed,
    nothing has grown
    like I thought it would.

    I can't believe I let you fuck me,
    I feel so disgusting now,
    and you say "the bitch I had before
    was at least a better lay".
    You're killing me, you know this.
    Breaking promises and hearts.
    I pledged I would wait for you,
    but letters I receive
    convince me now that time has been wasted.

    My endeavors to be pure for you
    I realize now must end.
    My heart now is in mourning
    but I've already begun to move on.
    But now my shields are in place.
    Can I ever love again?

    The Way Things Used To Be

    Once I said that ex-lovers never die,
    but they do,
    they are never the lovers you once knew.
    They change and they are evil,
    they cannot look you in the eye.
    Neither can you.
    To see them moving on is such a tragedy,
    a feeling of emptiness inside,
    gravity pulling you down,
    underground.
    Once I said that dreams never last,
    but they do,
    they come to you by night
    and haunt you by day with images of ex-lovers,
    those strangers you once knew.
    And as you pass by them the next day,
    you try to hide the pain
    and the secret that you hold you can never reveal.
    And although you never speak a word to one another,
    you can read each other's minds
    and you know that even though
    everything is different now,
    nothing has really changed,
    and you knew it would end up this way.


    Paradise of Hell

    Be silent as the guns go off.
    Can you feel them?
    The bullet-less guns we all fear.
    Sworn to solitude and an empty heart
    and an empty stomach.
    I slept on the ground made of cactus
    and old rusted knives.
    As I tossed and I turned, I freed myself.
    I miss the imprisonment that was once so comforting.


    Confessions

    Has Jesus been pinned to my bedroom wall again?
    I found an eyelash on my shirt
    and I was thinking things I wasn't supposed to be thinking
    but I couldn't stop myself.
    Maybe he's been looking at me.
    Maybe he knows what's been running through my mind.
    Is this a sin?
    I've been hiding from him for so long,
    I've given up religions.
    But who is left for me to pray to?


    Bed of Dead Roses

    Behold, and see my souvenirs and hold back your tears,
    these ones you don't have to keep.
    The memory of all the love of mine
    I gave but never received.
    Awarded a trophy as a psycho, as a bitch, as a freak.
    Daring to challenge the system
    and ending up challenging life.
    And in the end, I'm buried alive in eternal madness.
    See this coffin that lies before you.
    This is my souvenir of where the world has driven me.
    No need to bring me flowers,
    because they just die, too.


    Flashbacks

    Blue lights and red-headed dreams.
    Confused by the ghost that made me mute.
    Unable to scream.
    You tell me you hate me
    and I twist your words and talk in riddles.
    There's hurricanes in my head
    so I look the other way.
    Reminded of the dream that kept me cautious
    the very next day.
    You called me a whore
    and you forgot who I was.
    And you're haunted by me
    and the dreams that left me sore.
    I love the prince more than she does.
    And you can't feel the passion any longer,
    so why continue to be the Court Jester?


    The Unnerving Realization

    All my preconceptions of her
    were diminished with her outrage.
    She thrashed around the stage,
    blue and white cheerleading skirt and all,
    screaming about her angst.
    I wondered what went wrong.
    I had always assumed
    that they could not feel these emotions.
    At least not for the same reasons.
    So perfect, so unreal,
    yet I was wrong.
    The intensity of not only her voice,
    but her words,
    brought tears to my eyes,
    and I cried with her.
    I watched as if I were an audience.
    Whether she realized I was there or not,
    I do not know.
    But she blew me away.
    Such irony, it seemed.
    A philosophical, angst-ridden cheerleader,
    for once in her life,
    letting go of all that she held within.


    The Addiction that Kills

    I need this needle. I need this pain.
    This heat is deadly. I chant for rain.
    Soaking wet I couldn't believe.
    I'm bleeding so I guess I can't conceive.
    He kills me again. He knocks on my door.
    He's come back because he wants more.
    The music stopped as he shut the door,
    but he'll be back soon
    because I'm his brand new whore.
    I let it happen again. He took over my mind.
    I didn't see the consequence. My prophet must be blind.
    The mirror image was changing.
    My soul was beginning to die.
    I guess I know what happens
    when the needle gets me high.
    And the man who brought it to me
    will suffer a worser fate.
    My doorbell hasn't sounded yet.
    My killer must be late.


    Clue

    I swear I think I've died again.
    I sat without a clue
    facing the one who threw the knife.
    But I destroyed her from the inside.
    She didn't have a clue
    as she sat staring back
    at the one who shot the gun.
    She tore him apart without guilt.
    He never had a clue
    as he sat there eye to eye
    with the one who injected him with pain.
    I died without a clue
    never seeing the face of the one
    who insisted on playing this deadly game.


    Escaping

    Too much drama.
    Too much tragedy.
    Can I really survive?
    These lonely years I see
    approach me so fast,
    so quickly.
    Eternal sleep seems so inviting.
    Or just until the sun rises again.
    I pray that time
    will obey my command,
    and save this drama
    while I weep and wait for your return.


    Afterwards

    Oh, God, why do I feel raped again?
    He acted like he was doing me a favor,
    and maybe he was,
    but not that way,
    not the way he treated me afterwards.
    He didn't feel anything the whole damn time.
    He wonders why I feel like such a whore.
    I give up my youth,
    he complains,
    then he fills up that empty space,
    and then complains some more.
    Accept me,
    don't reject me.
    Don't dominate me like this.
    My legs are closed today,
    tightly, they do not separate,
    but who knows about tomorrow.


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