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"ER"
"A Matter of Confidence"
Act Three
Scene opens in Raypert's office. Raypert is sitting at his desk. Doug is curled in the leather chair in
front of the desk, both legs draped over one arm and his head sunk back into the high back of the
chair.
Raypert:
How do you feel about hypnosis, Doug?
Doug (eyes him suspiciously):
Why? Am I that bad off? You think you need to put me in a trance to get
answers out of me?
Raypert:
It was just a suggestion. Not an option. (pauses to collect his next thoughts)
Why did you start this therapy, Doug? What brought you here?
Doug (shrugs):
Something that happened in my personal life.
Raypert:
I've seen you six times and you still have yet to tell me what that was.
Doug:
That's because it has nothing to do with the root of the problem. It was just the
triggering point.
Raypert (leans forward on his hands on the desk):
Then, what is the root of the problem?
Doug (shrugs):
I'm not sure. Could be any one of a number of things.
Raypert:
Name one of them.
Doug (eyes him carefully):
Any one of them? (Raypert nods) OK, I think a lot of it started with Ray...
Raypert:
That would be your father, right?
Doug (nods):
Yeah. (pauses) When he called me up, and we started talking, I thought things
were really going to change. We got together a few times...even shared a few
laughs...but, then it just all fell apart. There wasn't anything there to hold it
together. I realized I honestly did not know the man. And he didn't know me.
We didn't even have a common bond. (looks nervously at his hands) I have a
son, Dan. You don't know that. Not a lot of people do. He's about 10 years old
now. And I've never even laid eyes on him. I don't even know his name. I only
know that he was born. I don't even know when. So, essentially, I'm the same
kind of father to him that Ray was to me...nonexistent.
Raypert:
Do you know where your son is?
Doug (shakes his head):
No. I would assume still here in Illinois somewhere. I met his mother when I
was in Med School. We dated a while and the baby just 'happened'. We didn't
plan for it. I wanted to marry her, but, her parents were dead set against it. I
wasn't 'good enough' for their little girl.
Raypert (chuckles):
You were studying to be a doctor! What parent doesn't want their daughter to
marry a doctor?
Doug (smiles sadly):
I wasn't the 'right kind' of doctor. They wanted somebody like Mark Greene...
someone from an Ivy League school with a good degree. I was in University of
Illinois on a hardship case scholarship...not exactly the background they had in
mind.
Raypert (surprised):
You were a hardship case? I didn't know that!
Doug (nods):
I had the grades, just not the money. The board thought I had potential and they
financed my schooling. That's one reason I wanted to stay in Illinois when I
graduated. I wanted to give back to the community that supported me.
Raypert (nods):
Very impressive. You made mention of the mother of your child's parents
wanting someone more like Mark Greene for their daughter, yet, you and Mark
Greene both ended up in the same place.
Doug (chuckles lightly):
Yeah, go figure.
Raypert:
Well, have you ever thought about extending efforts to contact the mother?
Doug (shakes his head):
No. It's been over ten years. Things are probably better off left the way they
are. I'm sure she's married by now...my son has a stepfather....likely doesn't
even know anything about me...it would just mess everything up now.
Raypert:
Maybe. But, maybe that's not always going to be your choice. The boy will be
18 someday. He may come looking for you. What will you say to him then?
Doug (chuckles...toys with his shoe string):
Probably something about as lame as Ray said to me when he called me. I'll
cross that bridge when I come to it. Maybe I never will.
Raypert (changes subject):
I read your letter to Mark Greene. (holds the letter up out of Doug's file folder)
Very nice. Is this really what you would want to say to him?
Doug (nods):
Yeah, but, I don't think I could ever sit down with him and say things like that.
That kind of stuff is better in a letter so he could read it sometime when he was
alone and I wouldn't have to deal with it.
Raypert:
Why wouldn't you want to 'deal' with it?
Doug (shrugs):
You just don't say things like that to another man, you know? Guys don't get all
mushy. That's for girls.
Raypert (matter-of-factly):
I have an older brother that I think the world of. I would feel uneasy saying
things like this to him. I don't think there's anything wrong with the things you
said about Mark in this letter.
Doug (defensively):
I didn't say there was anything wrong with it, either! I just don't think I could sit
down across a table from Mark and say things like that to him! That's all.
Raypert (shakes letter lightly):
Still, this letter is a good thing. This tells me you do have real feelings down
inside you someplace. And you're in touch with them. You just don't express
them well. I would guess you got some of that from the school of 'hard knocks'
you've obviously spent some time at. The purpose of this experiment was to let
me see just exactly what IS under the surface of that rough exterior of yours.
You need to let more people see that side of you, Doug.
Doug (shakes his head):
No. That side is soft. And weak. And gets hurt too easily. If I let that side of me
out, I could never be a doctor. (pauses, collecting his train of thought) It rips
my soul out every time I lose a patient. When I look into the eyes of a child, and
see the pain and the fear on their faces, and know there's nothing I can do to
stop that pain, or take away that fear, it chips off a piece of me inside. It makes
me think about my own son and wonder if I'm looking into his eyes and don't
even know it. And when I lose one, and I have to look into the grief stricken
face of a parent and tell them their child is dead, sometimes it takes every ounce
of courage I have to do it. Some days I go home wondering if I even have the
strength to come back another day.
Raypert (leans on his hands, and smiles):
And why do you come back?
Doug (looks up sheepishly...grins):
Because that doesn't happen every day. Some days I have one like Ben Larkin...
that I put my heart and soul into it and he walks out of here with his parents
later. Ones like that make it worth it. I came to grips with that kind of stuff a
long time ago. I can handle every aspect of my job. There are just some times...
Raypert (smiles with a nod):
We all feel that way, Doug. My cases are the same way. I might put six years
into a patient that commits suicide, but, I might have one case that I actually
make a difference. It all balances out.
Doug (smiles):
I guess.
Raypert:
I get the feeling you feel terribly alone a lot of the time, Doug, am I right?
Doug (shrugs):
I don't know. I don't think so. Maybe more than I used to be.
Raypert:
Why would that be?
Doug:
I used to have a lot of women in my life. Commitment never entered into any of.
I just wanted to be with someone. It didn't matter who it was. As long as I got
what I wanted. But, I don't feel that way anymore.
Raypert:
Why would that be?
Doug (deep in thought):
Because now there's only one person I want to be with. And I know that now.
And if I can't be with that one person, then, I don't want to be with anybody
else, either.
Raypert:
Does this person know how you feel?
Doug (shakes his head):
No.
Raypert:
Why not?
Doug:
I've never told her. Not in those words, anyway.
Raypert (repeats slowly):
Why not?
Doug:
I guess I'm afraid. I'm afraid she doesn't feel the same way. And as long as I
don't know that for sure I can hold onto a hope that things might eventually
work out for us later.
Raypert:
So, you're grasping at straws more or less?
Doug (shrugs):
More or less. I guess.
Raypert:
You need to let this woman know how you feel....
Doug (cuts him off quickly):
It's not that simple. We were once very close, but a lot of things have changed
between us. And a lot of things have changed about both of us. If it were as
easy as going to her and saying 'I Love You' and we rode off into the sunset to
live happily ever after, I wouldn't be here now.
Raypert:
Are you even friends with this woman now?
Doug (nods):
Yes. And I've worked hard just to get us back to that level.
Raypert (smiles slightly):
Well, sometimes friends make the best lovers. (Doug gives him a confused
look) Think about that. (Raypert looks at his watch) Time's almost up. I'd like
us to get together again next week...about Wednesday?
Doug (nods):
Wednesday's fine.
Raypert (looking over calendar):
Mornings better for you? Afternoons? You tell me!
Doug (lost in thought):
Whatever's open. I'm flexible.
Raypert:
I'll put you down for about 11AM, will that be OK?
Doug (nods, uncurling himself from the chair):
I'll be here. (He gets up and walks across the room, pausing briefly at the door)
Dan, is it just me, or did something happen here today?
Raypert (looks up from his desk):
I think you're on the road to a good start, Doug. Just keep that attitude, OK?
Doug nods quickly and disappears out the door.
Focus on Doug standing alone in the hallway as he waits for the elevator door to open. He closes his eyes and sees himself kissing Carol someplace in his past. The elevator door opens and pops his trance. He gets onto the elevator and as the doors close we see that his eyes are clouded with confusion and emotion.
Fade Act Three to black
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