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E.R.
Union Station: Coming Home
By: Emma Day
Part Two
Susan ate dinner in the dining car, and watched the sun set
through the train's dusty windows. Her thoughts drifted from
Phoenix towards Chicago, and back to Mark. They'd spoken only
three weeks earlier, but not for long. He'd been about to
leave for work when she phoned, so their conversation had been
short. She sighed. Their conversations had grown shorter and
shorter over the months she'd been away. Their lives had moved
in different directions, and their shared intimacy had faded.
WHAT DID YOU EXPECT? she asked herself in irritation. YOU
KNEW WHAT YOU WERE DOING WHEN YOU LEFT. THINGS WERE
BOUND TO
CHANGE.
"Enjoying the view, Susan?" It was Ruth-Ann.
"It's beautiful, isn't it?" Susan replied, looking back out at
the fading purple and reds that bathed the sky. A few stars
twinkled in the clear, deep blue.
"You don't see sunsets like that in Chicago." Susan was
surprised to hear Will speak. She looked up to see him
nodding thoughtfully.
Ruth-Ann frowned and shook her head. "You say that every
year."
"And every year it's true."
Susan smiled. "I have to agree with you Mr. Walker, you don't
see sunsets like this in Chicago."
Will humphed in triumph at Ruth-Ann, who decided to ignore
him. "I'm sure there are plenty more interesting things in
Chicago for a young girl like Susan!"
"Not too many," Susan replied. Then remembering her manners,
she asked, "Would you like to join me. I've finished really,
but I'm going to get coffee."
"That's very kind of you," Ruth-Ann said, patting Susan's
shoulder. "But we have a table reserved further down.
Besides, you looked like you were deep in thought. We
wouldn't want to disturb you."
Susan smiled as the elderly couple made their way down the
gently rocking train. She looked at her watch. In twenty two
hours she would be there. She would see him again. Her
stomach did a little, unexpected, flip at the thought. Well,
she was excited about seeing him. He was still her best
friend, and she loved him as much as she did Susie or Chloe.
Eight months was a long time to be away from your best friend.
***
The train trundled along through the night, and Susan fidgeted
and squirmed in her seat. Someone - she suspected Will Walker
- was snoring. Her knees ached to be straightened, and her
eyes had filled with grit. She sighed. Perhaps flying
wouldn't be so bad, after all.
Her mind lingered between sleep and consciousness, and whirred
away restlessly. Images flickered into her head, some
welcome, some not. She smiled as she saw Susie take her
first steps, and saw Mark laughing at something. Then she saw
him as she'd last seen him, and jerked herself awake. But the
image didn't fade. STAY, she heard him say, I DON'T WANT TO
LOOSE YOU. WE BELONG TOGETHER. She pursed her lips against
the guilt that squirmed in the pit of her stomach. I'M SORRY
MARK, she sighed. I DIDN'T WANT TO HURT YOU.
She sighed again, and sat up straight, gazing into the
darkness. WHY DID HE DO IT? She had asked herself that
question a million times. Or, rather, why had he waited until
she was practically on the train! Had he really thought she
would give up everything, just because he told her that he
loved her? That she would fall into his arms, and give up her
new job, her new life? Folding her arms in indignation, she
glared out of the window, and found herself staring at the
reflection of her own angry face. She looked away. It wasn't
fair that she should be the one to feel guilty! HE NEVER SAID
ANYTHING. HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO KNOW HE LOVED ME? A
corner
of her mind reminded her that she HAD known, but she ignored
it. There was love and there was LOVE. And he'd never said
anything. He might never have done. And he'd never said
anything since. He'd never repeated those words, never even
mentioned them. She sighed again, and relaxed a little. It
was all in the past now. It was all forgotten. When she saw
him again, everything would be just as it was. After all, he
was still her best friend.
Susan always greeted dawn with immense relief when she
travelled by train. The cool, clear sunlight lifted the
darkness in the carriage, and raised her spirits at the same
time. She quietly rummaged for her toothbrush, trying not to
disturb the rest of the dozing passengers. Though, she
doubted that any of them were really sleeping. Except, of
course, Will Walker. She could still hear his snores as she
made her way downstairs to the bathrooms. She wasn't the
first there, and had to wait. She stood by the door of the
train, and gazed out at the landscape that sped past. It had
changed overnight, and in place of arid desert, she saw corn.
Lots of corn. She was getting closer.
She didn't eat much for breakfast. For some reason, her
stomach was unsettled. LACK OF SLEEP, she told herself, as
the butterflies fluttered about inside. Returning to her
seat, she picked up a book and tried to read, but her eyes
blurred over the words. She kept thinking of Mark. WHAT WILL
HE SAY WHEN HE SEES ME WALKING IN? PERHAPS I SHOULD'VE
CALLED. HE MIGHT NOT BE ON DUTY....WELL, YOU KNOW WHERE
HE
LIVES, DON'T YOU? YOU'VE EVEN GOT A KEY TO HIS APARTMENT
IN
YOUR PURSE! She shook her head at herself, and tried to
concentrate on her book. WHAT IF HE'S NOT THERE? HE MIGHT BE
ON VACATION. THE SCHOOLS ARE OUT, PERHAPS HE'S AWAY
WITH
RACHEL? She closed the book, and gazed out of the window.
Things were starting to look familiar, and her stomach
suddenly lurched alarmingly. She took a deep breath. THIS IS
RIDICULOUS! EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE FINE. IT'S MARK
GREENE, REMEMBER? WOULDN'T HURT A FLY, MARK GREENE! She
picked up her book again.
"Are you all right dear?" Ruth-Ann asked. "You look kind of
nervous."
"No, I'm fine." Susan lied.
"I always get apprehensive before I arrive anywhere," Ruth-Ann
confessed. "I'm always worried that things wont be," she
shrugged, "quite like they were last time. Do you know what
I mean? It's always a little awkward at first."
"Is it?" Susan felt herself blush a little, "I mean, I guess
it is."
Ruth-Ann nodded. "Especially when it's been a while. We try
to come up once a year, but it's not enough really." She
paused, lost in thought. Then she recollected herself and
smiled. "So, how long has it been since you've seen your
doctor friend?"
"Nearly eight months," Susan replied, repressing another sigh.
"You must miss him."
"Yes, I do." She shook her head slightly. "You know, I miss
him more than I thought I would. I mean, I knew I'd miss him
- he's my best friend - but I really miss him. It's little
things, like, I'll be watching TV, and I'll see something
funny, and I'll want to tell him about it, only he isn't
there, and he isn't at work, and the phone's ...."
"...just not the same."
"Exactly. It's hard."
Ruth-Ann nodded. "It's such a shame when people live so far
apart. I didn't want Paul to move to Chicago, but he got
offered such a good job. But I miss having him come round at
the weekend. And I miss the grandchildren."
"That was the main reason I moved to Phoenix," Susan told her.
"To be close to my sister and niece."
"And now you miss your friend in Chicago." Ruth-Ann shook her
head. "Life's just not fair is it?"
Susan shrugged. "No one ever said it would be."
The day drew on. Time, it seemed to Susan, was speeding up.
She started to feel nauseous, and couldn't face lunch. Her
hands began to tingle with nerves, and however many times she
wiped them on her jeans, they stayed clammy. She gave up
reading as a lost cause, and stared absently out of the
window. Springfield. Nearly there. Suddenly it was
impossible to sit still any longer, and she got up and walked
down the train. Eventually she found herself in the
observation lounge. There wasn't much to see through the
large picture windows, as dusk was settling in over the day.
WILL WALKER WAS RIGHT, she thought to herself, THE SUNSETS ARE
TERRIBLE UP HERE. She bought a cup of coffee from the little
coffee bar, and sat in one of the large chairs. She didn't
touch the coffee - caffeine was the last thing she needed.
She could feel her heart racing, and saw her hand tremble as
she raised it to brush a strand of wayward hair out of her
eyes.
OH, GOD, I DON'T THINK I CAN DO IT. I'LL JUST GO TO THE
CONFERENCE, AND STAY WELL AWAY FROM COUNTY GENERAL.
NO ONE KNOWS I'M COMING. She wasn't comforted. The idea of coming
all this way and then NOT seeing him was even worse. What
would he think if he found out? OH, SORRY MARK, I DIDN'T HAVE
TIME TO POP IN. She shook her head. She had no choice. He
was her friend. If only she wasn't so nervous.
"Excuse me ma'am," the coffee bar attended said, "but we'll be
arriving in Chicago in fifteen minutes. I'm afraid you'll
have to go back to your seat now."
"Fifteen minutes! I thought we just passed Springfield!"
"That was while ago ma'am. You can see the city lights up
ahead if you look out the window."
She stood up quickly, trembling hands fumbling to pick up her
purse. "Thank you" she said through a dry mouth, and turned
to go.
"You can take the coffee ma'am."
"No," she muttered and left, heading for the bathroom.
FIFTEEN MINUTES! I'M NOT READY! OH GOD, WHAT AM I GOING
TO DO?