Gleeking by Mowkusrah
Dedicated to Ben Kail
Gleeking is the projection of saliva directly from your saliva glands beneath your tongue. When properly fired, dozens of tiny spittle pellets shoot out in a beam from your mouth and sail through the air until gravity pulls them upon their target. The target then looks as if it has been shot with a spray bottle. Pure unadulterated saliva has no smell and no taste. The defoliants in your mouth will have no effect on the spit because there is no time for it to mingle with the inside of your mouth. The result is a silent odorless hydro-weapon that will annoy a deeply rooted enemy, or create one. If your enemy doesn't notice that he has been gleeked on, perhaps the people around him or her will. Those that aren't astounded by the laser of spit that just gracefully shot from your face will be laughing at your wet target.

What causes gleeking?
As you know, your glands produce saliva when they are excited. When you think of or smell a delicious food, your mouth literally waters. This is the mouth's subliminal preparation for your taste buds to receive the food and your mouth to begin dissolving it. Your glands can be excited by the taste of harsh flavors like citrus and peppermint. Hot foods make your glands work in order to cool down the food. Surprisingly but effectively, yawning is a goldmine of saliva production. With a little training, you can control and manipulate each of these stimuli for your own diabolical purposes.

Your tongue: el projecto
Go ahead and take a good look at the inside of your mouth. I recommend using a mirror fastened to the wall. If you anchor your tongue to the roof of your mouth and open wide, you will see a muscle that creates a wall that is connected to the bottom of your mouth and extends to the back of your tongue. At the front of this muscle, you will spot quite easily the chief saliva gland in gleeking. It looks like a tiny heart halfway down this muscle, and in a way it is. While the heart pumps blood to circulate throughout the body, the gland pumps saliva to attend the functions of your mouth. By pressing this muscle forward, the gleek should burst from this gland successfully. If you can visualize how to press the muscle forward, then you are way ahead of your fellow students, but for those who are still trying to conceive how on earth you can spit without your lips, here's a little walkthrough:

1)Firmly press the tip of your tongue to the center of the roof of your mouth. Don't just use the tip muscles, but try to support it with the base muscles of your tongue.
2)Create a vacuum by letting no air through when you suck in. Seal the air vents above the sides of your tongue. Basically, your tongue is in the position before you let it go to make the "clucking" sound.
3)Pull your tongue back, all the while maintaining your vacuum. You should be able to feel the stretch of the muscle you examined.
4)Now push all the force of all your tongue muscles to where the tip of your tongue is touching the roof of your mouth. When it's pressed all the way forward, you should see in the mirror the gland resting on the edge of your front lower teeth. If it's not there and this tutorial doesn't help, just try to imagine how you would get it to that point.

Ready, aim, water!
What you just learned is how to fire the gleek. Unless you've mastered the skill to its fullest, this skill alone will probably not allow you to blast shot after shot of gleekage. To successfully gleek, you must coordinate stimulus and firing. You must practice using the reactions as ammunition. Example: If you yawn deeply, then anywhere from 0-20 seconds afterwards, the gleek will still be live. The amount of time you wait after stimulating the gland will determine in part the magnitude of the projection. Yawning is probably the most reliable source of ammo because it's an internal command and you can almost always simulate a yawn. If you can cap a gleek during the yawn, it may increase your range and accuracy. Don't be distraught if your first gleeks only propel a couple of water pellets or if they went off to the side instead of dead-on straight forward center. Continual upkeep of this skill will improve it. A week of exercising this will almost surely give you an adequate gleek -- and it just gets better and better. The champion of the realm of gleek, Pibb Daddy Baumhardt was once a beginner. Now, years later, the capabilities of the Pibb are incredible. When he gleeks, three simultaneous jets of spit water the target for seconds on end. The art is not inherent, but learned, and anyone can learn it. Try practicing while brushing your teeth -- toothpaste is a strong volatile force. Practice in class. Yawning is not a crime, and desks will record your progress throughout the period. Soak a piece of paper to wash your skin with. Bewet a page in a book to use as a marker. Quench the thirst of your dehydrated friends. Be a mime fountain.