"Everybody Loves Raymond" Episode Guide v1.3.0 (c) 1996-98, Tom Walsh (avs@netport.com) This guide may be reproduced in its entirety for noncommercial purposes only. For other uses, please contact the author. The following is an episode guide for the show "Everybody Loves Raymond." ********************************************************************* * NOTE: I do NOT have tapes of this show available for trade. * * Please post to the newsgroup alt.video.tape-trading for requests. * ********************************************************************* The text version is available at the AVIMall: http://www.avimall.com/entertain/EverybodyLovesRaymond.txt A pointer to this site is available at the Ultimate TV List: http://tvnet.com/UTVL/ Of course, there is a page at the Internet Movie Database: http://us.imdb.com/M/title-exact?%22Everybody%20Loves%20Raymond%22%20(1996) There is one "Everybody Loves Raymond" site out there, the official CBS site: http://www.cbs.com/primetime/raymond.html It's actually pretty good. ABOUT THE SHOW: "Everybody Loves Raymond" is a show starring standup comedian Ray Romano as sportswriter Ray Barone. It details his life with his wife, five- year-old daughter, twin two-year-old sons, and his parents and older brother, who live across the street but seem to spend much of their time at his house. (Note: add a year to the children's age for every year after 1996.) Their favorite hangout is Nemo's Pizza. The show is a Where's Lunch - Worldwide Pants Incorporated - HBO Independent Productions. Worldwide Pants is David Letterman's production company; Where's Lunch is Phil Rosenthal's production company. In the closing credits, the Where's Lunch logo is someone putting a plate of food on a placemat that says "Where's Lunch." Notice that the food changes each episode; the food is included [in brackets] at each episode listing. This will change each episode while new ones are made. The show was created by Philip Rosenthal and is based on the comedy of Ray Romano. Romano was "discovered" by David Letterman and has been featured prominently on the show "Dr. Katz." (For an episode guide of that show, please visit http://avimall.com/entertain/DrKatz.txt) Phil Rosenthal, Stu Smiley, and Rory Rosegarten are executive producers for Worldwide Pants, in association with HBO Independent Productions. ACKNOWLEDGMENTS: Special thanks to executive producers Rory Rosegarten and Phil Rosenthal for providing some corrections and new information and for their encouragement about this episode guide. Also, thanks to all involved for creating and putting on one of the funniest shows on television. THE TV RATINGS SYSTEM: Starting January 1, 1997, a controversial television rating system, known as the TV Parental Guidelines, was implemented by Jack Valenti and the Motion Picture Association of America, Inc. (MPAA). Valenti and the MPAA also gave us the movie ratings system in the late 1960s. While television watchdog groups wanted a content-based rating system (similar to that used by HBO and some other cable stations), they got an age-based system. There are six levels, the first two of which are for children's shows only, while the rest apply to all other shows: TV-Y (suitable for children of all ages), TV-Y7 (suitable for those aged 7 or more), TV-G (general audiences), TV-PG (parental guidance -- may not be appropriate for all children; parents may want to watch it with their children), TV-14 (suitable for those aged 14 or more), and TV-M (for mature audiences -- intend for those over 17). For new episodes airing after January 1, 1997, the show's rating will appear [in brackets] after the food listing. For reruns airing after that date, it will depend if I remember to check for the listing but will also appear if I do. For more information on the TV rating system, please see the TV Parental Guidelines site: http://www.tvguidelines.org/guidelin.htm. ABOUT THIS GUIDE: Episode titles come from TV magazine listings and TMSTV (http://www.tmstv.com/cgi-bin/quest/search). Production numbers came from the online Library of Congress Information Service (telnet://locis.loc.gov). VERSION HISTORY: v1.0.0 14 October 1996 Initial version v1.1.0 20 January 1997 More episodes added; closing credit foods added; TV rating added v1.2.0 22 September 1997 Season 1 information nearly completed; and season 2 episodes started v1.3.0 27 October 1998 More episode descriptions added; most production numbers added (seasons 1 and 2); and season 3 episodes started CAST: PERFORMER - CHARACTER Ray Romano - Ray Barone Patricia Heaton - Debra Barone Brad Garrett - Robert Barone Madilyn Sweeten - Alexandra (Ally) Barone Doris Roberts - Marie Barone Peter Boyle - Frank Barone and (listed in closing credits) Sawyer and Sullivan Sweeten - Matthew and Gregory Barone ** (** Now Michael and Geoffrey Barone; see the "**" below for more details.) In the first episode only, the twins were played by Amber, Drew, and Justin Ferreira (also listed in closing credits). OTHER OCCASIONAL CHARACTERS: Tom McGowan - Bernie (1996-pres.) Maggie Wheeler - Linda (will she ever get her own show?) (1996-pres.) Susan Varon - Suzy (waitress at Nemo's) (1996-pres.) Tina Arning - Angelina (waitress; Nemo's neice) (1996-pres.) Joseph V. Perry - Nemo (1996-pres.) Robert Culp - Warren Whalen (1996-pres.) Katherine Helmond - Lois Whalen (1996-pres.) Monica Horan - Amy (1997-pres.) Andy Kindler - Andy (1996-pres.) Kevin James - Kevin (1996-pres.) Phil Leeds* - Uncle Mel (1996-98) *Note: 1916-1998, R.I.P. EPISODES: CBS - Through episode #18, all shows were broadcast in the Friday 8:30 p.m. slot o'death on CBS, unless otherwise noted. Starting with episode #19, all episodes have been broadcast in the prime Monday 8:30 p.m. slot; thanks CBS! Starting in season 3 (or rather late season 2 reruns), the airing time was moved back to 9:00 p.m. on Mondays, to accomodate the arrival of "The King of Queens." *** SEASON 1 (1996-97) 22 EPISODES *** Episodes 1-12 begin with the "playhouse" opening: Ray discusses his family while putting together a plastic playhouse for his children. He traps himself inside it. 1. "Pilot" September 13, 1996 W: Philip Rosenthal D: Michael Lembeck P: Mark J. Greenberg [lobster] [TV-PG] We meet Ray and his family. Ray gets into trouble with Debra when he leaves the kids with his parents to get pizza. His parents dislike the "fruit-of-the-month" club he enrolled them in. Debra wants to spend her birthday alone with Ray and the kids -- and without Ray's parents and Robert. Guest: Stephen Lee - Leo 2. "I Love You" September 20, 1996 [Mon., Dec. 23, 1996] W: Philip Rosenthal D: Paul Lazarus P: Stewart A. Lyons (prod. no. 9602) [steak and baked potato] Ray has trouble saying "I Love You" to his wife. Frank breaks then tries to fix Ray's shower. Guests: Tom McGowan - Bernie Susan Varon - Suzy Maggie Wheeler - Linda 3. "I Wish I Were Gus" September 27, 1996 [Dec. 27, 1996] W: Kathy Ann Stumpe D: Paul Lazarus P: Stewart A. Lyons (prod. no. 9604) [ravioli] Ray reluctantly has to perform the eulogy at his great uncle Gus's funeral but hopes to use the opportunity to patch up his mother's feud with her sister. (The episode title comes Ray's lament when things go from bad to worse while preparing the eulogy.) ** I originally thought there was an error in the episode, but it has been verified by Phil Rosenthal that with this episode the twins' names have changed to Michael and Geoffrey. They were changed for artistic reasons. Guests: Jean Stapleton - Aunt Alda Hugh Holub - Funeral Director Joey Dente - Audience Member Marlena - Member of Family Carmen Filpi - Ancient Guy (old soldier) 4. "Standard Deviation" October 4, 1996 [Jan. 10, 1997] W: Steve Skrovan D: Jeff Meyer P: Stewart A. Lyons (prod. no. 9605) [chili] Robert's psychology project causes Ray's and Debra's competitive streaks to cause dischord in the home. We discover that Bernie and Linda's jet ski company is on the Net at http://www.bernie.com. It doesn't exist. Guests: Tom McGowan - Bernie Maggie Wheeler - Linda 5. "Look Don't Touch" October 11, 1996 [Jan. 24, 1997] W: Lew Schneider D: Jeff Meyer P: Stewart A. Lyons (prod. no. 9606) [meat loaf, potatos, and mixed vegetables] [TV-G] Nemo's niece, Angelina, takes employment at Nemo's as a waitress. Raymond, who finds her attractive, acts guilty around Debra and gets into trouble as a result. Guests: Tom McGowan - Bernie Tina Arning - Angelina Joseph V. Perry - Nemo Susan Varon - Suzy 6. "Frank the Writer" October 18, 1996 W: Tucker Cawley D: Paul Lazarus P: Stewart A. Lyons (prod. no. 9603) [hot dog] [TV-G] After Frank successfully sends an anecdote to "Readers Digest," he submits a bad column idea to Ray's editor. Guests: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar - himself Kotoko Kawamura - Japanese Woman 7. "Your Place or Mine?" Mon., October 28, 1996 @ 9:30 p.m. W: Tucker Cawley D: Paul Lazarus P: Stewart A. Lyons (prod. no. 9607) [pasta and meatballs] Marie gets fed up with Frank after 40 years of marriage and moves in with Ray and Debra. Ray and Robert enjoy being mothered by Marie, and Debra spends quality time with Frank. Frank discovers salsa. Guests: none 8. "In-Laws" November 1, 1996 W: Philip Rosenthal D: Alan Kirschenbaum P: Stewart A. Lyons (prod. no. 9608) [?] [TV-PG-L] When Ray's pretentious in-laws visit, he insults them at dinner, leaving him in the doghouse with everyone. Guests: Robert Culp - Warren Whalen Katherine Helmond - Lois Whalen others... 9. "Win, Lose or Draw" November 8, 1996 W: Kathy Ann Stumpe (teleplay); Stephen Nathan and Kathy Ann Stumpe (story) D: Alan Kirschenbaum P: Stewart A. Lyons (prod. no. 9609) [pizza] Ray loses all his money at poker to his dad. Guests: Les Lesser - Garvin Victor Raider-Wexler - Stan Murray Rubin - Eddie Joseph V. Perry - Nemo 10. "Turkey or Fish" November 22, 1996 W: Tucker Cawley D: Michael Lembeck P: Stewart A. Lyons (prod. no. 9611) [a rubber chicken] [TV-PG] Debra causes dischord with Marie when she a) decides to enter the Thanksgiving dinner rotation and hold it at her house (during Marie's year, yet!), and b) serves fish. A miffed Marie brings a turkey. Unexpected guests add to the turmoil. Guests: Robert Culp - Warren Whalen Katherine Helmond - Lois Whalen Phil Leeds - Uncle Mel Pearl Shear - Emma 11. "Captain Nemo" December 13, 1996 W: Lew Schneider and Steve Skrovan D: Michael Lembeck P: Stewart A. Lyons (prod. no. 9610) [sushi] Robert is elected captain of the Nemo Pizza basketball team but becomes drunk with power and is ousted. When Ray takes over, he discovers that being the leader is not as easy as it looks, especially without their tallest player, Robert. Guests: Kevin James - Kevin Andy Kindler - Andy Dave Attell - Dave Tom Paris - Tom Note: This episode is populated with stand-up comedians: Ray, Andy Kindler, and Dave Attell have all appeared on "Dr. Katz." Tom Paris is Ray's writing partner. 12. "The Ball" December 20, 1996 W: Bruce Kirschbaum D: Jeff Meyer P: Stewart A. Lyons (prod. no. 9613) [cheese, avacados, grapes, rolls] Ray is upset when he discovers that Debra has put his autographed Mickey Mantle baseball with items to be donated and is even more upset when he discovers it is a fake and that Frank, who gave it to him, knew it all along. Guest: Andy Kindler - Andy NOTE: Staring with episode 13 we get the "conveyor belt" opening: Ray discusses his family as they pass by on a conveyor belt. The "playhouse" opening on reruns airing after this date were replaced with the "conveyor belt" opening. 13. "Debra's Sick" January 3, 1997 W: Stephen Nathan D: Michael Lembeck P: Stewart A. Lyons (prod. no. 9612) [club sandwich] [TV-G] When Debra, Ally, and one of the twins become sick, Ray must juggle taking care of them and meeting Terry Bradshaw about a possible book deal. When things do not go well, Ray starts to doubt that he is a good father. Guests: Terry Bradshaw - himself Jack Blessing - Dr. Hammond Cynthia Sanders - Parent #1 Jonathan Chapin - Parent #2 Hannah Swanson - Little Kid Curtis Blanck - Staring Kid 14. "Who's Handsome?" January 17, 1997 W: Carol Gary D: Howard Storm P: Stewart A. Lyons (prod. no. 9614) [bowl of Spaghettios] [TV-G] Robert's doubts about his looks after getting a date with Debra's friend cause Debra to compliment him. This makes Ray feel inadequate about his own looks, so he makes a few changes. Guest: Monica Horan - Amy 15. "The Car" January 31, 1997 W: D: Howard Storm P: Stewart A. Lyons (prod. no. 9615) [ribs and asparagus] [TV-PG] Ray insists on buying an old junk car from his father, and Debra finds out why: it was his high school "make-out mobile." (Well, more than just a "make-out mobile"; I'll let you figure it out.) She is not pleased. Guests: Kristin Bauer - Lisa Constantine (Ray's first) 16. "Diamonds" February 7, 1997 W: D: Michael Lembeck P: Stewart A. Lyons (prod. no. 9617) [pot pie] [?] When Frank's friend is arrested for selling counterfeit jewels, Ray panics, knowing that is where he got Debra's engagement diamond. He steals Debra's ring after many attmepts (NOTE: The baker in a mineshaft segment is really funny), and replaces the diamond with a real one, but not before Debra realizes it's gone. He also learns she already replaced it with a much more expensive diamond, knowing the original was not real (or cheap at best) and feeling she needed to impress her parents. Guests: Barry Bonds - himself Monica Horan - Amy 17. "The Game" February 21, 1997 W: Tucker Cawley D: Jeff Meyer P: Stewart A. Lyons (prod. no. 9616) [bagels with cream cheese and tomatoes] [TV-PG-D] When the cable goes out, Marie suggests that the whole family play "Scruples." Frank brags about his superior morality, Ray and Robert fight about a childhood incident involving missing golashes, and Marie makes up a question to test Raymond'd love. In a touching moment, a fed up Robert leaves the room and sings a lullaby to one of the twins. Frank is exposed as the least scrupulous person. Guests: Jon Manfrellotti - cable guy 18. "Recovering Pessimist" February 28, 1997 W: D: Jeff Meyer P: Stewart A. Lyons (prod. no. 9618) [?] [?] Ray decides he is too pessimistic and tries to change. It almost kills him. Guests: ? 19. "The Dog" March 3, 1997 W: D: Rod Daniel P: Stewart A. Lyons (prod. no. 9619) [?] [?] When Ray finds a bulldog, Robert is jealous, since Ray accidentally let Robert's bulldog run away when they were children. Ray gives the dog to Robert, but then the real owner shows up. Guests: Kristi Yamaguchi - herself others... NOTE: Starting with episode 19, "Raymond" moved to Monday nights at 8:30 p.m.! 20. "Neighbors" March 10, 1997 W: D: Jeff Meyer P: Stewart A. Lyons (prod. no. 9620) [?] [?] When the neighbors get tired of Frank (who received a book on woodworking from Raymond and who is now up at all hours making noise), they confront Raymond with the problem. When Frank and Marie walk in on the meeting, they decide Ray has betrayed them. They then make up with the neighbors but treat Ray coldly, making Robert their favorite son. Guests: ? 21. "Fascinatin' Debra" March 17, 1997 W: D: Jeff Meyer P: Stewart A. Lyons (prod. no. 9621) [sack lunch] [?] Debra places a call to famous radio psychologist Dr. Nora, who then calls her back, asking to interview Debra for an upcoming book on the American family, since she is part of a vanishing breed: the housewife. When Dr. Nora arrives, she is fascinated not by Debra but by Ray, his parents, and the obsessive-compulsive Robert. Debra gets depressed and decides that she is the least interesting member of the family. Ray has his folks and Robert come over to tell her how interesting she is, but they all come over at once, and she realizes they are patronizing her. Later, Ray convinces her that she HAS to be interesting since she willingly married into the family. Guests: Mary Kay Adams - Dr. Nora Desmond Howard - himself 22. "Why Are We Here?" April 7, 1997 W: Ray Romano and Tom Paris D: Jeff Meyer P: Stewart A. Lyons (prod. no. 9622) [?] [?] In this flashback episode, Ray and Debra remember their days in their first apartment. Debra finds out she's having twins, and so they decide they need a house. Ray maps a strategy where they are not close enough for everyday visits from his folks but not far enough for overnight stays. A moustached Robert discovers his wife wants a divorce. Part-time realtor Frank finds Ray and Debra a perfect house -- across the street from him and Marie. Debra decides living across from her in-laws is a good idea. Out of the flashback, she realizes she made a BIG mistake. Note: It is quite apparent in the episode that Patricia Heaton is very pregnant in real life (somewhat apparent for many episodes). According to executive producer Phil Rosenthal, the episode, in part, was written for this reason. Guests: ? *** SEASON 2 (1997-98) 25 EPISODES *** NOTE: Staring with episode 23 we get the "defying gravity" opening: Ray discusses his family as they seemingly defy gravity around him, except for Robert, who walks by. 23. "Ray's on TV" September 22, 1997 W: Tucker Cawley D: Michael Lessac P: Stewart A. Lyons (prod. no. 9701) [tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwich] [TV-PG] Ray is offered a guest commentator spot on Roy Firestone's show, and his nervousness shows through with his choice of wording and pronounciation. Regardless, he is asked to return the next night. After getting advice from Debra and his parents, his second appearance is even worse. Ally draws pictures of the family, with Ray's parents possibly drawn as monsters. Guests: Kevin James - Kevin Andy Kindler - Andy Roy Firestone - himself James Worthy - himself 24. "Father Knows Least" September 29, 1997 W: Lew Schneider D: Michael Lessac P: Stewart A. Lyons (prod. no. 9702-204) [chicken-fried steak, mashed potatos, green beans] [TV-PG] When Ally acts up, Debra feels she and Ray should take a parenting class, where they learn active-listening techniques. When it seemingly doesn't work on Ally, Ray tries it on his parents with great success and then on Ally with success. Guest: Linda Kash - Celia 25. "Brother" October 6, 1997 W: Jeremy Stevens D: Michael Lessac P: Stewart A. Lyons (prod. no. 9703-206) [oysters] [TV-PG-L] With the second anniversary of his divorce, Robert is depressed, so Frank and Marie suggest to Ray he cheer up his brother. They have a great time, but Ray lets it slip that his parents suggested it, making Robert angry. They make up, at the expense of making their parents the butts of their jokes (in front of Frank and Marie), and Robert uses this to try to get closer to his brother. Ray's response to Robert's question on sex and intimacy makes him realize that the old way was better. Guests: none 26. "Mozart" October 13, 1997 W: Phil Rosenthal D: Ellen Gittelsohn P: Stewart A. Lyons (prod. no. 9705-201) [peanut butter & jelly sandwich, potato chips, grapes, and carrots] [?] When Ally doesn't want to take more piano lessons from Marie, Debra agrees, but Ray thinks Ally should continue with them. He realizes he enjoyed the lessons he took years before, and to encourage Ally, Ray starts lessons with his mother again. Guests: none 27. "Golf" October 20, 1997 W: Ray Romano, Tom Caltabiano, & Kevin James D: Ellen Gittelsohn P: Stewart A. Lyons (prod. no. 9704-208) [peanut butter & jelly sandwich, potato chips, grapes, and carrots] [TV-PG-L] Ray and Kevin trick Debra into letting him play golf. After playing, he feels ill from guilt and visits the doctor, who tells him he is suffering from stress and he should relax by playing more golf. Marie tells Debra she needs to make herself available to Ray more. Ray confesses his guilt to Debra. Guests: Kevin James - Kevin Iqbal Theba - Dr. Sundram NOTE: The closing food is the same as the previous week. Phil Rosenthal explains that this was an error at CBS. 28. "Anniversary" October 27, 1997 W: Kathy Ann Stumpe D: Ellen Gittelsohn P: Stewart A. Lyons (prod. no. 9706-202) [shrimp-fried noodles] [?] After taking his parents out for their 40th anniversary lunch, Ray discovers, before entering the surprise party, that they had separated for a year. He also learns that his father returned after Ray broke his arm in a bicycle accident, leaving him feeling responsible for his parents' miserable marriage. He also learns the source of many of his childhood injuries. Guests: Phil Leeds - Uncle Mel Monica Horan - Amy Daniel Hansen - Young Ray Ethan Glazer - Young Robert 29. "Working Late Again" November 3, 1997 W: Ellen Sandler & Cindy Chupack D: Will Mackenzie P: Stewart A. Lyons (prod. no. 9707) [?] [TV-G] Debra gets tired of Ray working late away from the house and asks him to spend more time writing his columns at home. He finally agrees and gets his paper to install a nice satellite dish and other fancy equipment. This arrangement does not work to Debra's satisfaction when Ray's friends show up to watch games, and Ray generally gets in Debra's way. She convinces him to go back to the office but not work so late. Guests: Andy Kindler - Andy Christopher Michael Moore - Guy Dave Attell - Dave Pat O'Brien - himself 30. "The Children's Book" November 10, 1997 W: Steve Skrovan D: Will Mackenzie P: Stewart A. Lyons (prod. no. 9708) [whole roast chicken] [TV-PG-L] Debra comes up with an idea for a children's book and wants Ray to write it with her; he reluctantly agrees. When Ray criticizes every point, she decides to write it alone but realizes she can't but is upset when Ray rewrites it for her. She then rewrites his rewrite, and Ray gets an editor to agree to look at it. Ray also reads both versions to Ally, who prefers Ray's version. Guests: none 31. "The Gift" November 17, 1997 W: Ellen Sandler & Cindy Chupack D: Will Mackenzie P: Stewart A. Lyons (prod. no. 9709) [New England clam chowder & oyster crackers] [TV-PG-L] With Frank's 65th birthday approaching, Ray frets about what to get him. Robert makes him a channel changer caddy (the "U.S.S. Remote Boat"), and Ray decides to get him an expensive fish tank with expensive tropical fish, which makes Robert jealous. When one of the fish dies, Frank becomes depressed. Ray and Debra decide, after much thought, that Frank sees his own mortality in the death of the fish. When Ray confronts his father on this, he finds out the real reason: he went to replace the fish and found out how much it cost. Frank gives away the tank and uses Robert's caddy to bury the dead fish. Guests: Andy Kindler - Andy John Lee - Wo-Hop Note: Preceding this episode (at 8 p.m. PST and EST) was an episode of "Cosby" where Ray and Frank attend Frank's high school reunion. Hilton (Bill Cosby) claims to have scored a winning basket in an important basketball game, whil Frank claims he did. The end result is that Frank admits it was Hilton. 32. "High School" November 24, 1997 W: Lew Scheider D: Gary Halvorson P: Stewart A. Lyons (prod. no. 9710) [Polish sausage and sauerkraut] [TV-PG-L] Ray and Debra attend Ray's high school reunion, and former nerd Ray is still the nerd when Debra ends up being more popular. Guests: Bob Odenkirk - Scott Preman Pamela Bowen - Jessica Bell Brian Posehn - Warren Marty Rackham - Pete Andrew Williams - Cool Guy 33. "The Letter" December 8, 1997 W: Kathy Ann Stumpe D: Gary Halvorson P: Stewart A. Lyons (prod. no. 9711) [turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, cranberry sauce] [TV-PG-L] After a series of incidents, culminating with Marie's total destruction of Debra's Tupperware party, Debra decides to write Marie a letter detailing her errors. This causes a lot of strife until Debra and Marie make up, since both just want a closer family. However, Marie still keeps the letter as ammunition for later battles. Guests: Maggie Wheeler - Linda Andy Kindler - Andy Jon Manfrellotti - Gianni Monica Horan - Amy Kristen Trucksess - Gayle Nora Dunn - Helen 34. "All I Want for Christmas" December 15, 1997 W: Steve Skrovan D: Jeff Meyer P: Stewart A. Lyons (prod. no. 9713(?) ) [(fake) old Swanson TV dinner -- steak, mashed potatoes, corn] [TV-PG-D] Ray tries to spend some intimate time with Debra but the lack of available time leaves her less than interested, and leaves Ray wondering what to do to turn her on. He asks some coworkers who don't offer great advice. Without trying, he gets her interested and discovers that being a little nerdy does it. However, Frank, Marie, and Robert spoil the moment by coming over to exchange gifts. Ray chases them away, and when they understand why, they quickly go. They still get interrupted, though, by Ray's remote control airplane, which Robert sends through their bedroom window, with a crash. Ray apparently advises Andy that being a little nerdy works since Andy appears to have enjoyed the company of Erin. Guests: Andy Kindler - Andy Christine Cavanaugh - Erin 35. "Civil War" January 5, 1998 W: Tucker Cawley D: Gary Halvorson P: Stewart A. Lyons (prod. no. 9712) [TV-PG-L] [crab] Frank decides to get back into Civil War re-enactments, which Ray thinks is silly, until Frank asks Robert to join him. Ray decides this will be a chance to get closer to his father and asks to join. When Ray gets chosen to be on the South, whereas Frank and Robert are on the North, he complains and tries to get out of it. Ray explains to Frank that he is trying to use the re-enactment to get closer to him, just as Frank got closer to his father by camping, when Ray realizes that Frank's father was distant to him and never did try to get close. Ray dies early in the Gettysburg re-enactment and has to lay on the battlefield in snow for hours. Guest: John F. O'Donohue - Harry 36. "Mia Famiglia" January 12, 1998 W: Ellen Sandler & Cindy Chupack D: Brian K. Roberts P: Stewart A. Lyons (prod. no. 9714) [sardines and crackers] [TV-PG] Ally has to write a biography of the oldest members of both sides of her family for school, and after asking Frank (even though Uncle Mel is older), Debra asks if any older family members still live in Italy. She learns that Franks aunt, Sarina, still lives there. Ray finds her address, and Ally sends her a letter. A few weeks later, without hearing a thing, Zia Sarina shows up. With an infectious personality, she teaches Ally some Italian and even brings Ray's family closer together. Of course, it's too good to be true when everyone realizes, she isn't Zia Sarina. Guests: Argentina Brunetti - Zia Sarina Barone Stella Farentino - Anna Barone Mike Batay - cab driver Phil Leeds - Uncle Mel 37. "Marie's Meatballs" January 19, 1998 W: Susan van Allen D: Brian K. Robert P: Stewart A. Lyons (prod. no. 9715) [a small amount of juice] [TV-PG-L] When Marie shows up at dinner time with her famous meatballs, Ray is torn between eating them and what Debra made. Debra gives him the choice, and he makes the wrong one: the meatballs. That night, Debra is unhappy with him and laments that she is not as good a cook as Marie. Ray talks to Marie about helping Debra, and she agrees bringing over a box of ingredients. She tells Debra that the most important ingredient is "the love," although the wine she drinks while making it can't hurt. Debra makes meatballs, which Ray tells her he loves, but she catches him spitting them out. That night, she sneaks into Marie's house and, with Robert's help, finds the recipe. Her meatballs followed the recipe, so she concludes that she just cannot cook -- until she discovers that bottle of basil is really tarragon. Ray confronts his mother, and she admits that she pulled the deception, because she felt that if Debra could cook as well as she does, Ray would not come over anymore. Marie gives Debra most of her recipes (which would have gone to her on Marie's death anyway) the next day. In a side story, someone keeps leaving small amounts of juice in the bottom of the bottle instead of finishing it. Guests: none 38. "The Checkbook" February 2, 1998 W: Tom Caltabiano D: John Fortenberry P: Stewart A. Lyons (prod. no. 9716) [TV-PG] [fried chicken, beans, corn on the cob] After again complaining that Debra is too stingy with the family's finances, she gives him a suprise: the job of taking over the finances. Ray manages to make disaster of this by paying off a large credit card debt at once, causing him to be overdrawn, which causes checks to bounce, leading to the electricity being cut off. Ray also keeps a second, fake check ledger to show Debra that he is taking care of the finances properly. He manages to get the electricity back on by paying them early in the morning, but Robert sees him and questions his actions; Ray tells Robert that Debra has a credit card spending problem. Marie and Frank learn this Robert and question Ray, while Ray gives Debra a blank check to pay for Ally's ballet lessons. Ray rushes to the bank to put money in through the ATM, before Debra, who is in line inside the bank, can write out a check to cash. After scuffling with a customer, Ray's hopes are dashed when the ATM takes his card, while he and Robert, who is on his beat, try to pummel the machine into working. We learn that Ray bounced checks on his second ledger and kept a third one as well. Guests: Andy Kindler - Andy Tina Arning - Angelina Joseph V. Perry - Nemo Martha Faulkner - old woman 39. "The Ride-Along" February 23, 1998 W: Jeremy Stevens D: John Fortenberry P: Stewart A. Lyons (prod. no. 9717) [cheesecake and fruit] [TV-PG-L] While watching "Cops" with Ray, Robert comments on the police procedure shown and on textbook arrests. Ray comments that he does not think that Robert could chase down a suspect and that Robert's job is boring. Robert challenges him to participate in a citizen ride-along. Ray tries to get out of it by appealing to Debra's fears, but she tells him to go. Next, Marie tries to stop it, but this time Ray is the one who wants to go. Much of the night is spent with boring incidents, such as an open warehouse door; Ray's arrogance at being proved right annoys Robert and especially his partner, Judy, who continually threatens Ray. When they stop for food at Nemo's, Ray notices a gunman threatening Nemo at the counter, and Robert tells him to get down. Despite Ray's admonition to "call the police," Robert controls the situation and gets the robber. Ray is shaken (and actually throws up at the station) by the incident and impressed with his brother. He calls his paper and asks his editor to include a story about the incident, trying to make Robert a hero. Instead, the paper turns it into a story about Ray, which Robert reads before Ray can prevent it. Robert once again feels that Ray is trying to hog the spotlight. In a bit of family dynamics, we also learn that Marie and Frank don't celebrate Robert's triumphs like they do Ray's because they fear for him everyday. Ray and Robert make up and go for a walk in the park, where both catch colds. Guests: Sherri Shepherd - Judy Tina Arning - Angelina Joseph V. Perry - Nemo Susan Varon - Suzy Stephen Bruno - hold-up guy 40. "The Family Bed" March 2, 1998 W: Steve Skrovan D: Steve Zuckerman P: Stewart A. Lyons (prod. no. 9718) [macaroni and cheese, asparagus] [TV-PG] Ally starts suffering from nightmares and insists on sleeping with Ray and Debra. To get her out of their bed, they try staying with her in her room, but this causes other problems. Ray states he will take a firm stand with Ally, because he doesn't want to spend the night in her room, but gets Marie to stay there. Guests: none 41. "Good Girls" March 9, 1998 W: Tucker Cawley D: Joyce Gittlin P: Stewart A. Lyons (prod. no. 9719) [Chinese] [TV-PG] Marie prefers Amy, Robert's girlfriend, to Debra and allows Amy to cook a meal in her kitchen. Ray determines the reason is that she is a good girl (contradicting evidence to the contrary in "The Letter") and states that Debra was a good girl with Ray before they got married. This lie causes more problems when Debra isn't comfortable pretending this was the case, while Marie is ecstatic. Everything comes to a boil when Amy finds out everyone knows, Ray admits Debra wasn't a good girl before they got married, and Frank admits he and Marie had sex ... and, in fact, had to get married. Guest: Monica Horan - Amy 42. "T-Ball" April 6, 1998 W: Lew Schneider D: Jeff Melman P: Stewart A. Lyons (prod. no. 9720) [salad] [TV-G] It's Ray Debra's turn to provide snacks for Ally's t-ball team, but Debra has never seen the "approved snack list," on which her snack, pretzels, does not appear. She tangles with the team monitor, Brian, about the choice of food, but is not supported by Ray. She later accuses Ray of worrying more about being liked than standing up for her. Although they are supposed to bring the snack the next week, Debra stands her ground and won't, but Ray, agreeing with her, brings them anyway. When Brian tells Debra about Ray's gesture against Ray's wishes, Ray finally blows up. Guests: Dan Castellaneta - Brian Jenny Buchanan - Lisa Yolanda Snowball - Teacher Jerry Hauck - Parent Note: There appears to be a continuity error -- Ray's gym bag containing the snacks changes. 43. "Traffic School" April 20, 1998 W: Kathy Ann Stumpe D: John Fortenberry P: Stewart A. Lyons (prod. no. 9721) [ham, crannberry suace] [TV-PG-L] When Robert proves a bore at teaching traffic school, he creates a puppet called Traffic Cop Timmy to liven things up. Timmy's first appearance is in front of the family. Guests: none 44. "Six Feet Under" April 27, 1998 W: Cindy Chupack & Steve Skrovan & Tom Caltabiano D: Jeff Melman P: Stewart A. Lyons (prod. no. 9722) [nachos] [TV-G] While measuring the kids, Ray realizes he is no longer six feet tall, triggering a midlife crisis. Kevin, Andy, and Gianni suggest he set some goals, but when Debra finds him penning his "Things to Do Before I Die" list, she describes her mid-life crisis and explains to him how he should have his. Meanwhile, Marie learns Frank sold one of their burial plots for a big profit, so she looks for a new cemetary. Guests: Kevin James - Kevin Andy Kindler - Andy Jon Manfrellotti - Gianni 45. "The Garage Sale" May 4, 1998 W: Ellen Sandler & Jeremy Stevens & Lew Schneider & Tucker Cawley D: Jeff Melman P: Stewart A. Lyons (prod. no. 9723) [club sandwich, chips, pickles] [TV-G] When Frank learns a neighbor is making big bucks holding a garage sale, he decides his junk is better than theirs and decides to hold one, too. He gives Ray and Robert only a little to remove their things from the basement before it gets sold. Robert only finds one things of his in the basement, a pair of forgotten shoes he was supposed to get for Christmas years ago, while Ray finds a lot of childhood memories. When he takes them home, he is sad to learn Debra is giving away things the children have outgrown, like their crib. He realizes that Debra wants no more children, while he does, and eventually takes the crib and other items back. After Debra convinces Ray he really doesn't want more children, she begins to realize she might. Guests: Susan Segal - Pregnant Woman Richard Marion - Don Nick DeGruccio - Wendell Sarah Rush - Woman 46. "The Wedding, pt. 1" May 11, 1998 W: Ray Romano & Phil Rosenthal D: Jeff Melman P: Stewart A. Lyons (prod. no. 9724) [chili dogs, Fritos] [TV-PG-D] Ray asks Debra why she married him, and in flashback, we look back at that moment in their lives. Ray gets his columnist job at the New York Post and uses his first column to propose to Debra. A very nervous Ray tries to get Debra alone at his parents' house, but they keep interrupting and ruin the moment by finding out about the column before Debra. Still, Debra is thrilled and accepts. Ray tries to help her plan but learns she has had the whole thing planned since she was twelve, leaving Ray wondering if she is marrying him for love or simply to have the elaborate wedding she has dreamed of. Guests: Robert Culp - Warren Whalen Kevin James - Kevin Andy Kindler - Andy Katherine Helmond - Lois Whalen 47. "The Wedding, pt. 2" May 18, 1998 W: Ray Romano & Phil Rosenthal D: Jeff Melman P: Stewart A. Lyons (prod. no. 9725) [pork chops and apple sauce] [TV-G] Still in flashback, Ray wonders why Debra why is marrying him. He learns it is for love, but not before hilarity ensues. Guests: Robert Culp - Warren Whalen Charles Durning - Father Hubley Phil Leeds - Uncle Mel Fred Stoller - Gerard Al Romano - Lewis Michael Duddie - Duddie Kevin James - Kevin* Andy Kindler - Andy* Tom McGowan - Bernie* Katherine Helmond - Lois Whalen *Note: For this episode, these were listed as "Special Appearances." Note: The reairing of episodes 46 and 47 occured back-to-back on September 14, 1998, with closing credits combined at the end and a dedication to Phil "Uncle Mel" Leeds who died in early September. *** SEASON 3 (1998-99) 22 EPISODES *** NOTE: Staring with episode 48 we get the "Ode de Joy" opening: the usual ELR theme music starts but when Ray looks out the window and sees his parents and brother coming over, Beethoven's "Ode de Joy" starts up while he and Debra rush to lock the doors and make it appear no one is home. 48. "The Invasion" September 21, 1998 W: Ellen Sandler D: Will Mackenzie P: Lisa Helfrich Jackson (prod. no. ?) [fish sticks, slaw, celery and carrot sticks] [TV-PG-L] Ray turns the tables on his intrusive parents when termites force him and his family to move in with them. Guests: none 49. "Driving Frank" September 28, 1998 W: Cindy Chupack D: Will Mackenzie P: Lisa Helfrich Jackson (prod. no. ?) [beef dip sandwich] [TV-PG-L] Ray must face the fact that his parents are getting older after his father has another auto accident. Guests: none 50. "The Sitter" October 5, 1998 W: Lew Schneider D: Will Mackenzie P: Lisa Helfrich Jackson (prod. no. ?) [steak] [TV-PG-L] Debra grows jealous when the baby sitter she hired becomes more popular with the children than she is. Guests: Senta Moses - Lisa David Hunt - Bill Parker Tess Oakland - Sally Parker Elizabeth Herring - Mary Parker 51. "Getting Even" October 12, 1998 W: Steve Skrovan D: Steve Zuckerman P: Lisa Helfrich Jackson (prod. no. ?) [stir fry] [TV-PG-D] Ray fears the wrath of Debra after he embarrasses her in front of everyone at a school auction. Guests: none 52. "The Visit" October 19, 1998 W: Susan van Allen D: Richard Marion P: Lisa Helfrich Jackson (prod. no. ?) [fish on a bed of rice] [TV-PG-D] Debra discovers to her chagrin that she wishes her own mother behaved more like Marie. Guests: Katherine Helmond - Lois Whalen 53. "Halloween Candy" October 26, 1998 W: Steve Skrovan D: Steve Zuckerman P: Lisa Helfrich Jackson (prod. no. ?) [egg rolls] [TV-PG-DL] After Debra runs out of her birth control, she lets Ray know that if he took a more active roll in that department, she might be receptive to him more often. After ruling out condoms, he considers her suggestion of a vasectomy. He tells Robert and Andy while at Nemo's, where he is overheard and then informed by Nemo that there are risks involved. He decides against it and buys condoms. Debra agrees to a rendezvous later after they take the kids trick-or-treating. Frank, dressed as Frankenstein's monster, hands out candy for Ray and Debra, but after giving out too much, he runs out and has to find some quickly. He finds brightly wrapped "chocolate coins" (the condoms) and passes them out. Debra is embarrassed at having to talking to the parents, while Ray desparately tries to get one back. He finds a kid with one and buys it and other candy back, only to discover this one really is a chocolate coin. Guests: Andy Kindler - Andy Tina Arning - Angelina Joseph V. Perry - Nemo Susan Varon - Suzy Tess Oakland - Sally Parker Vinnie Buffolino - Dracula Elizabeth Herring - Carrie Parker Zachary Robinson, Ben Rosenthal, Nicholas Rossitto, Sam Skrovan - Halloween Trick-or-treaters 54. "Moving Out" November 2, 1998 W: ? D: ? P: Lisa Helfrich Jackson (prod. no. ?) [?] [?] Robert moves into his own apartment, leaving a void in the rest of the Barone household. 55. "The Article" November 9, 1998 W: ? D: ? P: Lisa Helfrich Jackson (prod. no. ?) [?] [?] ----------------------------------------------------------------------------