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Horoscope

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20- Feb. 18): You have an inventive mind and are 
inclined to be progressive.  You lie a great deal.  You make the same
mistakes repeatedly because you're stupid.  Everyone thinks you are a 
fucking jerk.

PISCES (Feb. 19- Mar. 20): You have a vivid imagination and 
often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA.  You have minor
influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting your 
power.  You lack confidence and are generally a dipshit.

ARIES (Mar. 21- Apr. 19): You are the pioneer type and think most
people are dickheads.  You are quick-tempered, impatient, and scornful
of advice. You are a real prick.

TAURUS (Apr. 20- May 20): You are practical and persistent.  You
have a dogged determination and work like hell.  Most people think you
are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a goddam communist.

GEMINI (May 21- June 20): You are a quick and intelligent thinker.
People like you because you're bisexual.  You are inclined to expect 
too much for too little.  This means you are a cheap bastard.  Geminis
are notorious for thriving on incest.

CANCER (June 21- July 22): You are sympathetic and understanding
to other people's problems which makes you a sucker.  You are always 
putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and won't
be worth a shit. Everybody in prison is a Cancer.

LEO (July 23- Aug. 22): You consider yourself a born leader. 
Others think you're an idiot.  Most Leos are bullies.  You are vain and
cannot tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting.  Leo 
people are theiving motherfuckers and spend most of their time kissing 
mirrors.

VIRGO (Aug. 23- Sep. 22): You are the logical type and hate disorder.
This shit-picking is sickening to your friends.  You are cold and 
unemotional and often fall asleep while fucking. Virgos make good bus 
drivers and pimps.

LIBRA (Sep. 23- Oct. 22): You are the artistic type and have a 
difficult time with reality.  If you are male, you are probably 4'10" 
and neurotic.  Chances for employment and monetary gain are nil.  Most
female Libras are whores. All Libras die of veneral disease.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23- Nov. 21): The worst of the lot. You are shrewd
in business and cannot be trusted.  You shall achieve the pinnacle  of 
success because of your total lack of ethics.  You are a perfect 
son-of-a-bitch.  Most Scorpios are murdered.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22- Dec. 21): You are optimistic and enthusiastic.
You have a reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent
whatsoever.  The majority of Sagittarians are drunks.  Nixon was a 
Sagittarian.  You are not worth the time of day.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22- Jan. 19): You are conservative and afraid of
taking risks. You are basically chickenshit.  There has never been a 
Capricorn of any importance.  You should kill yourself.

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