Skit Night Sketch
Written by Greg Spies

Greg- My name is Greg Spies, many of you have probably seen me in the halls
or maybe we've had a class together.  Whatever the case may be, I'm sure 
you've probably asked yourself this question a hundred times, "How does 
Greg get all the girls?"

Enter Girl 1 and 2

Girl 1- Hey Greg.
Greg- Hey Girl 1, hi Girl 2.

Girl 2 waves timidly.

Girl 1- Are we still on for tonight?
Greg- Definitely.

Both girls breath a sigh of relief.

Girl 1- Okay, We'll see you then.
Greg- Sure.

Girls 1 & 2 walk over to the other side of the stage and continue to stare at Greg

Greg- As I was saying, you've probably asked yourself, "How does he do it?  I mean 
I never see this guy walking by himself.  He's always got at least three girls hanging
around him.

Enter Girl 3, 4, 5.  A nerd is following them, trying to get their attention.  
Girl 3 turns around and pushes him away, sending him to the floor.

Girl 3- Hi Greg.
Greg- Hello Girl 3.
Girl 4- Are you still going with us to the movies this weekend?
Girl 3- It's our treat remember.
Greg-  Yeah we're still on.
Girl 5- (Unbelievably grateful)  Oh thank god.

Girl 3 puts her hand on Girl 5's shoulder and says to her...

Girl 3- I told you he would, Greg's dependable.
Girl 4- Well, bye.
Greg- Bye Girl 3,4,5.

Girls 3, 4 & 5 walk over to the other side of the stage with Girls 1 & 2.

Greg- Now as may imagine, being this unbelievably desirable does have some 
draw backs...

Unusual Man enters, walking and dressing in a fashion that insinuates something
about his sexual preference.

Greg- (While Unusual man is walking over)  But believe me it's worth it.

Unusual man makes his way to Greg places his hand seductively on Greg's should as he
passes, saying...

Unusual man- Hi Greg...
Greg- (Somewhat embarrassed) Hi unusual man.  That's a nice outfit you got there.

Unusual man smiles, makes some sort of body movement, and then exits off stage.

Greg- As I was saying, even though sometimes it can be a little bit annoying, believe me, 
it's worth it.  Now, you've probably asked yourself, "Is there anyway I can be as popular
with the ladies as Greg is.  I see (name of someone in the crowd) is nodding his head.  
The answer, is yes.  You too can have the kind of success I've had, all you have to know
is the three basic elements of desirability, which I possess.

Girls 6,7,8 enter

Girl 6- Hi Greg, whatcha doin'?
Greg- Oh, hi Girl 6.  I'm talking to the audience. 
Girl 6- Ooooh, can I watch?
Greg- Ah sure, I suppose so.

Girl 6 stares at me.  Girl 7 & 8 join in on the staring, 
barely able to contain themselves.

Greg- Okay, here are the three basic elements for success.  The first is personality.  
You have to nice, outgoing, and funny.
Girl 6- Wow Greg, you're all of those things and more.

Girl 7 & 8 nod at each other in agreement.

Greg- Thanks.  The second important thing is the kind of activities you do.  You 
have to participate in sports that girls find exciting, such as tennis.  You have
to be in clubs that girls flock to, such as the chess club.
Girl 6- I also enjoy guys who know there way around a computer.

Girls 7 & 8 close their eyes and smile, as if they're imagining me at my computer.
Greg- You see.  The final, and most important aspect, is the body. 

Rip open shirt.  Girl 6 rubs chest.  

Girl 7- And what a body it is.
Greg- Why thank you.
Girl 8- Thank  you.
Greg- Now, this is kind of the unfair part, because not all of us are blessed to be born with
bodies like mine.  But you have to work with what you got.  I spend up to five hours a day in 
the gym to keep looking the way I look.
Girl 6- And believe me, it's worth it.
Greg- Well, I hope I've been able to inspire some of you, and show you how to get the 
women of your  dreams.  Don't be afraid, if you use my system, you can do it.  You guys 
sitting next to your parents tonight, you can do it.  You guys who put your phone number
on the computer dating forms, you can do it.  Gym teacher, even you can...  try it.

The group of girls slowly walk over toward me, and the crowd is laughing 
uncontrollably at the hit on the gym teacher.  They form a sort of huttle, and then 
push Girl 1 out toward me.

Girl 1- Greg, what are you doing after this monologue?

Greg looks toward Girl 1, then back toward the group.  The group all waves
 toward him, and Greg looks back toward the audience with a grin.

Greg- Good night!

The entire group exits with Greg in the middle.

Although some stage directions have been given, many are not.  Throughout the entire 
sketch, the girls must be in awe of me.  They should speak your lines as if you can 
not believe how lucky they are to be speaking to me.  They're eyes should always be 
focused on me.  I am sure that this will come natural to you.