Graviton Girls vs Nerima Guys Chapter 4: I don't care.
A Fanfic by Eddie Vagg and Dave Myers
The story so far. A-ko, B-ko, C-ko and gang go to Nerima for a student exchange trip, and B-ko learns that she's been set up to marry Kuno by her father. A-ko has lost her powers due to a run-in with Happosai, but she's formed a friendship with Ranma, who offered to help her out. Ryoga gives an odd medallion to Akane as a souvenir from Graviton City. A strange substitute teacher, Gail shows up and generally acts like Darth Vader. Hikaru and B-ko are invited to dine at Kuno mansion the same night as A-ko and C-ko are invited to the Tendo Dojo for dinner.
A-ko: Ahhhh hello? Anyone home?
A-ko and C-ko stand outside the gates of the Tendo Dojo looking hesitantly in.
Kasumi: Why hello you must be Ranma's friends...
A-ko: Yes we are. I'm A-ko and this is my friend C-ko.
C-ko: AYYYKKOOOO I wanna go to the mooooviiieeeeee!!
A-ko: C-ko, don't be rude.
C-ko turns around and starts sulking.
A-ko: I'm sorry for my friend's behaviour.
Kasumi: Not at all.. Well Ranma's waiting in the house.
A-ko: Thankyou...
C-ko: A-ko! Look! It’s a giant Panda!
C-ko goes running off to the house and runs up to Genma. Genma looks curiously down at the cute little girl.
C-ko: Wheeeee look A-ko he's so big!
A-ko: Yeah he is....
Genma: <Go Away>
C-ko: Wow he's so fuzzy.
C-ko cuddles up to the Giant panda hugging him tightly
Genma:<Shoo! Shoo!>
Soun: Saotome your not taking advantage of young girls again are you?
Genma:<Thats not funny> (He spins the sign rapidly) <Will you get her off me>
Everyone begins to laugh except A-ko and C-ko who don't quite get the joke.
A-ko: So you call your pet Panda Saotome?
Nabiki: Yeah that’s Ranma's father.
A-ko looks very shocked at this.
A-ko: Well... I guess.... there kinda is.... a family resemblance.
Ranma: That’s not funny!
A-ko: (blushes) Hi Ranma! C-ko gives A-ko a dirty look.
Ranma: Uh... Hi! Glad you could make it. (looks up at the clock) You didn't have any trouble finding the place did you?
A-ko: Ahhh... no. Sorry we're late.
Ranma: Don't sweat it. Anyway, dinner will be along soon.
CRASH!
Akane: (from kitchen) Oh no! Not again!
Ranma: Make that, dinner will be some time yet...
Nabiki picks up the phone.
Soun: Nabiki!
Nabiki: Come on, we can afford Okynomiyaki once in a while...
Soun: Akane especially wanted to cook for our guests here tonight. Give her a chance. (bows his head solemnly) We must all pray for a miracle.
C-ko: I'll help!
A-ko: NO!
C-ko: Don't worry A-ko, it's no imposition. I love to cook!
A-ko: No this is a really bad idea..
Kasumi: Its not right for guests to help with the chores..
Genma: <let the girl cook>
Soun: My daughter needs all the help she can get. Please save her!
C-ko: It's settled then.
C-ko skips happily to the kitchen.
C-ko: I'm going to cook I'm going to cook Its a beautiful day Yaaay!
Principal Kuno: B-ko I hear you are being late to class. Are you having a problem with Miss Hinako?
Hikaru: What’s this?
B-ko: No its not that its just....
Kuno: B-ko is late due to her failed attempts to challenge Ranma Saotome...
B-ko: Shut up!
Kodachi: Ranma darling has been challenged by the likes of you....
B-ko: That cretin will fall before me tomorrow I swear it.
Kuno: Ha you think you can succeed where I the great Tatewaki Kuno have failed.
B-ko: Great? You think your so great, just because you've got a big wooden stick....
Kuno blinks at this and his mouth begins to move but strangely no words come out. For once the blue thunder is speechless.
B-ko: Ranma will fall before me tomorrow and everyone will be there to see me do it!
Akane: You really think so?
Kasumi: Well isn't that nice Akane. Are you sure you want that much chilli powder C-ko?
Genma, A-ko, Ranma, Soun and Nabiki all sit crouched behind the door listening to the sounds of the three girls cooking.
Soun: Are you sure this was a good idea Saotome....
Genma: <Well it can't make her cooking any worse>
A-ko: I wouldn't count on that.
Suddenly there is a knock at the door.
Voice: Hello anyone home?
Kasumi: (from kitchen) Ahh we have a visitor...
Ranma: Ahh don't sweat it Kasumi I'll get it. (To his father) Pop whatever happens don't let Kasumi into the Dojo.
Genma: <Gotcha>
Ranma: C'mon A-ko your cure has arrived.
Ranma and A-ko answer the door where a tall handsome looking man stands waiting for them.
Doctor Tofu: Ahh hello Ranma.
Ranma: Hiya Doc. Ahh this is the girl I was telling you about, A-ko.
A-ko: (bows) Pleased to meet you sir.
Doctor Tofu: Pleased to meet you A-ko. Ranma told me that you had a bit of a problem with Happosai the other day. C'mon lets go inside and take a look at you.
A short time later..
Doctor Tofu: So where abouts did he hit you?
A-ko: About here...
Doctor Tofu: Ahhh the "Weightlifter who hasn't trained in weeks point" typical he would hit that point.
Ranma: Weightlifter who hasn't trained in weeks point?
Doctor Tofu: Yes upon striking this point it reduces your strength to the equivalent of a weightlifter in a gym who hasn't trained in weeks. As you know if a weightlifter choosers not to train for a few weeks he cannot perform at peak efficiency. There is a counter...
A-ko: Really what's that called.
Doctor Tofu: The "Weightlifter who has been training for weeks point" unfortunately its located on your inner thigh.
A-ko: IT'S WHAT!!!!
Ranma: That’s probably why the freak chose that particular point.
A-ko: Isn't there another point you could hit.
Doctor Tofu (Sympathetically): I'm afraid not.
Ranma: Ahh you want me to go.
A-ko: YES!!!
Doctor Tofu: I think that might be for the best.
Ranma: Okay good luck Doc. Seeya in a few minutes A-ko..
Ranma beats a hasty retreat out of the Dojo.
Doctor Tofu: Sorry about this. O.K if you could lift your skirt.
A-ko winces and does as she is told. Doctor Tofu scientifically examines her crotch area until.
Kasumi: Dinners ready.
Doctor Tofu's glasses immediately fog up and he begins fumbling around between A-ko's legs.
Doctor Tofu: K..K..K..Kasumi...
A-ko: Hey cut that out..
Kasumi: Oh my...
Doctor Tofu: Ahhh its not what it looks like..
Nabiki: Whoa Doc you sly dog you...
Kasumi(Calmly yet Sternly): Now Doctor Tofu. I don't think that that kind of behaviour is appropriate in another persons house. I suggest that you finish up since dinner will be on the table in two minutes and we don't want it to get cold.
Doctor Tofu: Ah Ah Ah....
Kasumi: C'mon now chop chop!
Doctor Tofu: Ah sure c'mon.
With his glasses still fogged up he unsteadily makes his way towards the door.
Nabiki:(To A-ko) Thats my sis for you. Any other woman should have gotten jealous but not Kasumi.
A-ko (Blushing furiously): Ahhh right.
Ranma: (to A-ko) So, how'd it go?
A-ko: (Still annoyed) Fine...
Dr Tofu: Let's eat!
Genma: <Lets Go!!!!>
Kasumi: Wait' I haven't filled your plate yet!
Dr Tofu: Rice cakes!
Dr Tofu picks up his empty plate, and bites hard.
Dr Tofu: Yaahh! (Spit) They're stale!
A-ko: (thinking) Ok. Three cooks, one of them C-ko. Akane's cooking is just as bad. Hopefully, Kasumi is a better cook, but I don't like these odds...
Soun: Look, how charming! The seafood platter is arranged like a smiley face!
Before A-ko can shout a warning, Soun and Genma begin to dig in.
Soun's face goes green. The Panda's face goes orange.
Meanwhile, Ranma starts on the Shredded Lamb dish, , C-ko starts eating her own rice, Nabiki watches cautiously.
Kasumi: A-ko, why don't you try my Prawn dish?
A-ko: I'd be delighted to!
A-ko whips out her chopsticks with some enthusiasm, and starts scoffing the prawns down.
Kasume: My, what an appetite!
Genma eyes begin to water and his mouth looks like it is going to explode. Meanwhile Soun goes yellow and C-ko's eyes bulge.
Akane: Hey, how come nobody's touched my food yet?
Ranma: (thinking) I bet I can finish this dish before A-ko finishes hers!
Ranma starts eating faster, virtually cramming the Shredded Lamb down his throat.
Soun's face goes white
C-ko: YAAAAAA!!!!!!! Flames erupt from C-ko's mouth, singing Dr Tofu's eyebrows. Dr Tofu drops his empty plate.
C-ko: OMIGOD WHAT DIT I PUT IN IT THIS TIME!!!!????? I SWEAR I WAS FOLLOWING THE COOKBOOK, I DON'T WANNA DIE!!! I'M SO SORRRRRRYYYYY!!!
C-ko falls over, with a CLUNK.
Akane: God Ranma I've never seen anyone eat to win before....
Soun: I don't feel too well...
Soun collapses.
Ranma: Bwahahaha!! That must have been Akane's!
Akane: (brandishing mallet) What's that supposed to mean?
Ranma: Oh nuthin. It's just that it looks like he's eaten raw sewage.
Akane: Why you...
Ranma: whaaaa....
Ranma leaps to his feet in a cold sweat.
Ranma: I... I feel kinda dizzy...
Dr Tofu: I'll get you an aspirin.
Dr Tofu, gets up, turns and hits his head on a beam, knocking himself out.
Ranma faints. Genma makes a dash for the bathroom.
Nabiki: Uh A-ko, could you save me some of those prawns?
Hikaru: Ahh. Tatewaki. Training I see.
Kuno: You are as observant as you are annoying. Leave me be so that I may train in peace.
Hikaru: (smiles) But Tatewaki! We are practically family now. (confidentially) As my future son in law, you are entitled to a great honour.
Kuno: Honour? You speak of honour.
Hikaru: Indeed. I'm offering you a chance to lead a noble unit of warriors, skilled such as yourself.
Kuno: And where are these warriors? I should wish to meet them before I would make a decision.
Hikaru: Why? they're all around you! Don't you see them?
Kuno: You speak lies, foolish man. The garden is deserted.
Hikaru clicks his fingers. Hikaru: Ok men, time to introduce yourselves!
All of a sudden shadows dart from behind trees, out of shadows and even out of the fish pond. Wearing black ninja outfits, the unknown martial artists stand in dramatic combat poses.
Hikaru: DAITOKUJI RAIDERS FIGHT!
The black suited martial artists all converge at a central point in the garden, demonstrating impressive backflips, jumpkicks, and so forth. They fight with speed, dodging each other's attacks with considerable skill, one thing is certain. These are elite warriors. After their brief display they form a line, and bow to Hikaru.
Hikaru: So what do you say! How would you like to be their leader?
Kuno:...
B-ko: This time this time for sure you are not going to escape me. The second I see you.......
B-ko stands waiting until down the road two figures can be seen running towards the school. One of who is running along the fenceline.
B-ko: Ahhh there he is.
B-ko rips off her school uniform revealing the very skimpy Akagiyama 23 Battle Suit. She levels her arm at the approaching Ranma and waits.
B-ko: Just a few more meters and you will be within range.
Ranma gradually begins to get closer and closer in B-ko's scope as he approaches B-ko's eyes get narrower and narrower. Then suddenly the widen in shock. She looks down to see a two foot tall 100 year old freak attached to her butt.
Happosai: Oh how sweet!
B-ko: What is it get it off! Get it off! I'm being attacked by a hideous monster get it off!
B-ko begins running around in circles trying to dislodge the two foot tall freak
Happosai: Who's a hideous monster. Here I am just trying to show my appreciation for your uniform and I get insulted. Why I never.
Unnoticed to both of them Ranma and Akane run past unmolested. Ranma fails to notice Happosai.
B-ko: Appreciate this! Akagiyama Missiles!
B-ko launches one of her missiles into Happosai's mouth sending him flying into the sky.
B-ko: What a little freak. huffff.... Now where is Saotome. No! He got past me again!
B-ko throws herself into the ground and starts hitting and kicking it in a temper tantrum.
B-ko: Its not fair its just not fair!
A-ko: Well! (gives B-ko a sly look.) Looks like I was wrong when I said nobody would deprive you of your freedom.
B-ko goes red.
A-ko: (continuing) But I must say, you and Tatewaki make a perfect couple. I'm just so happy for you!
B-ko: (under her breath) Shut up, A-ko.
A-ko regards B-ko in mock seriousness. A-ko: You know, Tatewaki's got a lot going for him. After all he's... (pauses to think) Well he's rich and an egomaniac, he's just your type!
B-ko: What about your Boyfriend Ranma? I bet you didn't know he's already engaged! You don't have a chance!
A-ko is visibly shaken, looking shocked. B-ko: That's right, engaged. If the stories are true, he's also something of a weirdo. You don't want to know.
A-ko: Ranma's not a weirdo.
B-ko: Oh yes he is. He's a peeping tom, a crossdresser, and a troublemaker. You have no taste in men.
A-ko:(thinking) How do I know B-ko's not lying? (outloud) At least I don't have to get my Dad to fix me up for a man.
B-ko: GRRRRR! You'll pay for that!
A-ko: (thinking) Uh oh... I'm not better yet...
Gail steps into the corridor, robes and all.
Gail: (with seductive menace) Silence! (dramatic pause) You poor souls have so little time left. It makes no difference.
Gail turns and exits, leaving both A-ko and B-ko speechless.
Ranma sits staring at Akane blankly.
Ranma: What challenge?
Akane: The challenge that B-ko has made to you every morning for the past week. The reason why she is always late to class...
Ranma: Akane... what are you talking about? B-ko never challenged me.
Akane: What are you talking about? What the hell do you think she has been doing standing by the gates every morning.
Ranma: I just assumed she was waiting for someone. You mean she has been wanting to fight me every day. And every day I have humiliated her.
Akane: Yep.
Ranma: How about that, am I good or what?
It is late at night, and B-ko is in some kind of workshop, welding.
B-ko: (thinking) At last! Tomorrow will be the day I dispose of my worst enemies, both the old and the new. Ranma, you've insulted me for the LAST time. A-ko, you're gonna be history.
The door bursts open, and Kuno charges in. He does not look happy. Kuno: You dare disturb the sleep of Tatewaki Kuno, Blue Thun...
B-ko: SILENCE! You DO want Ranma out of the way, don't you?
Kuno: That fiend... He does not deserve to marry Akane Tendo. Such an honour is deserving only to her white knight, the gre...
B-ko: (impatient) Yes or no... Do you want Ranma defeated?
Kuno: You wench! Of course I want Ranma defeated. Who do you take me for?
B-ko gives Kuno a *duh* look.
B-ko: Now listen to me Tatewaki, I don't like you any more than you like me, but we do have common enemies. I propose a strategy.
Kuno: Strategy?
Gail: Tomorrow it will begin. With the Codex in my grasp I will finally be able to achieve my goal. Tomorrow, tomorrow my dear princess you will be mine. Muhuhahahahaha Muhuhahahahahaha Muuuuuuuhuuuuuuuhahahahahaha!!!
A-ko awakes. A-ko: Huh? Morning already? C-ko: Yeah! It's a beautiful day! A-ko scowls A-ko: Please, give me 5 minutes. Just another 5 minutes... A-ko ducks beneath the covers.
Girls continue to chatter in the background.
A-ko re-emerges from beneath her sheets.
A-ko: C-ko! What's with those girls! I'm trying to sleep in!
C-ko: Well, B-ko still hasn't come back from her dinner at Tatewaki's house last night! I think they're worried...
Gossiping classmate 1: I wonder if he used protection?
Gossiping classmate 2: Just so long as they marry soon, it probably dosen't matter.
Gossiping classmate 1: Yeah, I suppose you're right.
Gossiping classmate 3: Shhhh! Her gang's coming!
B-ko's gang emerge from the shower room, already dressed and groomed. They exit out the front door without a word.
C-ko: A-ko! We're late again!
A-ko: Yeah, I know. Don't worry, we're almost there!
All of a sudden Gail steps out in front of the two, resplendent in his Warlord robes.
A-ko: Mr Gail!
Gail: (chuckles) We're not in the class room now, child. I'm just Gail. Surrender your friend to me immediately so that you may live.
A-ko: I don't believe this! You have some nerve bossing me around. Especially since we're not at school yet. Pretty strange being made late for school by a teacher!
C-ko: A-ko, we're going to be late!
Gail: I gave you your fair chance. I will have to take the princess by force!
Gail raises his arm and takes aim at A-ko. Energy surges up his forearm, but just as he fires a beam of energy from his arm, his aim is ruined by a falling tree branch.
D is up in the tree above the trio, wearing her tacky spy clothes, but brandishing a large sword.
D: Don't worry your highness, I'm here to protect you!
C-ko: Hi Dee!
Gail: Outnumbered by weaklings... I can kill only one.
Gail fires up into the tree.
A-ko: Oh no!
C-ko: DEEEE!!!!!
Gail seises his opportunity, and grabs C-ko, tucking her under his arm with ease.
A-ko: Why you!
A-ko pounds her fists into the folds of Gails robes, to no real effect. Gail looks down with contempt.
Gail: Puny earthling...
Gail raises his fist, and an incredible force hurls A-ko well into the shrubbery. By the time A-ko regains her senses, Gail is gone.
In the nightclub district in Tokyo, one Karaoke bar is still open. It is empty, save for an Olive haired woman on the stage, and the impatient bartender watching the clock.
Captain: (Singing BADLY) Stage FRIGHT, gO aWay, THIS IS myyyy BIG daYYYYY, this is my TIME to be a **puff puff** STARRRrrrr!
The power goes dead, leaving the Captain in silence.
Bartender: Ok, lady, It's closing time. Some people have to sleep you know.
Captain: SOME PEOPLE HAVE TO DRINK! (downs a glass of wine) And tHE FEELING I fEeL, I'ts ReaLLy UnrEAllll. THis is *the* tIme...
The bartender literally hurls Captain Napolipolita out of the Karaoke bar, and into the gutter.
Bartender: AND STAY OUT!!!! SLAM!!!!!
Captain: Ohhhh.... Things just can't get any worse...
The Captain's communication receiver beeps. Reluctantly, she answers it. D is visible in the window of the receiver unit, looking even worse for wear than the Captain.
D: Captain! I've got some bad news to report...
End of chapter 4.
Authors notes: Dave: Ahhh about the Ninja scene. Doesn't an alligator live in the fish pond.
Ed: They're cunning martial artists! This is how they train! Besides, wasn't Mr Turtle's collar in Kuno's room? Where's Mr Turtle? Huh?
Dave: Ahhhh maybe they never bothered to replace the colat. After all it was a gift from his pig tailed goddess. One minute why are we nit picking our own story. **Looks to readers** Thats your job.
Ed: That's right we love flame mail. You can contact us on :evagg@hubble.dialix.com.au
Dave: Thats the most pathetic attempt to get fan comments I've ever seen. Your Pathetic!
Ed: (annoyed) If you're gonna insult me, at least be original
Dave: Ugly, Stupid, Fat, Dopey, Over sized lubricated herpy, rectum faced pigmy, son of a motherless goat. Hows that for original.
Ed: pretty lame. I would have thought a Hentai like you could come up with better insults than that.
Dave: Hentai EAT THIS!! Shishi Houkou Dan!
Ed: HAHAHA YOU PUNY MORTAL!!!!!!! (Edd lives)
Dave: Not anymore (Hits Ed repeatedly over the head with Computer Monitor)
Ed is still alive.
SMASH BANG POW HURT!!!
Ed: (getting hurt) Stay... tuned... for chapter 5, Rumble in Nerima.
Ed, while recieving various blows reaches over to the alt X (Send Email key)