Graviton Sightseeing
A self insertion fanfic by Eddie Vagg
Project A-ko & characters are property of Soeishinsha/Final-Nishijima, Central Park Media/Island World Communications. Hyperguide is a trademark of Vanguard Media. This is a work of fanfiction for fun, so... Not for sale or rent.
Prologue: Ed: (Voiceover) It took me weeks, but I finally got it. As an A-ko fan, The Project A-ko Hyperguide was a holy grail. Sadly, It wasn't being distributed in Australia, let alone Canberra. Luckily, the local Cybercafe (where I get my Anime) was able to order it in. (And the screensaver too! Bonus!)
Little did I know what was in store for me... (Dramatic Music swells)
Ed: (thinking) Hey, check out these pictures! And it's got soundtrack songs! And what's this? (Reading packaging) <Bonus First Edition Colour Picture Disk & Interdimensional Travel!>
Ed: (startled) What?
Sure enough, the main menu screen has an Icon labelled "Interdimensional Travel, don't touch."
Ed: This I gotta see...
Click.
Ed is now standing on a long and winding road, a large bay before him. A city metropolis is built in the middle of the bay, and a large spaceship balances precariously on top of the tallest tower in the city.
Ed: (thinking) Wow! I'm really in Graviton City! (earth trembles)
SLAM!!!!
Ed goes flying.
A-ko: (over her shoulder) Sorry!
Catapaulted into the shrubbery, Ed nurses his wounds. Ed: S**t! Right in the middle of the street! I should have known better!
D: (also nursing her wounds.) Tell me about it...
Ed: (Thinking) Thank god I'm in the dubbed A-ko universe. Otherwise they'd be a language barrier. Well, rule number one of Time/Interdimensional travel states that I should NOT intervene with anyone, otherwise I risk causing a paradox or something. I'll have to keep that in mind...
Ed starts idly wandering toward the city.
Ed: (thinking) Ok, almost everybody will be at work, or school right now, so there's virtually no chance I will bump into, or interact with anybody major. Good.
Before long, Ed has crossed one of the Bay Bridges, and is now in Graviton's shopping district.
Ed: (thinking) I can't understand a word of these signs, so I'll just enter the shops at random.
Ed enters a shop.
Ed: Whoops!
The author is in a Porno Bookshop, Videos take up one wall, assorted marital aids take up a display cabinet.
A tall, handsome man wearing motorbike leathers clutches a stack of porno videos. He looks familiar.
Ed: (Forgetting about his rules of interdimensional travel) Hey Kei!
Kei looks up.
Ed: (Thinking) Well, no paradoxes have happened yet, hey wait! I can help solve everybody's problems! (outloud) Um... Kei, forget all about C-ko. She's not ready for romance. Go for A-ko! I've got a feeling about you two... And above all, NEVER marry B-ko. She's manipulative and extremely selfish.
Kei looks at Ed strangely.
Ed: (thinking) That's right! From the looks of things I'm between Project A-ko's 1 & 2. Kei dosen't meet A-ko and company till Project A-ko 3!
Ed: (embarrased) Well, think about what I have told you for the future. (chuckles nervously) Uh... Bye!
Walking along the street, Ed notices something strange. A van labled "Magami Party Entertainers" is parked out front of a costume store.
Ed: Whaaat!
Ed presses his face against the display window of the store. Inside the store A-ko's father is trying on a Spiderman costume, while A-ko’s mum eyes a Catwoman outfit.
A-ko's Dad: I'll take this one.
Shop attendant: O.K sir.
Ed: (thinking) Well, how about that! A-ko's parents are actually “normal”! I wonder just how she got her powers...
A-ko: Gee, I forgot to pack lunch again.
C-ko: Don't worry A-ko, I made you a lunch today!
A-ko: (thinking) Oh no!
Ed steps out from the bushes, brandishing a tray of Mod Burgers.
Ed: Here, A-ko! Uh... You don't know me, but you look kinda hungry.
A-ko: (doubtful) I dunno... I don't take food from strangers.
C-ko: (indignant) Besides A-ko likes my home cooking, not Junk Food. Isn't that right, A-ko?
A-ko: (grimacing) Uh...
Ed: (shrugs) O.K, your loss. Oh well. (looks dejected)
Ed slinks into the shrubbery, and trips over Ine, who’s hiding there.
Ed: Waaah!
Ine: Get OFF me you creep!
Ed: Sorry! Whoops, I got food all over your Handicam. Let me wipe it off...
SLAM!!
B-ko and her gang are at one of the schools balconies, the view of the schoolyard below.
B-ko: And you say this stranger approached A-ko, then turned, and tackled you.
Ine nods, ashamed.
B-ko: IDIOT! You must take more care in your survailance in future. In the meantime... (turns to Asa and Mari) You two find this stranger, and follow him.
Asa: Yes Miss Daitokuji!
Mari: (Deep growl) Hnrrrr!
A wounded author staggers down the street.
Ed: (thinking) AAARGH! I could use a cold one. Wait, that looks like a Pub!
Ed enters the bar, and settles down on a stool.
Bartender: What can I get ya?
Ed: (hopefully) Carlton Cold.
Bartender: Nope, don’t have that one. Would you settle for a Fosters?
Ed looks pained.
Bartender: It IS full strength...
Ed: (sigh) O.K. Beggars can’t be choosers...
At that moment Captain Napolipolita crashes into the bar.
Captain: BOOZE!!!!
The bartender, recognising his frequent customer pulls out half a dozen bottles of wine, and a single glass.
Capatin: (sharply) Thank YOU very much!
Ignoring everyone else, The Captain sits down and starts skulling her liquor.
Ed: Hey! You’re the Captain!
Captain: (swig) Ex Captain. Go away.
Ed: (sigh) Yeah, life sucks dosen’t it? (swig)
Captain: (tilts head curiously) Hmmm?
Ed: It’s true, isn’t it? Just about how no matter how much you try, nothing goes as you plan. (swig) Sometimes there isn’t any point, is there?
The Captain refills her glass.
Captain: How true.
The Captain drains the glass with one gulp, then refills her glass again.
Asa and Mari huddle round the corner outside the bar.
Asa: It’s no good. We can’t see in there, and we are both underage. Wait, You look old enough, Mari!
Mari: (high pitched girly voice) Do you think so?
Asa: Yeah, sure you do. Just stride on in as if you own the place.
Mari: (high pitched voice) I’ll give it a shot...
CRASH! Forgetting to duck, Mari’s head puts a sizable dent in the door frame.
Mari: (Deep Growl) Grrr.... Sorry.
Ed: Holy Sh... Uh... Bartender, that girl is only 16 years old. You’d better tell her to leave.
Bartender: Speak for yourself... What you like to drink, sir?
Mari: Mam! (looks girlish) I’d like a Lemon Squash, please.
Mari sits at a table, pulls out a newspaper, and peers over it at the author.
Ed: (thinking) Now I’m scared. What to do? I know.. I’ll make a (outloud) RUN FO IT!
Ed springs from his stool, and dashes out the door. Mari, ever alert, tackles the author, crushing him.
Mari: (high pitched voice) You’re dead and you don’t even know it yet.
Ed: Aaargh....
Asa: Mari! Can’t you do anything right? We were supposed to WATCH him. Miss Daitokuji won’t be very happy.
Ed: (gasp) My Medicare number is in my wallet...
The Author falls unconcious.
It is now nighttime, tacky neon lighting from the soon to be opened Spaceship-Hotel resort bathes Gravitron City in an unearthly glow. A-ko and C-ko are in casual clothes, and are treading the footpath, set for a night on the town. (The usual, movies, then icecream.)
C-ko: I’m so very happy you ate my lunch A-ko. It’s a shame though you didn’t finish it...
A-ko: Huh? I was afraid it would finish me!
C-ko: Didn’t you like my food? I cooked it just for you, A-ko!
A-ko: Well... Ahhh... (thinking) What can I say to C-ko without hurting her feelings?
Distracted, A-ko trips over Ed, who is still lying unconcious on the footpath.
A-ko: Hey!
Ed awakens.
Ed: (Grumpy) Oh for Christ’s sakes..
A-ko: Sorry... You’re that guy who offered me lunch today, aren’t you. (thinking) That poor man... Lying on the pavemant like that...
C-ko: Come on A-ko, the movie’s on soon...
Ed: Yeah, that’s me. I’m Eddie.
A-ko: I’m A-ko... But you already knew that, didn’t you?
C-ko: A-ko...
Ed: (Thinking) Whoops! I’d better not let on that I’m real and she’s just an Anime character. (outloud) Uh.. Well, I heard your friend mention your name. (phew!)
A-ko: My friend? Oh, this is C-ko.
Ed: (extends his hand) Glad to meet you, C-ko.
C-ko: (snaps) A-ko, IT’S TIME FOR THE MOOVEEE!!!!
A-ko:(blushes) C-ko!
Ed: (also embarrased) Don’t worry, A-ko, she’s right. I’m holding you guys up. I’d better get going anyway, long drive home. Y’know. Well, Seeya!
Ed turns with a move that was supposed to be heroric, but bumps into a signpost, ruining the moment.
Ed: D’oh!
A-ko giggles.
C-ko: Grrr...
Ed: I’ll see you soon. (thinking) After all, I have all six Project A-ko videos at home...
A-ko: Yeah, ok. (notes C-ko impatiently tugging at her arm.) Bye!
As A-ko and C-ko disappear round the corner, the Author ponders the days events so far...
B-ko: Who is that stranger, and why is he gazing into space like that?
Ed: Hey! Check it out! A genuine EDF Airship! I wonder what the scrolling message is? (Reading Electronic Billboard) <Spaceship Hotel due to open in only 7 days.> (Thank God for subtitles!)
Ed: Cool!
All of a sudden, Ed looks worried.
Ed: (thinking) Uh oh... Just realised, I have no idea how to get back home. Well, I can try this...
Ed turns around on a spot, and clicks his heels together.
Ed: There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home. DAMN!!!!
B-ko: It’s a good thing I split up the team for surveilance. (into radio) Mari, good job.
Mari, hiding conspicuously in a phone booth, nods back.
The next day...
It is a typical morning in classrom 2-E.
Miss Ayumi Sensei: (reading from textbook) For days and days the millionaire’s assistant impetuously chases the moon...
A-ko and B-ko, both wearing torn uniforms from the morning’s fight are silent, and scowling. C-ko is preoccupied in watching the learner Mecha pilots out the window.
C-ko: I want to have a go with those neat robots!
The Author clutches the iron bars of the school gates, and stares wistfully at the same Mecha Education class.
Ed: (thinking) Gallantry Training Mecha! To pilot one of those... Problem. I’m not a student of Gravitron High School for Girls...
I’VE GOT IT!
Ed ducks behind a bush, and re-emerges dressed in a girls school uniform.
Ed: (thinking) It’s a good thing I’m stuck in a comedy anime universe where characters can conjure up props where appropirate... (Let’s forget I’m real for this hole in the plot...)
Ed approaches the class.
Instructor: Ok, who’s next? Ed: (Waving hand like crazy, and using a bad falsetto) Me! Pick ME!!!
Instructor:Well... Ok... But I don’t remember seeing you before. Ed: (falsetto) I’m new to this school.
Instructor: (thinking) That 5 O’Clock shadow is even worse than Mari’s! (outloud) Climb right in.
Ed climbs a step ladder into the cockpit of the Gallantry.
The class chuckles at the author’s hairy legs.
Ed: Allright!
The arms of the Gallantry move into position, cradling an imaginary gun pod.
Ed: (over loudspeaker) Prepare to die, Zentraedi scum bucket! Hahaha!
Instructor: (Annoyed) Quit fooling around! Ok, bring it up in line with this other unit over there...
Ed’s Mecha takes a few unsteady steps.
Ed: Whoaa! How do you stop this thing?
Instructor: Just check your mirrors, and gently apply the brakes.
Ed: Huh?
Instructor: THE BRAKES, STUPID!
Ed: Ok, I’ll just pull this lever...
The Gallantry gains momentum, heading for the school boundry. The quick thinking instructor leaps into a spare Gallantry Mecha.
Instructor: Stop your Mecha now, or you will fail the semester!
Ed: (pulling all the levers in sight) I’m trying!
Running even faster, the Gallantry flattens the school gates. The instructor chases after Ed, who is now panicking.
Ed: AAARGH!
Instructor: Damn! Don’t panic. Just press the emergency shutdown switch!
Ed: (Scanning control panel) I can’t see it anywhere!
CRASH THUD!
Ed is thrown from the Gallantry at almost 80 kph, as the mecha trips into a missile crater from A-ko & B-ko’s morning’s fight.
Instructor: (to an unconsious Ed) That’s a zero for you, missy!!!
Ed: (thinking) That’s a glorious view. Too bad for the city when the spaceship finally falls off that perch...
One of the bushes, with a boom mike projecting from it tiptoes inconspicuously towards the author.
Ed: What the...
Curious, Ed approaches the moving bush, and peers into it. Ume is huddled in the bush with some sound equipment.
Ed: Hello Ume. Tell B-ko I’m not getting involved in any of her hairbrained schemes. Also, tell her to lighten up a little. Have a good one!
B-ko: HOW DARE HE! Nobody humiliates me and get’s away with it! He MUST be destroyed! Mari, you know what to do. DON’T let me down.
Mari: (salutes) Grrr!
Thunder rumbles in the distance, and rain starts to fall at Ed’s place. The rain soon reaches downpour level, soaking the garden.
Ed is back is the city, bemoaning his lack of accomodation.
Ed: (thinking) How Ironic! A 30 000 room hotel is right above me, but it’s not open for another 6 days! Well, I’m not sure how I spent last night, (forgot to write that bit) but I’m not spending another night in amnesia.
Maybe I can find a motel or a youth hostel. I hope I have more luck than Mum did when she visited Japan. (Private family joke)
Ed’s monologue is interrupted by a large shadow.
Mari: (Girly voice) Found you! Let’s rumble!
Ed: S**t! Ahhh... Let’s not and just say we did...
Mari: (GRRR) (Girly voice) You don’t have a choice. Say your prayers!
Mari launches into her infamous “flashing fists of fury” about a thousand punches a second.
Mari: Hiyayayayayayaya! THUD.
A-ko stands defiantly between Mari and the grateful author, having caught Mari’s fist. A-ko then picks up Mari, and hurls her into a nearby dumpster.
A-ko: What a bully!
Ed: Whoa! Thanx!
A-ko: You’re not hurt?
Ed: (dryly) Nah. Not this time.
A-ko: It’s a good thing C-ko and I were passing by! I’d invite you to tag along but...
C-ko: (protectively cuddles A-ko) GRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!
Ed: C-ko? Don’t be jealous of me! I wanna be your friend! Look. I brought you a present.
C-ko: Grrrrrrr....
Ed whips out a backpack, shaped like a Koala.
Ed: Here C-ko, lets’s make peace. I brought this along just for you.
C-ko: (sudden mood change) Look A-ko, how cute! A Koala Backpack!
A-ko: That was very thoughtful of you, Eddie.
Ed: (gloating) It was, wasn’t it! Seriously, I thought C-ko might like it.
C-ko: Thank you! I’ll cook you a lunch tomorrow if you like!
Ed: (looking sick) Gee... that’s very generous of you...
CRR-CRACK!!!!
A lightning bolt strkes a tree, which splits in two. The struck tree brings down a power line, cutting the power supply to Ed’s house.
Ed’s computer, still running the Project A-ko Hyperguide winks out.
Ed suddenly appears in front of his computer.
Ed: Home! Fantastic to be back! I wonder how much time has passed since I left....
Now, to load up the Project A-ko Screensaver. I wonder what lies in store for me?
The End.
You can send flame mail to: evagg@hubble.dialix.com.au
Thank you for reading.