The plot, or rather the thinly disguised sequence of events engineered to pit man versus arachnid, involves a small town on the brink of death. Driven practically to the brink of extinction by a crooked, ostrich farming Mayor, the only hope for the town lies in the form of David Arquette (I know...I'd move, too.), the heir to the mine that was once the town's lifeblood. Arquette returns to town, hoping not only to find hidden gold in them thar hills, but also to woo his longtime unrequited love, the sexy town sherrif played by the stunning Kari Wuhrer.

All sounds fairly benign until you add in the sheriff's brainy son, who happens to have a reclusive friend who runs a spider-farm out of his shack. Toss in a displaced barrel of mutative radioactive goo, upon which these eight-legged critters have been feeding, and suddenly the little-town melodrama gives way to the sci-fi shlcock action we all paid our seven-ten bucks to see. And while it ain't high art, I sure wish the producers of REIGN OF FIRE could have paid a little attention to this flick.

The spiders are terrific and various, from a leaping species who very enjoyably tackle a motocross gang, to the spindly web-spinners who start cocooning townsfolk as food for the monstrous queen. Eventually of course, the humans make their way into battle with this queen, resolving a few of their little problems along the way, but who cares? The humans aren't the stars here (although Doug E.Doug shines as a paranoid radio show operator, convinced the spiders are aliens). It's giant spiders we want, and it's giant spiders we get. Yes, it's low concept and yes, it'll drift out of your mind half an hour out of the theatre just like the airy popcorn in your gut. But it's FUN. Good old-fashioned giant-monster fightin' fun. No pretentions, no angst, no lessons. Turn off your brain and live a little.

Go on. You know you want to.

Review copyright 2002, The Visitor.

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