Starring Phil Caracas, Maria Moulton, Murielle Varhelyi, Ian Driscoll, Josh Grace, Jeff Moffet. Directed by Lee Demarbre, 2001.
Filmed on a non-budget in Ottawa, Canada, Lee Gordon Demarbre's first full length feature (he previously directed the short featurette HARRY KNUCKLES AND THE AZTEC MUMMY, available now as part of a Troma short collection) follows the adventures of the Lord as he battles the forces of evil, and it's really not half as heretical as it sounds. In fact, whether intentional or not, it actual ends up being sort of, well...inspirational.
As the film starts, we meet a couple of priests who have conscientiously noticed the disappearance of a number of lesbians from their flock (just bear with me, here...). Having apparently discovered that vampires are the cause, they seek out the aid of Jesus, who is happily baptising his followers at a local beach, and preparing to make his Father's kingdom here on Earth. He's hesitant to get involved until a trio of lady vamps attack, in broad daylight no less, killing the priests and getting JC in the mood for some action. One song and dance routine later (no, really!) Jesus gets set up in town and pairs up with a sexy gunsel calling herself Mary Magnum, to begin tracking the vampires.
The vampires are being led by a madman called Doctor Praetorius (presumably named for the evil scientist of the same name in BRIDE OF FRANKENSTEIN), who has perfected a scientific method of protecting the vampires from daylight. He and the two chief bloodsuckers, Maxine Shreck (who gets her name from the actor Max Shreck from NOSFERATU) and Johnny Golgotha, make things tough for the saviour. Acting on advice from his Father, Jesus calls in Mexican wrestling legend El Santos for aid, and the battle truly begins.
I don't want to give away too much, on the off chance you may actually track down a copy of this film for viewing (if interested, click on the banner for Odessa Filmworks on my link page). But despite itself, it actually works. The performances are, of course, quite amateur, but A for effort all around. And the script is the real gem, being almost shockingly good for a born and bred b-movie like this. Jesus comes off quite well in the movie, like a good guy who's just trying his best. He gets some terrific lines...when beset by an almost unending army of enemy Atheists ('you don't know us because we've never talked to you' they proudly taunt), Jesus just balls up his fists and boasts "Let's get on with the conversions!"
I don't want to pump this up TOO much...it is, when all is said and done, an amateur film made on virtually no budget. It's tongue is firmly in cheek all throughout, but in just the right way. Jesus is poked fun at, but never made a fool of. Demarbre has respect for his script, his subject, and all the chop-socky action b-pix and wrestling opuses that he borrows from. Even the music is pretty damn good.
Currently shooting a full-length Harry Knuckles sequel, Demarbre is starting to make noise as a filmmaker. JCVH played Cannes, and wins accolades and devoted fans at every film festival screening. You might want to pay some attention to this one while you can still seem cool for doing so, because in all likelihood? One day JESUS CHRIST VAMPIRE HUNTER will be talked about the same way people talk about CLERKS or EL MARIACHI. As the one that started a career. And damn, I think it's gonna be a fun career to watch.
Review copyright 2002 The Visitor
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