Back in her lukewarm years, Alicia Witt paid the rent by playing lounge piano in a fancy L.A. hotel bar. "I was a skinny girl with long red hair, so people would assume I was sweet and innocent. I got asked to play 'Misty' a lot, and the theme from Cats. " If those requests weren't indignity enough, Witt sys she didn't Feel sweet, so I just couldn't stand the condescending looks" from customers. Since breaking out in the sitcom Cybill as sassy daughter Zoey, she's shaken the innocent image by (a) posing in underwear for the cover of a men's magazine, (b) playing a call girl and doing a striptease in an L.A. play this summer and (c) staring down Michael Imperioli's unibrow and disrobing for a Sopranos role as a Hollywood executive who's more ruthless than the Mafia. (Hot Career Move for a Sitcom Actress: Nudity.) With Shirley Manson and Gillian Anderson, she completes a troika of modern redhead sirens, and Witt's Goth-girl deadpan and native hauteur seem to claw at the bug eyes of Lucille Ball's Kooky archetype.
     Witt dives deeper into Hollywood satire in John Waters' new film, Cecil B. DeMented, playing Cherish, a dimly talented porn star who's part of a cult of violent and insane underground filmmakers. But then, even in the piano bar, she broke the rules: "I had one guy who gave me $100 every time I played an Elvis song. So, naturally, I kept playing Elvis songs."
     "Cecil B. DeMented" really makes fun of modern Hollywood, doesn't it?
     As well it should. Hollywood is completely ridiculous. People make the most stupid movies and act like they're going to change the world or something.
     There are some specific targets, like "Forest Gump" and "Godzilla." Do you think "Cecil" will hurt anyone's feelings?
     As in any good satire, everything is way over the top. The studio executives are extra stupid [laughs]. It also makes fun of the indepentent-filp people who act like their film is the most important thing ever.
     There's a scene in which you sit in a porno theater and watch yourself having sex with a gerbil. Was that a weird day?
     It was the most surreal experience I've ever had making a movie. There were about twenty-five male extras scattered through the theater, which is an actual porno theater in Baltimore. John had directed them to jerk off in an exaggerated way ? whole rows of seats were shaking. And of course the theater itself was gross. It's the kind of place where you want to check the seat before you sit down, or you'll find a little surprise. A friend once lent me several of his prized Traci Lords videos. I've never found porn to be so erotic. I'm always intrigued when a guy friend tells me he can get off to it.
     You were home-schooled by your parents, and I keep reading stories about how brilliant you are. Are you really that smart, or just smart compared to the rest of Hollywood?
     If you're an actor and you have a good head on your shoulders, which I do, there's a tendency for people to assume you must be incredibly bright. Which I'm really not. I'm just not stupid.
     You grew up in Worcester, Massachusetts. Is there a worse city in the world?
     Well, it's pretty quiet. I'm not gonna rag Worcester in a national publication. Lets just say I was very anxious to move to Los Angeles.
     Now please tell me about the gerbil.
     I've been pretty fortunate with my onscreen pairings, and that was no exception. He was a very special gerbil.

     -- Rob Tannerbaum

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