Joan Collins
Reviewed by Lisa Warrington
In this, her third novel, Joan Collins sticks firmly to the rule "write what you know". The heroine of this little confection is Katherine Bennet, star of an American Dynasty-clone soap opera, in which she plays the arch-villainess ex-wife of a vain and elderly TV hero. She's famous, gorgeous and rich, and aging well without benefit of plastic surgery. But life ain't all beer and skittles for the blessed amongst us. Somone is planting vicious rumours about her in the gossip rags. Could it be her saintly blonde co-star, former British child star (and full time bitch) Eleonor Norman?
Katherine soon meets her nemesis in the form of main squeeze, Jean-Claude Valmer - we know he's French, because he says "cherie" and "zut!" at regular intervals. Jean-Claude is a god in the sex department (every time, it's "a glorious act of passion and commitment"), but it takes a surprising half of the novel before we get any bedroom action - and then the description is so tame that it seems almost the coy equivalent of the tasteful fade out.
Still, all is not lost. You can pick up a few tips on how to dress for all occasions, and what to eat to make sure the camera doesn't add that ten pounds of unsightly flab. There are some handy hints on how to deal with stardom and those pesky fans - the best disguise involves a full length "fat" body suit and a false rubber nose. See what we make those celebrities suffer? And you'll learn more than you ever wanted to know about how rich show biz folk (mis)handle their business affairs.
The plotting is thin, the characters are obvious, and you'll guess the ending, but if you want a lightweight easy read, you could do a lot worse than Too Damn Famous. At least Joan Collins has a sense of the ridiculous.
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