Something That Was Meant To Be

“But hey, hey, what do I know. I’m just the lonely fool that let you go...”

The words blared from my CD player. How true they were. I didn’t know how I’d ever get through this. How could I have done such a stupid thing? Brandon and I had been going out for 5 1/2 of the most wonderful months of my life and I let him slip through my fingers. All because I thought that some Junior with a cute smile and car was going to sweep me off my feet. Could I have been any more stupid? I didn’t think so. And when Brandon asked some other girl out four days after we had broken up I knew all those times he said that he had loved me had been a lie. And for a while I had thought when I said them they were a lie, now I knew the truth. I loved him, for some reason I was hopelessly in love with him. And now that he’s gone I just don’t know what to do.

My many friends offered support and a shoulder to cry, but it didn’t help. It was really nice of them, but no one seemed to understand what I was feeling or the way I kicked myself every, single day for it. Not to mention that lately I didn’t feel like I was part of the group anymore, my friends were great, but I didn’t think I fit in. When I thought things couldn’t get any worse, I got some huge news, and I didn’t know how to deal with it.

“Kelli, get off the phone, we need to talk to you.” My mom yelled up the stairs.

“Bailey, I gotta go, I’ll call you right back. Bye.” I said to my best friend Bailey.

As I walked down the stairs my brother and sisters were already sitting on the couches in the living room.

“What’s this, a family meeting?” I asked, sarcastically.

“Actually, yes it is. Your father has something he needs to talk to us about.” My mom said, looking completely serious. A million thoughts went through my mind, someone died, his diabetes was worse, and then he told us, we were going to move. All the way to Massachusetts. My father and my grandpa (his boss) hadn’t been getting along and he found a dealership in a beautiful suburb in Massachusetts that he felt he’d have better opportunity at. So we were going to pack up and move after the end of the school year. In a month and a half. My 13 year old sister protested with my 11 year old sister, my brother didn’t understand, and I didn’t know what to do. So I cried. Something I had become very accustomed to in the last few months. I didn't say anything, I just ran up to my room and went to sleep.

*~*~*~*~*

I continued the next few weeks as if nothing was different. Some people said I was a little quieter than usual, but nothing big. And then I did what I always do, I began to see all the great things about my friends, and began to feel more in place with all of them. I always see the good in things as soon as it’s gone. For example, my friend Amber always was so nice to me and really seemed interested in my life, and Nicole was so much fun to talk with, then Debi and I could share our love of hatred for the male species, Libby and Casey always made me laugh, Brenda was always so sweet, Rachel is SO much fun, Adam (Bailey’s boyfriend) and I had that “Secret Affair” that we kidded about, and Bailey was my best friend in the whole world and I’d never been so close with anyone. There were many more friends with many more qualities, but now I was going to have to leave them. I guess I must have had a spacey look on my face at the table that Friday because my thoughts were interrupted.

“Kelli? Hello, earth to Kelli.” Nicole was waving her hand in front of my face.

“What?”

“Are you going to go tonight, to the movies?” She repeated.

“Oh, yeah, OK. Um, guys, I have something I need to tell you, it’s, well, kind of important.” Then I told them everything, how I was moving in a month, and how I’d miss them so much. At the end I was bawling, and most of them were too. The next month went by in a blur.

*~*~*~*~*

“I just can’t believe that next week at this time you’ll be gone. Kelli, you’ve gotta write me and call me and stuff.” Bailey was saying. She had taken me out to one last dinner at a Chinese restaurant in remembrance of our love of fried rice and all the experience we had with it.

“I know. I’m so sad, but so excited. Um, I wrote this letter for Brandon, can you read it for me?”

“Sure.” So I gave her my letter and she read it, instantly I saw her eyes tear up.

“Kelli, that’s great. I’m sure he’ll care, I know he will. But it’s a great letter, no matter what. Well, we probably should get going to your house. What will I do this summer without my cot and living in your house (we have this inside joke that she was going to buy a cot and just live at my house all summer)?” She asked, half serious.

“I’m sure you’ll manage. Believe me, if I could stay, I would. Yeah, lets vamos ahora mismo.” She laughed at my attempt at humor by saying things in Spanish like we always do and we left.

I was surprised to find all the lights off at my house when I got back, so we walked upstairs and as I flipped a switch I was greeted with a loud “SURPRISE!” All of my closest friends were gathered in my kitchen throwing me a surprise going away party. I burst into tears. They all had momentous and great gifts and all left crying, giving me a hug and saying how much they’d miss me. When the door closed Bailey and I went upstairs and had our last night in my room staring at the now blank walls sharing memories we’d acquired in the past two years. The next morning we packed up the finishing things and got into our cars and said good-bye to my grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and our friends that had come to see us off, and headed for the interstate. Four days later we reached Capeside, Massachusetts.

*~*~*~*~*

“Mom, I’m going for a walk to see the neighborhood. I’ll finish unpacking later.” I said to my mom as I shut the door to my new house. I had to admit that this town was gorgeous, it was on a pretty creek and the houses were beautiful. I was walking along the creek when I saw him. The most gorgeous guy I'd ever seen. He had brown, spiky hair, bulging muscles, great abs, and was, from what I could tell, perfect. He was talking to another, good looking, blond guy. I decided I'd just walk by, not that they'd notice, no guy ever did.

"Hey!" The brunette shouted. I glanced around to make sure there was no one else he could be talking to. There wasn't.

"Hi!" I said, very unsure of myself. They got up and walked towards me. I thought I was going to faint.

"Hi, I'm Pacey. This is Dawson. Are you new here?" The brunette asked.

"Hi, I'm Kelli. Yeah, I just moved here from Nebraska." They asked me if I wanted to sit with them and of course I said yes. We'd been talking for what seemed like only minutes when Korin came up to us.

"Um, Kelli, mom said you need to come in and eat, and finish unpacking." She was staring intently at Pacey.

"Wow, dinner already? It doesn't seem like I've been here that long."

"Time flies when you're having fun," Pacey smiled. He had the best smile.

"Yeah, it does. Well, I guess I'll see you guys around."

"Kelli, Pace-uh, I mean, we were wondering if you wanted to go to the movies later. It'd be me, Joey (his girlfriend), Pacey and you." I liked the way that sounded, Pacey and you.

"Sure, when?" I said, probably a little too eagerly. I glanced at Korin and she was gawking in amazement.

"I can pick you up around 6:30, if that's OK, I mean." Pacey said looking straight at me with his beautiful blue eyes.

"That's great, I live right there," I said, pointing to my house.

"I know, I saw you walk out of it. OK, see you in about an hour," he said, looking at his watch. Omigosh! One hour! I'd never be ready.

"OK, bye."

"He's so hot." Korin mumbled under her breath as we walked away.

"I know! And he asked me out! Sort of..." We both started laughing and went inside. I told my mom of my eventful afternoon and she agreed to let me go. I practically inhaled my dinner and went upstairs to get ready. Right as I was putting on the finishing touches of my jewelry and spraying my perfume the doorbell rang.

"Kelli!" My brother yelled up the stairs. Pacey, Dawson and a girl whom I assumed was Joey were standing in my living room.

"Kelli, this is Joey. Joey, Kelli." Dawson said.

"Hi. Pacey, Dawson, and Joey, this is my mom, my sisters, Korin and Maggie, and my brother Kirk. My dad's still at work." They all said hi and then we headed toward the movie theater. Walking there was kind of strange, since we drove everywhere in Omaha. But believe me, I enjoyed every minute of it.

*~*~*~*~*

"Kelli, are you OK?" Pacey asked, looking concerned.

"Yeah, sorry. These kind of movies always make me cry." I felt so dumb, no one else seemed even the least bit phased by the movie, but of course, I was blubbering away.

"Oh, I see. Hey, do you guys want to go get something to eat?" Pacey asked.

"Joe, we needed to go early, didn't we. Let's go now." Dawson gave her a funny look, and she gave him one back.

"No we didn't," she said. Dawson opened his eyes really wide at her, looked at Pacey, then at me, and back at her.

"Oh, yeah, I forgot." Joey said. She gave me this half smile and they said bye and left.

"Um, did you wanna go get something? If you don't that's fine, it's just that-"

"Yeah, that'd be fun." I interrupted. We smiled at each other and he slipped my hand into his, stopped and stared at me, then backed away. We walked to a little ice cream shop, got our ice cream, and sat down.

"So, is there some guy you left back home crying for you right now?" Pacey asked seriously.

"Well, there are guys back home, even some I left, but I doubt any of them are crying."

"Are you?" He asked, staring right into my eyes.

"Do I look like I am?" I asked, beaming.

"Well, not really. So, you really don't have a boyfriend?"

"Not the last time I checked. Do you, have a girlfriend I mean?" I silently prayed and right about half way through my prayer the door burst open.

"Pacey Witter! What the hell is going on? I leave for one week and I find you in here with some other girl when I get back early?" An angry blond girl said, standing at the end of our table with her arms crossed. I look at Pacey, then at her, and back at Pacey.

"I don't believe this!" I cried, and with that I ran out of the door. I heard him scream, 'Kelli, wait, I can explain.', but I didn't care.

When I got home my mom asked how it was and I just ran to my room and sobbed. We had hit it off so well, and he actually seemed to like me. I couldn't believe he didn't tell me he had a girlfriend. How could he do that? I quickly picked up the phone to dial Bailey's number when I realized where I was, in Massachusetts. I couldn't just call her whenever I had a bad day. She was thousands of miles away. I'd never missed Nebraska so much.

*~*~*~*~*

"Kelli?" My mom said. I quickly shut my diary.

"What?"

"Come downstairs please." I followed her down the stairs to see Pacey standing in the doorway.

"Can I talk to you?" He asked in such a low voice I could barely hear him.

"Yeah." I lead him outside to the swing in our backyard and sat down facing him, "I'm listening."

"Kelli, before I explain, I just wanted to say that I really like you." My heart jumped, but I gave him a look of disbelief. "I do. OK, that girl that came in was my girlfriend, Ande. We hadn't been getting along very well lately and she left for a trip, and the second I saw you today, I forgot all about her. Until tonight. When I held your hand I wanted so badly to kiss you, but something stopped me. It clicked that I couldn't do that, I already had a girlfriend. And even though I was planning to end it with her I couldn't kiss you until I did that. It wouldn't be right. So I knew I had to tell you, I just didn't know how. As you probably could tell, I asked Dawson to have him and Joey leave so that I could be alone to tell you. And I swear I was just going to when she walked in. I am so sorry, and I hope I didn't hurt you. Um, and by telling you this I'll look like a huge idiot if you don't feel the same way, but I told Ande that things weren't going to work out between us and I wanted to try things with you. So, I'm currently single. And I like you a lot. I doubt you like me very much right now, but I had to tell you. So, um, bye." He started to get up.

"Wait! Where are you going?"

"Home. I just came to tell you my side of the story, and I did, you don't seem to impressed, not like you should be, so I see I've made a fool of myself, so I'm going."

"No you didn't. Sorry I didn't react right away, I needed some time to process all of that. To make sure you really said you like me and that I wasn't hallucinating. Pacey, I like you a lot, too. So, you didn't make a fool of yourself, in fact, I'd say you did just about the exact opposite." I didn't know what else to say after that, so I just hugged him. At first I didn't know if he'd care or not, but he seemed as if he wanted to hold on just as tight as I did. At that moment nothing else mattered. The world could've ended tomorrow and I couldn't have died happier. I felt so safe and protected with his strong arms around me and I never wanted to let go. Unfortunately I had to.

"Kelli, you need to get inside. It's pretty late." My mom yelled out the door.

"Can we stay out here and talk? We'll be right here. I won't leave. Please?" I begged.

"All right, but if I look out my window I expect to see you right there. And I don't wanna see anything else either, OK?" She said, only half serious.

"Goodnight mom!" I yelled to her.

*~*~*~*~*

I'm not sure how long he stayed over, but he was still there when the sun rose. We talked about everything. He told me about his family. His father was the sheriff of Capeside and thought Pacey was a complete failure, his brother, Doug, was his dad's deputy and agreed with his father about him, his two sisters were really nice to him, but they both moved out and got married, and then his mom loved him a lot, but could never stick up for him when his father said things to him. I told him about my family and how we were basically normal with occasional fights. Then we talked about our friends and he told me how Dawson and Joey had been his best friends for as long as he could remember. I told him about me and Bailey, and how she'd been the only one who'd ever really understood me and close we were. It was great, we laughed, we cried, it seemed perfect. Like something out of a dream.

"Wow, it's 5:30 in the morning, I should probably go home. I had a lot of fun. You're really great to talk to, Kelli."

"You're really great too, and I had a lot of fun also. I should probably get inside too. So, I guess I'll talk to you later?"

"Yeah, I call you when I wake up. Which reminds me, can I have your number?"

"Oh, sure," I ran inside, wrote it for him, and ran back out. "Here."

"Thanks, see ya later." He gave me a kiss on the cheek and with that I said good-bye and went inside. And I slept better than I had in weeks.

I finally drug myself out of bed at 2:00 and I called Bailey and told her what all had happened. She was really excited for me and insisted that I send a picture of him. She told me how things were really weird with out me and how she missed me a lot. It made me sad, but yet it felt good to be missed. I told her I missed her too and I'd call her as soon as anything "note-worthy" happened.

*~*~*~*~*

The next couple of weeks whizzed by and I spent a lot of time with Pacey, Joey, and Dawson. But mostly with Pacey. Yet, for some reason, he still hadn't asked me out. It upset me a little, but I didn't press it, I knew he must have a reason. And I didn't want to rush it like I've done before. In fact, nothing really note-worthy even happened until three weeks later. But that didn't even concern Pacey. Well, in a way, I guess it did.

*Ring, ring* "Hello?" I answered.

"Is Kelli there?" The voice on the other end asked.

"This is." It was a male voice, but I didn't know who. It wasn't Dawson, and Pacey was sitting next to me.

"Kelli, hi, do you know who this is?" My heart jumped into my throat. I knew exactly who it was. I couldn't speak.

"Kelli? It's Brandon."

"I know," I whispered. It was all I could say.

"Geez, I thought you'd be more happy to hear from me."

"Oh, pardon me for not jumping with joy. What do you want?" I had regained my composure and was furious. What nerve! How could he just call me up like this, and then expect me to rejoice when he does it.

"Well, I called to tell you hi. And to ask you how you like Massachusetts, and to, uh, tell you I got your letter." Oh my God! The letter. I'd completely forgotten.

"Oh, you did?"

"Yeah. Kelli, I do care. About you I mean. And when I told you for 5 1/2 months that I loved you, I meant it. I asked Dana out to make you jealous and I didn't have the nerve to dump her."

"Well it worked."

"I was a jerk to you, I know that-"

"Yeah, you were."

"Well, I wanted to apologize. And to tell you I really miss you. And that I loved you too." With that I lost it. I was hysterically bawling. Pacey had been giving me a questioning look, but now just put his arms around me.

"Kelli, are you OK?" Pacey and Brandon asked simultaneously.

I shook my head, "Not really. How could you say that Brandon? Just call me up when I'm thousands of miles away and tell me that. I was so happy here and I'd finally found a way to get over you and I don't think about you anymore. Then you call and tell me this."

"Uh, no offense, but you did it first." He was getting defensive.

"Listen, it's really nice that you still care about me, but I'm in Massachusetts. What good could've come out of this. When I sent that letter to you it was my closure, I knew you had a girlfriend and from your previous actions I didn't expect you to give a rat's ass about it. I'm sorry that you did. And I shouldn't have sent it. But you definitely shouldn't have called. As much as I thought I loved you, I don't think I do anymore. And I'm sorry, and I know that hurts, believe me, it sucks to have the tables turned doesn't it. But I just can't talk to you. I really am sorry though."

With that I hung up the phone and cried. Right in Pacey's arms. He asked me what had happened and I explained my whole Brandon problem to him. And I told him how much that Brandon had hurt me. Pacey was really caring, and understanding. He also said Brandon must have been a big idiot to not understand what a great thing he was giving up, and when he realized it, it was too late. He also said that he didn't want to realize that I was the right one for him too late and he asked me out. Of course, I said yes. And I knew he was the one that I loved (even though it'd only been 3 weeks I had this feeling, and I just knew) and I understood why we had moved. It was for me to find him. All the pain I had felt the last seven months was so I could now appreciate the happiness and love I was going to feel for the rest of my life. I guess it's like they say, some things are meant to be.

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