Those Uncontrollable Urges

        Author: L.J. Broom
        Series: TNG
        Part: NEW
        Rating: [PG-13]
        Codes:P/C

        DISCLAIMER: Paramount owns all the characters and other Star Trek stuff, but they don't own my mind or imagination. This is done purely for personal pleasure not personal gain.

       The passages at the beginning of each section are written and performed by Máire Brennan, taken from the 'Máire' CD. The titles are 1. Cé Leis 2. Beating Heart

       WARNING: This story contains spoilers for Star Trek : First Contact. (just in case there's actually someone out there who hasn't seen it yet)

Part One: A new life                          

Little how I knew your ways
I'm a fool
Still the fire in my heart
Never leaves me
Haunting me
Time past won't disappear
memories stay
Never to die
My heart will never change


Ten minutes after abandoning the ship, Beverly Crushers' escape pod landed on Gravett Island. There were five others in the pod, not a word had been spoken for the last 3 minutes, since the Enterprise self-destructed. All were silent while contemplating the destruction of the Enterprise-E, their only way home.

Beverly was the highest ranking officer in the pod and she knew that the crew needed something else to do than brood on the situation, she broke the silence.

"Well, the Enterprise is gone, we'll never forget her, but for now we must move on. We need to look to our own futures now. This Earth is less advanced than our own, but it's still Earth, still home. We will see history being made in the next 50 or so years, we may even get out to space again. Whatever happens we must accustom ourselves to living here and now. Ready?"

"Yes sir" they all replied in subdued tones.

"Everything will work out," she assured them "let's go!"

Beverly opened the hatch and stepped out onto the shores of their new home. She could see the other pods up and down the beach, and the crew making their way out carrying the survival kits and supplies they'd brought with them.

In the distance she could see Worf making his way down the beach, checking the pods as he went and giving instructions. She made her way over, they were the highest ranking officers here aside from the Captain, it would fall to them to get everything organized.

"Worf," she called out as she approached "what's the situation?"

"Everything is fine Doctor, there are a few injuries, but nothing major"

"Good" she replied.

"There should be a fairly large clearing about one hundred meters inland. It would be a good place to set up a camp. I have been directing everyone toward it" he continued.

"Okay, I'll supervise the setup, you continue to check the pods, they're probably be spread out for a couple of kilometers. I'll get the med. tent organized first."

"We'll also need communications, without the Enterprise we have none"

"Alright, report back as soon as all the pods have been accounted for"

"Understood" Worf replied continuing on his way.

Beverly headed up the beach, for the first time taking in her surroundings. It was very quiet in the early morning stillness, the sand beneath her feet was dry which made walking difficult, sea shells could be seen here and there. When she reached the top of the dune, she paused to look out at the ocean and the rising sun. The few lingering clouds on the horizon were tinted with orange, though they were dissipating quickly. Overhead the sky was slowly changing from dark purple to blue, it was going to be a beautiful day. She turned inland, below her she could see the fresh greenery of the tropical jungle and not too far away the clearing that Worf mentioned.

Despite all that happened to place them in this situation, she felt excited and ready for this new life. *Perhaps* she mused as she headed down to the clearing *now is the time to explore a deeper relationship with Jean-Luc. We no longer have the demands of our positions to prevent us, we'll be making a new life here, a new beginning. We could have a family and grow old together. Yes, I think we'll do just fine here, the possibilities are endless.*

She was smiling when she entered the clearing, a few others were already there setting up shelters. She happily delved into the task of setting up camp, her smiles and general cheerfulness helped to cheer the others. When Worf returned 15 minutes later the atmosphere in the clearing was very cheerful, people were laughing and chatting excitably as they went about their tasks. Worf scowled.

* * *

Captain Picard and Data looked around them, silently taking in the Borg tainted surroundings of engineering. *Geordi's going to love fixing all this up* he thought sarcastically. He looked at Data, they both turned and exited in unspoken agreement, there were other tasks to be done. When they were in the corridor he turned to Data.

"We'd best head up to the bridge and re-establish communications with the crew. The away team will be waiting for news and the evacuees will need to informed that we'll be going home after all".

"Yes sir" Data replied "Most of the engineering crew are still in Montana, we'll need to bring them back first, so they can start repairs"

"We'll need to make sure the flight went without trouble. I really envy Will and Geordi the chance they've had to take part in history."

"I'm sure they'll be telling us all about it for some time to come" Data said ruefully.

Picard laughed. "At least we'll be around to hear it" he replied as they entered the turbolift. "Bridge"



The turbo lift opened onto the bridge and they both stepped out. Picard paused for a moment to look around. *It's good to be back* he thought.

"Data, you work on getting communications back, I'll work on sensors. Let's see how much damage has been done."

"Yes sir"



A few minutes later Data spoke.

"Main computer and communications on line, Captain"

"Good, the damage to the ship isn't as bad as I feared, hopefully it will only take a few hours before we're ready to return home. Let's re-establish contact with away team. Are the transporters operational?"

"In a few minutes"

He tapped his comm badge "Captain Picard to Counselor Troi"

"Troi here, glad to hear from you sir, we were concerned when we lost communications with you"

"We had a little Borg trouble. How did the flight go?"

"Fine Captain, we had to tell Cochrane the truth of who we were before he'd go up, but otherwise everything went fine. They won't be landing for another half an hour or so."

"Okay can you get everyone together, we need the engineering staff back to start putting the ship back together, keep a few to monitor their return"

"Yes sir, one moment there's someone here"

In the background they could hear someone calling out for the Counselor. Picard grinned when he recognized the voice of Lily talking excitedly, telling Troi that the ship was destroyed. They could hear Deanna calming her down and assuring her that everything was alright, after a few moments silence they were again addressed.

"So Ahab," the familiar voice spoke "made it in one piece after all. Did you find your friend?"

"Yes Lily, everything is alright we were able to eradicate the Borg"

"I'm glad," she replied "so you'll be able to return home after all?"

"That's right, but not right away, we have some repairs to do first. We'll also take this opportunity to witness First Contact ourselves. I'll be beaming down later, see you then"

"Okay Ahab, I'll look forward to it"

"Captain," Data interjected "transporters are ready"

"Thankyou Data" he acknowledged " Counselor we're ready to begin transport. Have Mr Barclay be in the first group and tell him to report directly to the bridge on arrival. He'll be in charge until Mr La Forge has returned."

"Yes sir, they'll be ready in a few minutes"

"Away team to Enterprise" came the voice of Lt Barclay "first team ready to transport"

"You have a lock Mr Data"

"Yes sir"

"Energize"

* * *

Worf spied Dr Crusher across the clearing, she was talking to Alyssa Powell. They were laughing and appeared to be quite happy, he had a feeling that wouldn't last. He doubted Dr Crusher would take his news very well.

Beverly saw Worf making his way over to her, she excused herself from Alyssa and went over to him.

"Hello Worf, is everyone accounted for?," she didn't wait for his reply before continuing on "we only have a few minor injuries as you said, mostly just scrapes and bruises and one case of hayfever. Have you seen the Captain?"

Worf took her by the elbow and guided her a short distance away from the clearing, he didn't say a word. When they stopped Beverly turned to him with concern on her face.

"Worf, what is it?" she queried.

"Doctor, the Captain was not on any of the pods" he stated. He watched as first shock, then grief registered on her face. She turned away from him, her hands covering her face. "He must have stayed on the ship"

He saw her shoulders tremble, then heard her anguished sob. He was never comfortable in these situations, he fervently wished Deanna were here right now. He knew that the Captain and the Doctor were close. Stepping closer behind her he placed his hands on her shoulders and gently turned her around, hugging her to him as she cried heart brokenly against him.

He gently stroked her hair and after a few minutes her crying eased, then stopped.

"He died with honor" he said. With that she pushed away from him, anger evident on face now.

"That's irrelevant , Worf" she said vehemently, hitting her fist against his chest. "He didn't have to die at all. The days of a Captain going down with his ship are long behind us. His staying behind wasn't honorable, it was plain stupid. I can't believe he did that, we, his crew *need* him here with us now, to help guide us in the new lives we have to build here. His actions are purely selfish. I can never forgive him for this betrayal." she shouted at him, ending her tirade.

He looked at her with sympathy, almost understanding her feelings but unable to agree with her. He started to speak but was interrupted by the chirping of his communicator.

"Captain Picard to Lt Worf"

He watched as the Doctor tensed up at the sound of his voice, the blood draining from her face at the shock of hearing him.

"Worf here Captain, what has happened. We feared you were still on the Enterprise when it was destroyed." he responded.

"I was able, with Mr Data's assistance to overcome the Borg. We'll have a full briefing when everyone is aboard. Would you prepare everyone to be returned to the ship. Have Dr Crusher and her medical staff beam up first, there are some crew who hadn't been fully integrated into the collective and are in need of medical attention.

"Yes sir, right away...It is good to hear you sir."

"Thankyou Worf, it is a good day to be alive, Enterprise out."

Worf looked over to Beverly, she appeared to be more composed now, though still a little pale, which made the redness around her eyes more noticeable. She did not however looked pleased that the Captain was alive, she was still angry, even more so than before.

"Well, let's get to it" she said in a clipped tone as she turned and stalked back toward the clearing.

*I think the Captain has some explaining to do* he thought to himself as he followed after her retreating form.

* * *

Two hours after everyone had returned to the ship, the senior staff assembled in the observation lounge. No reference was made to the smashed glass of the display case, or the damaged models. Doctor Crusher was the last to enter and take her seat, she looked around the table, briefly acknowledged everyone before turning her gaze to her hands in front of her.

"Well," Picard started "first, let me say that it's good to see you all again." He turned his gaze to each of his command staff in turn, smiling warmly at them. Only Beverly did not return his acknowledgment, she just continued to look down, he frowned slightly then continued on.
"Number One, would you please start by telling us what happened on the surface after we lost contact"

"Yes sir" he replied and started the briefing.

Half an hour later the meeting was drawing to a close, Data and the Captain had explained what happened after the self destruct was activated, reports on the status of repairs had been given, only the medical report was waiting. Thus far Beverly hadn't said a word throughout the meeting, her report when delivered, was brief and to the point.

"We found six of our crew with implants still alive, three died while we attempted to remove them, two are in catatonic states and Ensign Gaines is conscious but extremely traumatized and uncommunicative. She will require extensive counseling as will the others if they regain consciousness. At this point we are unable to determine if or when that will be" she stated tersely, then fell silent, still not looking up.

"Counselor, have you had a chance to speak to Ensign Gaines" Picard asked in a strained voice, remembering his own assimilation by the Borg.

"Not yet Captain" she replied "I'll go down after the meeting"

"Very good, First Contact will take place in around three hours. I for one would like to be there to witness this historic event. Data, you will have command of the ship while we are on the surface. If the rest of you would like come, we will meet in transporter room 2 in two and a half hours. Dismissed." he finished.

As everyone stood to depart, Picard started over toward Beverly, but she departed quickly. He paused looking after her with some confusion, Deanna and Worf came to stand next to him.

"Deanna, is something wrong with Beverly?" he asked.

"I'm not sure Captain," she replied looking at him with concern "I can sense that she's distressed about something, I'll speak to her"

"Thankyou"



Deanna departed the conference lounge with Worf accompanying her. When they were in the turbolift Deanna turned to him. He was expecting this.

"Worf, what happened on the planet?" she asked. He paused for a moment before answering.

"We believed the Captain was dead" he said "all the escape pods were accounted for, but the Captain was not on any of them. We assumed he was still aboard the ship when it self-destructed."

"How did Beverly react?"

"Not well, she mourned for him, then became angry with him for staying behind without reason"

"Thankyou Worf" she smiled at him "that gives me a place to start"

"You are welcome, Deanna" he replied as they exited the turbolift. "I shall see you later" he said heading towards engineering. *I have done what I can, Deanna will take care of it now* he thought.


When Deanna entered sickbay she couldn't at first see Beverly, though she could sense some very strong emotions coming from the direction of the morgue. *She must be doing autopsies on the dead Borg. I'd better assess Ensign Gaines's condition first, then confront Beverly when things have quieted a little* she thought. She spotted Lieutenant Powell and went over to find out where Ensign Gaines was.

* * *

Beverly departed the conference lounge hurriedly when the meeting was concluded, she knew that Deanna or *Picard* would want to speak with her, but she didn't, couldn't just yet. She'd never been so angry in her entire life, she felt betrayed by the one person who she'd been certain would never leave her all alone. For those few minutes she *had* been alone, everyone she'd ever loved and cared for was gone.....Wesley was off exploring the universe with the traveller, her only remaining family now that Felicia Howard was gone. So many had gone over the years, Jack, Walker, every patient she'd ever lost, only he remained. She had a new family now on the Enterprise, but he was the center of that family, the one who kept them together and he had left them, her, alone.

She stormed into sickbay without looking at or acknowledging anyone, and went straight to the morgue. *Deanna will be here shortly, I'm sure and she'll try to speak to me. I won't, not now, maybe not ever. I'll keep busy until she's gone, the morgue is one place I know she won't be eager to follow me in.* she mused * I realize now, I've become to dependent on these people, a doctor must a maintain a degree of detachment from those under her care, I broke the cardinal rule, and look at what it has done, my thoughts are erratic, I can't concentrate on what I'm supposed to doing, I can't function like this.* "DAMMIT ! !" she exclaimed hurling the diagnostic tool in her hands across the room in frustration. She leaned against the wall behind her and slowly slid down until she was sitting on the floor, elbows braced against her knees, her head in her hands. She wept quietly. *What do I do now? I thought he was dead and part of me died too. Only he's not dead, unfortunately it's not so easy to resurrect the part of me that died. I can't go through that again. He nearly did die all because of his own actions, an accident in the line of duty I would learn to cope with, but his own foolish actions, I won't stand for it to happen again. Better if I continue on as though he had died, I can grieve and move on with my life, like I did after Jack. As soon as this is over, I can start over, put all this behind me. A totally clean break with Starfleet and everything associated with it, it has cost me too much over the years. It's for the best.* She was much calmer now, her professional Doctors' detachment firmly in place as she got up, walked over and retrieved the diagnostic tool, she continued with the autopsies of the dead Borg.


Deanna finished her session with Ensign Gaines and hour and a half later, some progress had been made, however it would be a long time, if ever before she resumed active duty. She felt for Beverlys' familiar presence with her mind, she was still in the morgue, although she was much calmer and more focused now, Deanna was not reassured. She could sense that the grief, anger and pain was being repressed, pushed as far from conscious thought as possible. There wasn't time to approach her now, they were due to beam down in 45 minutes and after the counselling session with Gaines she needed to relax a little first. She glanced in the direction of the morgue as she walked out of sickbay. *I'll talk to her later, when I'm not so fatigued. It won't be easy getting her to talk, she's very strong willed and stubborn, just like he (Picard) is* she thought with consternation.




Beverly finished the first autopsy, she sighed and reached her hand up to massage her neck.

"Computer, time please?" she asked.

"It is 18.30 hours"

*Right, half an hour til we beam down, I wonder if Deanna's still around to pounce on me*

"Crusher to Powell"

"Yes Doctor" replied the gentle voice of Alyssa Powell.

"Has Counselor Troi been down to see Ensign Gaines?" she asked.

"She has, she left about 15 minutes ago"

"Okay, thanks Allyssa. I'll be going to the surface shortly, until then I'll be in my quarters."

*Coast is clear, better go and get ready. Think I'll have a nice steaming hot *real* water shower. That will gets those kinks out of my neck* she though as she departed sickbay.

* * *

Since beaming down to the planet they'd been sitting in a corner of the bar trying to look inconspicuous while they reassured Cochrane, who was very nervous and desperately trying to get to the bar and get 'hammered' as he kept telling them. Privately Beverly agreed with him, she'd like to get hammered herself right now, hopefully that would stop the thoughts that have been continually running through her mind. *Maybe, if I excuse myself to the ladies room, I can slip to the bar instead,* Beverly thought *getting 'hammered' may not be an option, but one or two would be alright.* She thought as she made her excuses and slipped away, not noticing the concerned expression on Deanna's face as she watched her leave.

She made some room at the bar, where the others at her table would be unable to see her and ordered two 'shots' of 'moonshine'. She wasn't sure what it was, but it sounded like just what she felt like having. She knocked the drinks back in quick succession and nearly fell to the floor gasping and coughing. She leaned against the bar taking deep breaths until the fire in her throat cooled. *Beverly, you know maybe that was not such a good idea," she berated herself *how are you going to explain having a bright red face. DAMN, there are times I curse having fair skin. Fresh air would be the way to go.* she thought making her way outside *at least the cool night air should bring my skin down to a more normal tone. The drink did the trick though, I feel all tingly in my toes and lips, I wonder how strong that stuff is to have such an effect so quickly*

Just then she was startled by an arm draping around her shoulder and a conspiratorial voice in her ear.

"Little Lady, I sure do hope you had one for me." Cochrane said.

"Shhh" she placed a finger against her lips and looking around furtively "Don't tell anyone."

He just smiled at her and steered her around to where the others were just coming out of the bar.

"Ah, there you are Dr Crusher, and you've found Mr Cochrane as well." Picard greeted her, raising an eyebrow at they way they were draped against each other.

"Yes, I figured someone should cover the exits in case he tried to get away again." she laughingly replied, giving Cochrane a little dig in the ribs with her elbow. They both giggled, stopping only when they saw Picards disapproving look.

They were saved from a lecture by the timely arrival of the Vulcan vessel. All mirth was forgotten as they hurried over to the open area where the vessel would land. They were about to witness, and for some of their group, participate in First Contact.

Beverly looked on with the others as the Vulcan ship landed, she smiled encouragement at Cochrane when he went to greet the arrivals. She watched as Picard said his goodbyes to Lily Sloane, throughout it all she felt detached, like an observer observing the observers. She didn't feel the excitement exhibited by the others. She felt tired and drained, all she wanted now was to go home. Her detachment was her shield, keeping anything or anyone that could hurt or help away, even Deanna.



When they returned to the ship, they went directly to the conference lounge. The meeting was short as they all knew what they had to do. Geordi estimated that they'd be ready to go home in half an hour.

Everyone was slightly apprehensive when the order to leave was given, at least until they came out of the time jump above the familiar blue and white of their Earth. They really knew they were home when Starfleet contacted them, asking exactly what happened and why they were here.

Picard just smiled.

"You'll have the preliminary reports in one hour, right now we're going to dock at McKinley Station, we are in need of a little repair work." he said and closed the channel.

* * *

* * *

Part Two: Don't Go

Strange now it's too late for me
By myself
Empty as the days go by
Without you
Haunting me
Time past won't disappear
Memories stay
Never to die
My heart will never change


"Deanna .... Will.." he moaned, writhing on the bed "Data... no.. Data ... Don't touch her... NO!" Picard screamed as he jerked himself upright in bed. *A dream* he thought *just another dream. Huh, who are you kidding Jean-Luc. THAT was a nightmare, and you've been having one every night since we got back. I need to talk about this, better make an appointment with Deanna tomorrow.* he sighed getting out of bed, he knew he wouldn't be able to sleep anymore tonight. *Beverly has been so busy lately, she hasn't even stopped by for breakfast all week. I miss her presence. If only I could talk to her, I'm sure I wouldn't be having these dreams if I'd had chance to talk to her about the incident. It's amazing how easily we take things for granted, until they're gone. I think I'll stop by Beverly's quarters tomorrow, protocol be damned.*


It was 11.30 the next day before Picard could get away from the bridge. As he headed down to sickbay he decided to see if Beverly would like to have lunch with him.

When he walked into sickbay he could see Beverly sitting behind the desk in her office. She had her back to the door and appeared to be staring at the wall. She looked so serene and at peace. He stood admiring her profile, his gaze drawn from her full lips to her sparkling blue eyes. He noticed glints of red/gold showing through her blond hair where her natural colour was reasserting itself. He was pleased that she was letting it return, he'd realized after she'd changed it that he preferred and missed the red. He identified that shade as being hers alone, his blood stirred at the thought of seeing it again.

He walked over to the door of her office and leaned against the frame, content to just observe her for a while.

Slowly Beverly became aware of a presence behind her, she stiffened with the realization of who it was. *Even after all this time I can still sense him when he is near. Damn those implants and double damn the Prytt for using them. Perhaps if I look busy he'll go away.* she thought.

Picard noted the slight straightening of her posture as she started entering data into the PADD on her lap. *Better make my presence known before she catches me staring at her* he thought wryly as he cleared his throat and entered the office.

Beverly swung around on her chair as though startled at hearing the sound.
"Oh, Captain ... I'm sorry I didn't see you come in. Is there something I can help you with?" she asked.

Picard was slightly surprised by the formality of her words.

"Yes actually, I was wondering if you'd like to skip off for an early lunch with me?" he responded.

"I'm sorry Captain, I really am very busy at the moment, perhaps another time." she smiled up at him apologetically.

"Really," he replied sardonically "I couldn't help noticing that you appeared to be doing a bit of 'woolgathering' when I came in."

She flushed a little at his words, realizing that he must have been standing there longer than she was aware, she replied without guile.

"I was just working out how best to phrase my report on the assimilated crewman we recovered. Starfleet Medical want a very detailed report, as well as an abbreviated version for the admiralty and other less medically aware personnel who may need to read it. It is far more difficulty to condense it into layman's terms." she finished, confident that her reason was plausible, if not entirely truthful.

"Well then ... as you say, another time perhaps" he replied calmly before turning and leaving. All the while his thoughts were racing. *She lied to me, I can't believe she lied. Why? I can still feel her reactions sometimes, it's like a ghost of a feeling. She's never lied to me before, why would she do so now for no apparent reason. Something is not right. I think I'll see if Deanna is free now.*

"Picard to Counselor Troi"

"Troi here"

"Counselor, are you free right now?"

"I was just about to have lunch... would you like to join me?"

"Yes, that would be nice"

"I'll see you shortly" Deanna replied as she set an extra place at the table. *I was wondering how long it would be before he spoke to me about whatever dreams have been troubling him. I've sensed his discomfort for the last couple of days. He can be so predictable at times.* she chuckled to herself at this thought. *At least he'll probably feel more comfortable discussing it in a less formal situation.* Her train of thought was interrupted by the chiming of the door.

"Enter" she called.

The door swished open and Picard entered the room.

"Hello Captain, please have a seat. What would you like?" she asked stepping over to the replicator.

"Hmm, I don't know .... what are you having?"

"Chicken and Avocado salad"

"I'll have the same ... it sounds nice"

"Computer, two Chicken and Avocado Salads and two glasses of sparkling water with a lemon twist."

Picard helped carry the dishes to the table, he sat down and stared at the plate before him.

"Captain, is something wrong?"

"No, I'm fine, please call me Jean-Luc, two friends sitting down to lunch don't use formal titles."

Deanna was surprised by this comment, it wasn't often that Captain invited informality, it also told her that whatever he wished to discuss her, he wasn't discussing with his Counselor. This piqued her curiosity, fortunately he didn't keep her in suspense for long.

"Deanna, I'm concerned.." he paused "about Beverly."

"Beverly?" she repeated with surprise "In what way?"

"Well, I'm not sure ... it's just that, she's been so distant lately. You remember how strangely she was behaving just after we'd defeated the Borg, during the meeting?"

"Yes" she replied.

"Did you get a chance to speak with her?"

"No, I didn't. She was very busy at the time. I meant to speak with her later, but I never got an opportunity. Strange, when I think about it, she always seems to have to do something to do elsewhere when I'm around. You may not be the only person she's avoiding." she stated.

"You see what I mean, it's just not like her. I went down to sickbay to ask her to have lunch with me, she appeared to be .. daydreaming when I got there. However, as soon as I extended my invitation she made some excuse about having to finish reports. She was lying. I could ..'sense' it, she didn't want to be around me." he finished.

"How do you mean you could 'sense' it?" she asked curiosity getting the better of her.

"Since the incident with the Prytt, I've retained an awareness of her. When I'm in close proximity I can feel her presence even if I can't see her. Sometimes I'm able to get a sense of what she is thinking or feeling. It's very faint, but I know it's her by the feel of it. It is very comforting at times."

"Have you been able to sense anything that might give a clue to what she is feeling?"

"No, I haven't. Most of the time she is closed to me, keeps her thoughts shielded. It's possible that she can 'sense' me as well. That could explain her guardedness. I was only able to sense her lie because she was unprepared for my presence. Have you been able to sense anything?"

"No, I haven't been in the same room with her long enough to sense anything from her, she is strong enough to shield from me as well, just like you are. Straight after the meeting when I went to sickbay I could sense that she was distressed, but later when I left she was much calmer. At the time I was concerned that she was too calm, that she had repressed what was bothering her rather than dealing with it. I also considered that she had resolved what was bothering her. I suspect I was wrong. Then it just slipped my mind, I've been so busy Emily Gaines lately. "

"I understand, Deanna. Who knows she may indeed have resolved it, but something is still wrong. Who knows what she convinced herself to think, she needs to talk about it. Of that I'm convinced."

"You sound just like a Counselor, you are also right."

"Well I do have a bit of an insight into this particular patient." he said smiling.

"I'll make an appointment for her to see me this afternoon, I'll make it an order if necessary."

"Thankyou Deanna. Thanks for lunch as well, it was delicious. However, I need return to work. I'll see you later.

"My pleasure Jean-Luc, goodbye." she replied as he left.

She got up and went to her terminal, she had a feeling that time was of the essence. She only hoped it wasn't too late.

* * *
The terminal CMO's office blinked to life with an urgent message. Unfortunately there was no-one there to read it.

* * *
Captain Picard returned to the bridge, after receiving a status update, he gave the bridge to Commander Riker and retreated to his ready room.

He felt much better after talking to Deanna, he knew she'd be able to get to the bottom this. Then things would return to normal. He turned on his terminal and scrolled through the messages, halfway down the page he paused, a frown forming on his brow. He brought the message up and stared in disbelief.

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    To:    Commanding Officer of the USS-Enterprise,
        Captain Jean-Luc Picard

    Stardate: XXXXX.X

    I hereby tender my resignation from Starfleet, effective immediately.

    Commander Beverly Crusher, MD. Chief Medical Officer.

    ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Computer, location of Dr Crusher." he called out

"Dr Crusher is in her quarters."

He tapped his comm badge as he stormed out of the ready room, almost running, towards the turbolift. He didn't see the looks of surprise on the crew, he wasn't seeing anything of his surroundings, his rage was so great.

"Captain Picard to Counselor Troi"

"Go ahead Captain"

"Have you spoken to Dr Crusher yet?"

"No, she hasn't responded to my message."

"Meet me at her quarters, immediately."

"Yes sir"

They both arrived outside her quarters at the same time.

"Captain, what's wrong?" she asked placing her hand on his arm. She was shocked by the pain and confusion evident in his eyes.

"She resigned" he stated in a tightly controlled voice. He pressed the door chime.

"What?" she replied, stunned.

At that moment the door opened, Beverly was standing there with a case in one hand and carryall slung over her shoulder. Their presence startled her, she wasn't expecting to see anyone, in fact she had hoped that she wouldn't be found out until she was already gone. Picard stepped into the room, not waiting for an invitation, he forced her to move back to allow them entry. When the door closed, he turned to her."

"What is the meaning of this ... this resignation" he asked.

She squared her shoulders and looked him straight in the eyes.

"I'd've thought it was obvious. I've resigned my commission. I'm going to find a nice quiet little corner of the universe, away from Starfleet, and live my life in peace. Is that alright?" she asked sarcastically.

"No, it most definitely is *not*" he replied "I want an explanation."

"Well, too bad. It's not *your* decision to make. I'm going, my transport is waiting."

With that she picked up her bags and headed to the door. Just before she reached it, Deanna placed her hand on her arm to halt her.

"Beverly," she said softly "are you sure about this?"

"Yes Deanna, I'm more certain about this than any other decision I have ever made." she replied gently. Picard seemed to collapse in on himself when he heard this.

"I'll miss you, Beverly" she said stepping forward to give her a parting hug.

"Goodbye" was all she said as she stepped into the corridor. She didn't look back. Going directly to the transporter room, she left the Enterprise.

* * *
Picard hadn't moved. Deanna turned to him and he looked up.

"We were too late." was all he said. He looked around the room, empty of any personal touches, standard Starfleet accommodations, ready for the next occupant. He turned and left.

Deanna watched him leave. *A part of him has died today.* she thought sadly.


* * *

Part Three: Onward

Movements of a cloudy sky
And it rains
Peaceful is the dark at night
Full of silence
Haunting me
Time past won't disappear
Memories stay
Never to die
My heart will never change


3 weeks later

Geordi, Data and Will were seated around the poker table in Rikers' room. They were uncharacteristically quiet, each lost in their own speculations regarding the presence or lack thereof the Captain at tonight's poker game. The door chime beeped and they all looked up in anticipation.

"Come" Riker called out.

The door opened to admit Deanna Troi, she sensed their disappointment and suspected the cause.

"Jean-Luc ... sends his apologies, he has some reports he needs to finish." she said, repeating the excuse Picard gave her ten minutes ago.

"Humph ... I'd like to know where he found them. I made absolutely certain there was nothing left to be done tonight." Will said "This is the third week in a row he's made an excuse. I understand that he is hurting, feeling betrayed perhaps, but wouldn't it be better if he talked about it with us. We're feeling just as confused as he is. He shouldn't shut himself away from us."

"I know, Will," Deanna replied taking her seat at the table "I think he's afraid of losing another one of us."

"Counselor, I do not understand. The probability of losing a crewmember is the same as it has always been." Data said.

"I know Data, perhaps it's more a case of losing a friend. He doesn't want to exposed himself to that degree of pain anymore. He's lost a lot of people over the years, Beverly is ... was his oldest and closest friend left. I don't think he ever thought he'd lose her, at least not like this."

"I ... understand. I think" he replied.

"Well, we are here to play cards," Will interrupted, changing the subject "let's play."



After the game, Will asked Deanna to stay for some coffee. Geordi and Data left to go to Ten Forward, consoling each other over the evenings' loses. Will brought the cups over to the couch, seating himself across from her.

"I thought you might prefer a hot chocolate" he offered her the cup, smiling.

"Thankyou Will" she replied "That's just what I wanted."

They sat in silence for a few minutes sipping their drinks.

"Deanna, have you communicated with Beverly at all?" he finally asked.

"Yes, I didn't know where she was going, so I left a message for her at Caldos. She replied a few days ago."

"Did she give you any explanation, any reason at all?"

"No, she only told me that she'd accepted a position on a colony, she didn't even tell me where, only that all communications sent to Caldos would be forwarded. I got the impression that she doesn't really want to hear from anyone, for awhile at least."

"I just don't get it, why didn't she talk to anyone." he said getting up and pacing with frustration "I thought we were more than just crewmates. I thought we were friends."

"Will, I don't think she wanted to talk, she certainly went out of her way to avoid me. I can't help thinking that I let her down, if I'd confronted her sooner, forced her to talk to me, I might've prevented her leaving."

Will moved to sit next to her and held her in his arms.

"Shh, it's alright. It's not your fault. You're right, if she'd wanted to talk she would have. She knows that we'd all be willing to listen. Who knows, maybe she just wanted a break away from all this. I'm sure she will contact us .... when she's ready." he said gently stroking her hair.

"I hope so Will."

* * *

Four weeks later.


Picard woke with a start. *Damn, I don't know what's worse, remembering the dreams or not. Although I think I can guess what this one was about* he thought feeling the tension in his loins.

"Computer, time please?"

"It is 0400 hours"

"I'll never get back to sleep now," he mumbled to himself while absently massaging his lower abdomen "better take care of this I guess." he grumbled getting out of bed.

15 minutes later he was showered, dressed and looking for something to do. As usual there was nothing, Will having made sure of that. Sometimes his First Officer was just too damned efficient. He decided to go to the bridge, at least he could be on hand should anything interesting happen.

He arrived on the bridge and was mildly disappointed to see that everything was quiet. Commander Data noted his presence and stood to greet him.

"Good morning Captain, is everything alright sir?"

"Yes, fine Mr Data. There's a few things I'm working on, I'll be in my ready room."

"Yes sir" Data replied, resuming his seat in the command chair. *This is the third time this week he's arrived on the bridge at this time. Maybe I should tell the Doctor about his apparent insomnia.* His musings were interrupted by Lieutenant Hayes.

"Sir, we're receiving a distress call from the Cateirian 4 colony."

"Put it on screen, Lieutenant."

"Yes sir"

A middle aged human male appeared on the main viewer.

".... gency situation. Calling any vessels in range."

"Open a channel Lieutenant"

"This is Commander Data of the Federation Starship Enterprise, what is the nature of your emergency?"

"Enterprise, thank God. I am Minister Turvill of Cateirian 4. Approximately 2 hours ago we suffered a major earthquake, 6.9 on the Richter Scale. The epicentre is right in the middle of our main colony site. Since then we have had 4 more quakes and numerous volcanoes have erupted. Preliminary investigations show a fault line has developed along a nearby mountain range. At the rate it's growing the entire colony will collapse into the ocean in about 24 hours."

"Do you know what caused this?"

"Yes, a large comet passed within one hundred thousand kilometres of the planet 10 hours ago. At first we thought nothing of it, however the resulting gravitational wake has pulled one of our moons out of orbit which in turn has placed considerable stress on the planets core. We are requesting immediate evacuation. We have many wounded and are continuing to recover others from the ruins."

"We will set course immediately, please send all the data you have collected. We should arrive in about 6 hours."

"Thankyou Commander"

The image disappeared.

"Receiving data now sir." Lieutenant Hayes reported.

"Very good, Ensign Dela, set course Cateirian 4 at Warp 8."

"Yes sir" she replied.

"Data to Captain Picard."

"Go ahead, Data"

"Sir we have just received a distress call from the colony on Cateirian 4. We are currently enroute at warp 8 and should arrive in 6 hours. I'm transferring the details to your terminal now."

"Thankyou Mr Data, keep me informed."

"Yes sir"

Picard put his book aside, he'd been expecting the call from Data as soon as he felt the change in course and speed. He went to his desk and turned his terminal on. *Careful what you wish for* he thought ruefully.

* * *

Senior Staff Meeting 0800 hours.

Picard entered the conference lounge and took his seat.

"Mr Data, please give us an update on the situation on the planet?"

"The eruptions are increasing in intensity. The land mass has already sunk 5 metres into the ocean. There has been some tidal wave activity, we estimate that the tidal waves will engulf the colony in 7 hours. There are approximately five hundred colonists. We have contacted the Farragut, they will be there to assist in 5 hours.

"Very good," Picard said "Mr LaForge, is there any possibility we can save the colony?"

"No sir. The whole planet is showing the effects, there isn't anywhere stable enough to move the colony to. We estimate that it will be at least 20 years before the planet stabilizes enough to be recolonised. It could be longer"

"Doctor Selar, are you ready to receive casualties."

"We are currently preparing Cargo bay 2 to receive the injured. I have spoken with the colony's doctor, she says there are currently 52 injured, 15 dead. They are still recovering people from the ruins."

"Mr LaForge, I want you to trace the path of the comet, determine if it poses a danger to any other planets."

"Yes sir"

"We have 3 hours, continue with your preparations. Dismissed."

* * *

Captain's Log Stardate XXXXX.X

The Cateirian 4 colony has been successfully evacuated. Upon arrival at the colony all the injured were beamed to the ship. Teams have been sent to the surface to aid the recovery of survivors. Doctor Howard the colony's doctor, remained planetside to provide preliminary first aid to those recovered prior to transport. The Farragut arrived on schedule and the remaining colonists have been evacuated. 3.5 minutes after the evacuation was complete, the colony was engulfed by a tidal wave. Of the 520 colonists, there were 76 injured and 17 dead, 3 were children. None were unaccounted for.
All the injured have been transferred to the Farragut and are on their way to Starbase 143. We are continuing with our mapping mission in sector 156.

* * *

2 weeks later, Captain's ready room.

The door chimed.

"Come"

"Captain"

"Counselor"

Deanna walked over and stood directly in front of his desk, arms folded.

"I assume you know why I'm here?" she stated without preamble.

He looked up, eyeing her posture and the determination in her eyes.

"I think I have a fair idea," he said sighing "I have absolutely no idea what to do. Couldn't I just stay in my room and read for a couple of weeks. I'll even spend some time on the holodeck."

"Definitely not. Perhaps there's someone you'd like to visit?"

He looked at her sharply.

"No, I don't think so." he said gruffly.

"Well it's your choice, we'll be arriving at Starbase 16 in 3 hours, you have 3 weeks to do whatever you want. We'll pick you up from wherever you are then." she finished.

"Fine, dismissed" he replied tersely.

She departed quietly, hoping that he would follow through on her suggestion.

* * *


* * *

Part Four: Healing

Cé Leis an dólás
I measc mo dhaoine
Bimse uaigneach

(whose is the sorrow
among my people
I feel alone)


The slender red haired woman was clearing away the dishes from the evening meal, she paused and looked out the kitchen window at the sunset, momentarily lost in memories of other sunsets. Just then there was a knock at the door to break her reverie, a shiver ran down her spine, she had a feeling, one she hadn't had for quite a while. She couldn't immediately identify it.

"Ciará," she called out to the little girl in the other room "Could you please see who's at the door?"

"Okay" the child's voice piped.

A few minutes later she came into the room.

"Mommy," the child called out "there's a strange man there, he's very stiff." she said putting her hands straight by her side, imitating the strangers' posture. "He asked to see Doctor Crusher." she finished, perplexed.

"Oh? ...Well, let's go see if he's really as stiff as you say." she said taking the childs' hand and following her out of the room. As they approached the open door, she leaned down to the child.

"You're right," she said "he is very stiff." they both giggled. She looked him straight in the eye. "I don't know, do you think we should let him in?"

"Mmmm, only if he smiles" Ciará replied seriously.

The man at the door looked at them disapprovingly at this silliness. When neither female relented he sighed and smiled half-heartedly.

"Well," Ciará said "it's not much, but it will do. You really need to work on your smile, sir" she giggled.

The woman invited him inside and lead him through to the kitchen.

"Would you like a cup of tea?" she asked putting the kettle on the stove.

"Yes, thankyou."

She turned around and picked up the child.

"It's time for Ciará to be going to bed," she said playfully heading up the stairs. "I'll be back shortly." she called back to him.

"Of course," he smiled benignly "Goodnight Ciará."

"Goodnight" she replied with a wave.

A few minutes later she came back downstairs, she could see him through the doorway. He was standing at the window, cup of tea in hand, looking at the spreading darkness, just as she had been before he arrived. *It was inevitable that he come.* she thought to herself.

He sensed her presence behind him, like he used to. He realized then just how much he had missed her presence.

"Hello Doctor Crusher" he said, turning around.

"Howard" she said, he raised his brow quizzically, she continued "I use my maiden name now, I am Doctor Beverly Howard. How are you Jean-Luc?"

His stance relaxed when she called him by name. He sat down at the table, indicating that she should join him. He poured her a cup of tea and handed it to her. Their hands touched briefly, it was like electricity, they both froze for a moment before continuing their movements. He broke the silence.

"I'm fine, though Deanna might say otherwise. More importantly, how are *you*?"

"If you're asking, am I still angry?, then the answer is No. It's funny I only realized it a few minutes ago. I saw you standing at the window and I .... I felt something." she replied dazedly. After a moment she focused on him. "Are you hungry? Would you like some vegetable stew? There's plenty left and it's still warm."

"Is it the same as the one your grandmother used to make?"

"Yes, exactly" she replied with a smile.

"Then I would love to have some, I've heard such good reports about this dish." he teased.

She rose to fill him a bowl and slice some bread.

"There's a bottle of wine on the bench behind you, would you like to open it, there are glasses in the cupboard."

"Certainly."

She filled a second bowl for herself and placing it on a tray, carried it to the other room and placed it on the coffee table before the fireplace. He followed her in bringing the wine and glasses with him. She knelt before the fire and lit it. When the blaze was going she sat beside him on the couch and sipped at her wine.

He watched her for a few minutes while he was eating. When he finished he placed his bowl on the tray and sat back cradling his wine.

"So .... do you want to tell me what happened, what caused you to leave?" he continued hurriedly "I'll understand if your not ready to discuss it yet, I just want you know, I'm available to listen when you are ready."

"Thankyou." She patted his and was silent for a few minutes more.

"When we first landed on Gravett Island ..." she started hesitantly then changed her approach "even though the Enterprise was gone, I felt hope. The sunrise was so beautiful that morning, it was as though anything could happen. I could envision people pairing off, having families." she looked at him shyly. "I thought that we might finally have the opportunity to become closer without our positions getting in the way, the possibilities ....." she trailed off, her eyes haunted. "Then Worf returned to the base camp. He told me you were unaccounted for, that you must have stayed on the ship. I felt as though a part of me was dead. I became very angry, if you had been within reach right then I might have been tempted to kill you myself. I couldn't believe that you'd do something so inherently foolish, I felt betrayed that you'd left me alone. I hated you for making me feel that way. Then you contacted us. I thought I was hearing a ghost and I hated you still. When we returned to the ship I started blaming Starfleet for all my loses over the years, including you. I didn't want to feel anymore, so I convinced myself that the Jean-Luc Picard that I'd known *was* dead. I decided to resign Starfleet. To start my life over, leave all the pain and loss behind." she finished quietly.

He placed his wine glass on the table and took one of her hands in his. He contemplated their joined hands while he absorbed her words. He spoke softly, looking up at her as he did so, conveying to her with a look the sincerity and depth of emotion behind his words.

"Beverly, I am *so* sorry. You are right, I was extremely selfish." he paused while deciding how to continue "When I heard Data calling to me on the bridge, he sounded so alone. I realised that it might be a trap but I couldn't leave him. I should have told you what I was doing but I didn't want to cause you any anguish. Instead I increased it." he said ironically. "I also knew that you would argue with me or insist on remaining with me or possibly tell Worf. I just couldn't take the risk of anything happening to you, I couldn't face the possibility of you being assimilated, of losing another friend under my command. I love you too much." he finished.

"Jean-Luc," she admonished "you know you can't protect me all the time. Taking risks are part of the job description."

"I know, better than anyone perhaps. Still I couldn't deal with the Borg taking you. It's different with them. People don't die, they're still live but everything that made them who they are is gone. They become empty shells. I couldn't bear to see your eyes become empty of the personality and fire that makes you who you are."

She reached forward and touched his cheek with her hand, he leaned into the touch, relishing the intimacy. He placed his hand over hers and turning it over, he kissed her palm.

"Friends?" he asked hopefully.

"Yes, friends" she replied.

He moved closer to her on the couch, still holding her hand in his. He placed one arm across her shoulder and she snuggled against him. They were silent for a while, gazing at the fire, lost in the memories it evoked. Finally his curiosity got the better of him.

"Tell me, what happened after you left? You must have had some interesting experiences. I'm sure I heard Ciará call you 'Mommy'?"

"Oh, Jean-Luc" she laughed "I knew question time wasn't over. I wondered how long it would take before you asked about her." she replied teasingly.

"Well you can't blame me for being curious. I came here expecting to see my Ex-CMO and unattached good friend. Instead I'm greeted by a curly haired, blond little girl, who goes running off to find her mother. I find myself wondering if I have the right house and if I do, does this child have a father lurking about?"

"No, she has no father." she replied sadly "she's all alone, just as I felt I was, now neither of us is alone. I'll start at the beginning, what happened after I left ..... I came here at first. I really hadn't given any thought to what I was going to do after I'd resigned. Doing that was my only goal at that point. I unpacked and started going through my things, reliving the past. I found some old photos that my grandmother had kept. There were some of the four of us, you, Walker, Jack and I in the early days. Some were family photos, I even found one of you with Wesley, he could only have been six weeks old. It was a profile shot, he was all wrapped up and you were holding him so carefully, like he was made of glass. You were face to face with each other, staring. At that moment, it was as though you knew and understood each other and acknowledged your roles in life and towards each other. It was a very profound moment for me at the time the photo was taken. I'd forgotten." she paused to collect herself before continuing. "You were all gone from me." A single tear rolled down her face and fell to land on the back of Jean-Luc's hand.

"Anyway, on the fifth evening I received a call from Kate Pulaski, who promptly told me I looked a mess and gave me orders to go have something to eat, get showered and she'd' call back in an hour. Without thinking I did just that, when she called back I looked and felt much better. 'Much better' was the first thing she said. 'Now I don't know if you've made any plans or not, but there's a colony after a Doctor. They've only been established for a year, so they have a very up-to-date medical facility. With a population of just over 500, leaves plenty of time for research. I'm sending over the details in case your interested....If you want to talk you know I'm always here' She closed the channel before I'd even had a chance to say 'thankyou', let alone 'hello'. Is she always so abrupt?" she asked.

"Yes, she is. You get used to it after a while." he replied.

"Hmm, well, I looked over the proposal, it was very good, so I sent an application. I received an acceptance the next day, so I packed and left the following day. Within the week I was working again as Chief Medical Officer at the Cateirian 4 colony."

"Cateirian 4!" he interrupted with surprise "I know what happened there, we were called in to evacuate the planet, I had no idea. Of course, Doctor Howard, why didn't anyone tell me, I know Doctor Selar was in contact with you."

"I asked her not to say anything, I was very busy at the time and I wasn't ready to face anyone yet." she explained.

"I see, please continue" he urged.

"I settled in very quickly, the colonists were very friendly. Minister Turvill was constantly thanking me and letting everyone know how lucky they were to have me" she recalled fondly. "I had a villa near the medical facility, I was at peace. My nearest neighbours were an elderly couple and their granddaughter, they made me feel very much at home. I spent alot of time with them and Ciará, we became very close. The day the earthquake hit, I had taken Ciará with me to the med. facility, to give Mairead and Sean a break. I didn't find out until we were aboard the Farragut that their home was completely destroyed in the first quake. Ciará has no other living relatives, her parents were killed when she was still a baby. Minister Turvill explained to me that in the event of her grandparents death, she became a ward of the colony, I asked to adopt her and he agreed. So we came here, to get our lives back together." she finished.

"What are you going to do now?" he asked quietly.

"I don't know yet, Ciará and I are just enjoying each others' company and getting to know each other. Not to mention adjusting to our new roles. It's been a while since I've been a parent to a four year old."

"You know .... you can come back, you have been greatly missed."

"Thankyou Jean-Luc, maybe, I'll think about it. I have more than myself to consider now." she said.

"I know," he replied "It's a standing offer."

"Well" she said getting up "it's late. I'm afraid you'll have to sleep on the couch, we only have two rooms."

"That's fine, this is a very comfortable couch." he smiled.

"I'll just get come blankets for you."

She returned a few minutes later with some blankets and a pillow which she handed to him.

"Goodnight." she said heading upstairs.

* * *

Picard felt something tickling his nose, he waved his hand in front of his face, then rubbed his nose to remove the lingering sensation. He pulled the blanket more tightly around him and settled to sleep again. A minute later the tickling sensation returned, this time accompanied by muffled giggling. *Children!* he thought with a groan *although, I wouldn't put it past Beverly to be involved in this bit of fun.* He cautiously opened his eyes to see his blonde haired tormentor standing over him with a feather in hand and a floppy eared bunny tucked under one arm.

He reached out suddenly and caught her around the waist, eliciting a squeal of surprise from the child. As he sat up, he lifted her onto his lap and procedded to give her a thorough tickling. This caused her to start giggling uncontrollably, he found himself laughing with her. After a few minutes he stopped to let her catch her breath.

"Hello, Mr Stranger" she said "What's your name?"

"I" he paused for dramatic effect "am Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Federation Starship USS Enterprise." he replied in his best Captain's voice, he then whispered conspiratorially "however, you may call me Uncle Jean-Luc."

"Hmm" she contemplated him "I think I'll call you Mr Smiles."

Her response caught him by surprise, he smiled fondly at her.

"Alright, but only when we're alone. Agreed?"

"Agreed." she replied. He then continued their tickling game.

* * *

Beverly woke to the sound of laughter, she got up and headed downstairs to investigate. She paused for a minute in the doorway, taking in the scene before her. It appeared Jean-Luc was getting as good as he gave, just then their wriggling caused him to fall off the couch, however the game didn't stop. She walked into the room and stood at his feet, a broad smile on her face.

"Is this a private game or can anyone join in?" she said making her presence known. Jean-Luc looked at Ciará, then at Beverly and back at Ciará.

"Let's get her," he said. Leaping up to grab her by the waist, he pulled to the floor with them. The two of them ganged up on her, tickling her until she was laughing so uncontrollably that tears were running down her face. She finally caught her breath enough to call out.

"Uncle" she gasped.

They relented and sat there with grins on their faces while they caught their breath.

*She is beautiful* Jean-Luc thought looking at her flushed face and sparkling eyes, he felt a familiar stirring in his loins.

"How about some breakfast." he said standing before his body had a chance to cause trouble. He gave her his hand to pull her up.

"Yes please, I'm starving" Ciará said, this brought indulgent smile to both adults faces.

"Come on then," Beverly replied leading them both to the kitchen "What'll it be?"

"Googy eggs and soldiers." Ciará placed her order.

"Coffee ...." Jean-Luc started.

"...and croissants." Beverly finished with a laugh "some things never change." She said giving him one of those smiles that makes him go weak at the knees.


When breakfast was finished, Ciará went upstairs to get dressed while the adults cleaned the breakfast dishes.

"What are your plans for today?" Jean-Luc asked while drying the plates.

"Nothing yet, though I do have to see about getting Ciará enrolled in school." she replied.

"So your staying then." he stated with a grimace.

She looked at him sharply. "For now, until I decide what to do next."

He quickly changed the subject. "How about we go on a picnic today?"

"Alright, but we'll have to go to the market first." she aquiesed.



It was close to 10 am before they left for the market. Jean-Luc and Ciará were quickly bored following Beverly around while she purchased groceries, though Jean-Luc was enjoying the view. Ciará saw a juggler over the other side of the square, Beverly finally sent them off with exasperation. They agreed to meet at entry in an hour.

Jean-Luc lifted Ciará onto his shoulders and they went to watch the juggler. When the act was finished, they continued to walk through the arts and craft stalls, pointing out objects of interest to each other.

They came across one stall that sold traditional handcrafted jewellery. Ciará pointed out a beautiful pair of drop earings with a blue stone embedded in it. The way it sparkled reminded Jean-Luc of Beverlys' eyes in her more mischievous moments, he decided to buy them as a surprise for her. There was a pair of hair combs that matched the colour perfectly, he purchased them as well.

A few stalls further down Jean-Luc saw a stall selling kites.

"Have you ever flown a kite?" he asked Ciará.

"What is a kite, Mr Smiles." she queried.

"Oh, they're lot's of fun. I remember flying them when I was a child. Let's get one, we can fly it this afternoon."

"Okay" she said dragging him over to the display.

"Now, which one shall we get?" he asked.

After careful consideration they chose a large red and blue kite with a long silver tassled tail. It showed a bird in flight on the underside. The vendor fitted it into it's carrying tube and they left to meet Beverly.

"What's that?" she asked as they approached, indicating the tube.

"It's a surprise." he replied.

"Alright then, here carry some of these for me, will you?" she asked handing him several bags.

"Your wish is my command, m'lady" he replied with a sweeping bow.

This playacting sent Ciará into a fit of giggles, Beverly gave him a poke in the ribs but found herself playing along.

"In that case, m'lord, would you mind taking the rest of these as well." she said while she loaded him up with rest of the purchases.

The effect was quite comical, somehow he managed to make it to the cottage without dropping a single thing. They put the groceries away while Beverly prepared a picnic basket. By 11.30 they were on a transport going to the Edinburgh Family Park.

When they arrived they found a large shady tree and set up the picnic beneath it. They had a great view of the park and the lake in the middle. It was very peaceful, a few other groups could be seen in the distance.

After they'd eaten Jean-Luc pulled out the carry tube and read the assembly instructions. Beverly and Ciará looked on with interest.

"So, what is it?" Beverly asked.

"Patience, you'll see in a minute." Jean-Luc teased. Ciará laughed at the look of consternation and frustration she sent his way. When he finished assembling it, he held it up for them.

"A kite!" Beverly exclaimed "I haven't flown one for years. I remember Jack brought one home for Wesley once, we had so much fun."

"Well come on then," he said standing "there's a good breeze blowing for kiting."

They spent the rest of the afternoon flying the kite, until the breeze died down. They then went for a walk around the lake, it felt perfectly natural to go hand in hand. Ciará rode piggyback most of the way. It was nearing twilight when they packed up the remains of their picnic and headed home.

Ciará fell asleep during the ride, curled up on Jean-Luc's lap while holding one of Beverly's hands. It was full dark when they arrived back at the cottage. Jean-Luc carried Ciará directly upstairs to her room and lay her on the bed. He stood in the doorway while Beverly prepared her for bed and tucked her in.

They stood in the doorway a moment, together, before turning to leave. As they did so, they heard a sleepy voice behind them call out.

"Goodnight Mommy" she yawned "Goodnight Mr Smiles"

'Goodnight Ciará" they replied in unison.

* * *

They retreated downstairs in silence. While Beverly fixed them a light supper, Jean-Luc started the fire going in the lounge area. The evening progressed comfortably, the conversation was light. After the previous evening admissions, they were both content to just be in each others' company.

The remainder of the week continued the same way, during the day they did whatever chores needed doing, then spend the rest of the day doing some activity which was a lot of fun.They went to the beach on one day, and visited the townsite with the colony's governor another day. They learned a lot about the colony's history on that visit.

Jean-Luc persuaded Beverly to go horseback riding on the fourth day, which left them all feeling somewhat stiff at the end of the day. During this time no further mention was made of the Enterprise or the issue of returning.

When Ciará was asleep that evening, Jean-Luc offered to massage the aches from Beverly's legs and back. When he judged her to be sufficiently relaxed, he finally broached the subject of his leaving.

"I have to leave tomorrow." he started "I'm scheduled to rendezvous with the Enterprise in roughly 24 hours."

"What time do you need to leave." she asked drowsily.

"Eleven hundred tomorrow, will you come and see me off?" he queried quietly.

Their gazes locked for a moment. There was so much more he wanted to say, to try and convince her to come with him. He knew that now was not the time, that she needed more time to decide. He only hoped that his time here would influence her to return.

"Yes" she replied simply, sitting up to face him.

"Here, I have something for you." he said pulling a small package out of his vest pocket and handing it to her.

She looked at it suspiciously for a moment before starting to unwrap it, he continued speaking while she did so.

"I'm not putting any pressure on you, I just wanted to give you something to remember us..." he paused, then corrected himself "... me by. I want you to know you'll always have a home on the Enterprise, in case you change your mind."

"Thankyou" she said holding up the earings in her hand "they're very beautiful."

"They match the colour of your eyes ...." he drifted off, he reached forward to touch the side of her face with the tips of his fingers.

Her eyes were brimming, she leaned forward and gently touched her lips to his before getting up and leaving the room, calling goodnight behind her as she went.

* * *

At 10.30 the following morning, they arrived at the transport centre. Beverly and Ciará followed Jean-Luc to where his borrowed shuttle was waiting, entering after him. He stowed his carry bag in one of the shuttles' compartments and started going through the pre-flight checks. When it was nearly time to go he turned to the two females waiting for him, to give his final goodbyes.

Ciará ran up to him, he scooped her up and hugged her tightly. He was surprised by how much he'd come to care for this child in so short a time.

"I'm going to miss you, Mr Smiles" she choked out.

"I'll miss you too ...." he replied hugging the child tighter and looking Beverly in the eyes "... very much." he held his hand to her. That was all the invitation she needed to step into his embrace. They stood there hugging each other for several minutes until the control room interrupted, indicating he could depart when ready.

He handed the child to Beverly, who left the shuttle and headed toward the terminus to watch him depart in safety. In five minutes he'd cleared the atmosphere and was on his way to the rendezvous point.

Beverly and Ciará left the transport centre and went home.

* * *


* * *

Epilogue

Hear the beating heart
Drifting drifting
Hear the beating heart
Searching for love
Hear the beating heart
Driting in silence
It echoes like circles
Around your heart

Show me the magic door
Show me the silver the cloud
Open your heart
Let it fall into place
Show me the circle's edge

Six weeks later

Captain's Log. Stardate XXXXX.X.

We are currently enroute to rendezvous with the USS Pelisari, where we will be taking on supplies and picking up our new Chief Medical Officer. Dr Bryant was only with us for 2 months, he just received a research grant from the Federation Council and is already enroute to Cetari Prime to take up his new post.



"Bridge to Captain Picard." Rikers voice sounded over the intercom "we have reached the rendezvous, the transfer of supplies is underway"

"I'm on my way." he said leaving his ready room, he gave a perfunctory glance around the bridge before addressing his First Officer. "Number One, I'm going to the transporter room to greet our new Chief Medical Officer."

"I'll join you sir," Riker replied "Mr Data ..." he was interupted as the android stood up and came over.

"I would also like to join you." he said "I find myself experiencing what I believe is anticipation, I would like to greet her as soon as possible."

"Very well," Riker replied with a smile "Lieutenant Hayes, you have the bridge."

"Aye sir." he replied as the commanding officers entered the turbolift. *Must be a pretty famous Doctor we're getting, if all the command crew wish to greet her.* he thought to himself.



Counselor Troi was already in the transporter room when Picard and the others arrived. The technician at the console told them that the Pelisari was ready for transport. Picard took up a position near the pad before giving the order.

"Energize"

On the pad before him two figures began to coalesce. As soon as they'd solidified, the child let go of her mothers' hand and darted toward Picard, calling out she went.

"Mr Smiles, Mr Smiles." In a repeat of his actions the last time he saw he, he scooped her up in his arms and hugged her.

"Hello Ciará, I've missed you." he said, he glanced at Beverly to include her in his statement. He noticed as he did so that she was wearing the earings he gave her. This pleased him. He whispered in Ciará's ear. "I thought you were only going to call me Mr Smiles when were alone?"

"I changed my mind" she whispered back before continuing normally "I missed you too, Mr Smiles, but Mommy says we're going to stay here, so we'll be able to see each other every day." she replied triumphantly "Are we going to share your house?" she asked innocently.

Picard flushed, the tips of his ear going bright red, he looked across at Beverly noticing that she was slightly flushed also and trying unsucessfully to hold back a smile at his discomfort.

"Well, in a manner of speaking," he replied to her "quarters have been set aside for you. We'll be neighbours."

"Goody, can we see them now." she asked squirming to be let down.

"In a moment," he turned to Beverly and extended his hand "Welcome aboard Doctor Howard."

She took his hand.

"It's good to have you back." he said for her ears alone.

"I'm glad to be back." she whispered in reply as she stepped forward to give him a hug.

The rest of the crew then clamoured around, all talking at once. Wanting to know when she'd started using Howard and why, how, when did she became a mother again. Picard eased away, Ciará leading the way to the doors by pulling his hand. With his arm secure around Beverly's waist he cleared the way from the transporter room, he called behind him as he went.

"There's a welcome back party in Ten Forward tonight, you'll have plenty of time to ask your questions then, for now let's let them get settled." Picard finished leaving his bemused crew behind.

Riker smiled at their retreating forms, raising one eyebrow he turned to Deanna and Data.

"Mr Smiles" he said dubiously, with a smirk on his face.

Deanna elbowed him in the ribs "Don't you start Will Riker." she said warningly "Or I'll tell everyone why you came to be known as 'Billy Boy' at the academy."

"Okay, okay" he aquiesed with a smile."I'll only tease him once." he promised.

"See that you do." she replied taking his arm and departing the room laughing.

Data looked on perplexed, he started to ask a question, then thought better of it and followed his friends out the door.


The End

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