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You loved it...you hated it...you lost faith in TPTB or you thought it was the best thing to happen in television since the invention of the remote control. Either way, people seem to have strong opinions about the infamous Third Season Rift, so I've decided to put my own little twisted mark on the whole story arc. What follows are detailed episode synposis, complete with pictures, and links to picture pages. But be forewarned...these episodes galleries are marked by EXTREME sarcasm, and my own brand of spicy humor...hey if Rob, Steven, Liz and the rest of the gang can make fun of the show, so can I right? So please enjoy...just don't write me any threatening email or anything.
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>The conflict between Xena (Lucy Lawless, pictured) and Gabrielle comes to a head in this lavish musical-fantasy episode set in a tarot-card dreamworld called Illusia. Why a musical? "It allowed us to express emotions that were best said in this way," co-executive producer Rob Tapert says. And those emotions are raw: in last week's episode, Gabrielle's evil daughter Hope killed Xena's
son Solon, and Xena blames Gabrielle (Renee O'Connor). "Xena really wants to kill Gabrielle," Tapert notes.
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The Bitter Suite: A Musical Odyssey
Music Composed by:Joseph LoDuca
Lyrics by:Joseph LoDuca, Pamela Phillips and Dennis Spiegel
Written by:Steven L. Sears and Chris Manheim
Directed by:Oley Sassone Choregraphed and Directed by:Jeff Calhoun>
Exective Producers:Sam Raimi and Rob Tapert
CAST:
Xena: acted by Lucy Lawless, sung by Lucy Lawless
Gabrielle: acted by Renee O’Connor, sung by Susan Wood
Ares: acted by Kevin Smith, sung by Kevin Smith
Callisto: acted by Hudson Leick, sung by Michelle Nicastro
Joxer: acted by Ted Raimi, sung by Ted Raimi
WHAT IS STILL UNWRITTEN
Song of Illusia
Callisto
Xena be warned, Xena beware
By closing your eyes you can see what isn't there
Xena be calm, open your eyes
Lies may be truth and truth may be lies
Fate is a wheel, it will reveal
all you've become, all that you feel
Destiny knows what had to be
You'll pay the price, nothing is free
I'll be your guide, take the hand of your muse
You just might lose your way in the Land of Illusia
Illusia is music, world built on rhyme
It's carved out of space in the absence of time
You've tasted how evil and good co-exist,
The bitter and sweet of it
White Dog
All in the lips that you kissed...ahh
Callisto
Lion and Bull, eagle and snake
To live or die
It's a choice you've got to make
Can you undo what you create
Step through the wheel
Follow your fate
Chorus of Animals
The fates have a fix on you
We can play tricks on you
We deal in truths your too troubled to face
Gamble the worth of you on the rebirth of you
Don't turn away, don't start to fade
What's still unwritten...
you can erase.
Callisto
Your villanious infamy totures your soul
Descent in to evil must levy its toll
The darkness that rots you has brought you to this
Snake
Surrender serenity, suffer sweet misery
Sin seeks its cursed abyss
Anubia
Oh Xena with death there is always rebirth
Sphinx
Come see with a vision denied you on Earth
Callisto
Illusia is waiting-we'll show you the way
But all consequences are your own creation
And there's a price you must pay
Callisto and Chorus of Animals
The fates have a fix on you
We can play tricks on you
We deal in truths your too troubled to face
Gamble the worth of you on the rebirth of you
Don't turn away, don't start to fade
Callisto
What's still unwritten you can erase
Chorus of Animals
Illusia is music, world built on rhyme
It's carved out of space in the absence of...
JOXER THE MIGHTY
Joxer, The Mighty; master of geography
Here to guide you on your way
Stick with me, you'll never stray
I'm the man who'll get you through
Even when you're slightly nude
I'm Joxer! Joxer the Mighty.
WAR AND PEACE
Warrior
Praise the winds of chance that blew
Xena's back where friends are true
We would fight to death for you, brave Xena
When your mighty chakrum arcs
throwing fierce magnetic sparks
No one ever hits her marks like Xena
Famed for prowess with a sword
Who's as feared and as adored
You've not lived till you've been gored by Xena
Warrior #1
You're the Warrior Princess
who's as strong as on oak
Warrior # 2
You've got eyes that can tear out the heart of a bloke
Warrior # 3
With one look you can wilt a flower
Warrior # 4
curdle milk or make men cower
All Warriors
Welcome home, Xena welcome home
Ares
You are the most divine delicious warrior
A man can't help saluting your return
And if you start my heart
it's just that way you slash and burn
Bewitching woman, straining at the armor plate
You singe me with the ardor you inflame
And in my carnal heart
there's not a sorry shred of shame
All Warriors
You and me love war
Doesn't matter what its for
Pandemonium reigns and we're bludgeoning brains
Give us War, War, War
Keep it down to a roar
Warrior # 5
Words of wisdom Ares said
Ares
When in battle keep your head
All Warriors
Warriors love War, War, War
Villagers
O'er the Bridge of Tears
She's crossed and she's paid a fearful cost
Her blood innocence is lost, Gabrielle
Now the past has set her free
And she's traved home to be
With her Old friends you and me. Gabrielle
Villager # 1
You've been plucked out from
the heart of our lives for so long
Villager # 2
Now we're grateful
you've come back to the place you belong
Villager # 3
For what ails the panacea
Villager # 4
surely waits in Poteidia
All Villagers
Welcome home,Gabrielle, welcome home
Lila
Villians, fools, and kings
have made their mark on you
Leave their easy evil in the dust
If your child had lived
we'd surely make her welcome, too.
All Villagers
You and me love peace
with the ducks and goats and geese
While the hours away, baking bread, pitching hay
We love peace, peace, peace
simply joys that never cease
Villager # 1
Nothing changes but the time
Small Group of Villagers
We don't even change our minds
All Villagers
Villagers love Peace, Peace, Peace
Ares
Pulversing foes requires strategy
There's no mortal born who meets your skill
Xena join my vision-don't deny your destiny
All Warriors
You and me love war
Doesn't matter what it's for
Warrior # 6
Chop the tree down, burn the root
Ares
Vengeance can be such a hoot
All Warriors
Warriors love War, War, War
Lila
Xena was no friend, she worked to twist your mind
though you tried to change her deadly ways
Take the scythe-it's just in case of killing to be kind
All Villagers
You and me love peace
with the ducks and goats and geese
Lila
Sit and watch the world go by
Village Couple
Vegetate until you die
All Villagers
Villagers love Peace, Peace, Peace
Warriors
We Love War
Villagers
Peace is such a lovely state
War can kill you so can hate
Warriors
Fear! Lies! Smile and smote and pulverize
Villagers
Here the simple life's delight
Warriors
Pus and Gore
Villagers
Just you put your hand in mine
sure your future's on the line
Warriors
You've a son you must avenge
know you must extract revenge
Villagers
You must know that when
Warriors
Don't be put aside by beauty
Xena you must do your duty
Villagers
Hope died she freed you
All Voices
Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah...
Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah
Villagers
Peace!
Warriors
War!
Villagers
Peace!
Warriors
War!
MELT INTO ME
Ares
You're lost and confused but I understand
This once beloved friend has been slain
by your hand
You feel all alone, betrayed and adrift
But maybe her loss can be viewed as a gift
Now I'll be your rock, your strength and support
Your close confidant with whom you can consort
I know you completely
Come melt into me
Unleash the power of your destiny
You've proved to yourself now that
you've made the kill
That you're just like me
With as evil a will
Our forces are meant to be merged into one
The world will be panicked when our work is done
Let the music of war, with it's lustful refrain
Arouse us to heights with a passionate strain
Image how awesome together we'd be
So feel what I'm feeling
Come melt into me
Callisto
Did that fill you with glee
To kill your little friend
Did that ease your suffering
Or bring it to an end
Let go...
All of your anger will poison you yet
Unless you can just let go
HEARTS ARE HURTING
Part One
Xena
My heart is hurting beyond words
The pain is tearing up my soul
These days have seen my spirits die
My life propelled out of control
My wounds lie naked to the world
My depth of suffering exposed
This damaged past can never heal
Until this nightmare book is closed
Gabrielle
My heart is hurting beyond words
The pain is tearing up my soul
Please tell me how can I retrieve
the life that all this saddness stole
Because of you this happened
Because you had to carry out
your vengeful little plans
Xena
It's you who should feel guilty
Because of you my child is dead
His blood is on your hands
Gabrielle
If only you had never brought me there
Xena
If only you had done what you were told
Gabrielle
If's you who's to be blamed
Xena
And you should be ashamed
Gabrielle
It's your fault
Xena
No it's yours
Gabrielle
How could you
Xena
How could you
HATE IS THE STAR
Song of Torment
It begins very small
seems like nothing much at all
Just a germ, just a speck, just a grain
but the seed has been sown
and before you now it's grown
It has spread through your life like a stain
And its power will strangle your love and joy
and it's hunger consumes for it lives to destroy
Hate is the star; it becomes who you are
Not the hated, but the hater
has torment that is greater
It will eat you alive, consume you and spit you out
Hate's gonna win that there's no doubt about
Hate doesn't care who you are-Hate is the Star!
Learning hate is an art, even people who are smart
can be caught, can be crushed, can be creamed
Hate has swallowed you whole
Did you think you're in control
hate you spoke,
hate you thought,
hate you dreamed
All your hate gave me substance
your lives are undone
It's your eve of destruction, your hatred has won!
HEARTS ARE HURTING
Part Two
Xena
I never dreamed that we'd be distanced by a hate
that all the trust we had would go
Gabrielle
How could I hate you
Xena
How could it come to pass
This awful twist of fate
Gabrielle
How could I hurt you
Xena
This madness can't be so
Gabrielle
I can't believe it
Xena
I never dreamed that any barriers could rise
Gabrielle
Or that I'd ever see the stranger in your eyes
Xena
Our hearts were hurting both the same
Gabrielle
The hurt was tearing up our souls
Xena
The fury in us made us blind
Gabrielle
We could not see beyond the pain
Xena
If we can turn again to love
Gabrielle
If we can heal these open wounds
Xena
We'll leave this hatred far behind
Gabrielle
So not a trace of hate remains
Both
We'll overcome our damaged past
And we'll grow stronger side by side
To stand together through the storms
We're safe cause love will be our guide
THE LOVE OR YOUR LOVE
Yes, I lied
Thought I could protect you from the truth
Deliver you from evil
Spare your innocene and youth
That I could simply will it
Was the real untruth
I was wrong
I wore a mask to cover my deceit
But underneath it all
I couldn't keep away my doubt
Now I'm left without a mask
With one question left to ask
I'm sorry, please help me forgive me
Don't hate me, don't leave me, forgive me
Forgive me my debt as only you could
Forgive me the hate
Replace evil with good
Forgive me and find out that you will be able to
forgive yourself too
My dear Solon,
I never told you that you were my son
I didn't realize the days we had left were so few
If I only knew I'd have been with you
I'm so sorry
I couldn't be the mother you deserved
And I regret that I missed your first step
your first word
that I never heard-now it seems absurd
Can you forgive me
Open up heart and let me in
No matter if the fates against us turn
There's one thing thorugh all of this I've learned
that what I need form you is to...
Forgive me, I'm sorry, believe me
Stoping hating, stop hurting, forgive me
Forgive those who harm you
Do good for those you hate
Forgive, if not forget
I know it's not too late
Forgive me and you'll discover too
That the love of your love is you
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